Lindsay Lohan Got 90 Days of Rehab Instead of 30 Days House Arrest Because Her Lawyer’s An Idiot

The Superficial / March 19, 2013

As Todd over at IDLIYTW points out, Lindsay Lohan could’ve had a relatively easy 30 days of house arrest had she simply agreed to one of several plea deals from the DA’s office, but instead she trusted her new, free dipshit lawyer Mark Heller to prove her innocence despite the fact the only legal maneuvers he knows are bringing a lucky rabbit’s foot to court and hitting on the judge. Except that’s not entirely true because he knows one more, and it’s sucking huge dicks at witness tampering which probably explains why Lindsay took a liking to him in the first place. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … the Santa Monica City Attorney will be launching an investigation and will interview Lohan’s ex-assistant Gavin Doyle tomorrow in the presence of police.
We’re told … prosecutors believe Heller may have approached Gavin and tried to get him to admit that he was the one driving the vehicle when Lohan’s Porsche crashed into a big rig on Pacific Coast Highway last summer.

What’s worse, is this proves Michael Lohan right when he said Mark Heller is doing absolutely jackshit to prepare for Lindsay’s trial because clearly he put all his chips on flipping Lindsay’s assistant and just assumed that would pan out even though he immediately rolled on her. Because why wouldn’t this kid turn around and go to jail by telling the cops he lied to them? “Have you seen how rich my client is? She’s a movie sta- ah, fuck it. Blowjobs, kid, we’re offering blowjobs. — What do you mean it still itches from the last time? Iodine, numbnuts, you gotta pour iodine in it!”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News, WENN