Lindsay Lohan Made It To 28

July 2nd, 2014 // 16 Comments
This Shouldn't Take Forever
Lindsay Lohan Topless Canyons
Lindsay Wants To Laser Off Her Freckles Read More »

This right here. This is what I’m talking about. No one could survive that.

Because God looked down upon the cockroach and said, “Lo, shall you persevere against insurmountable odds and spread blowjays across the earth for all eternity as penance for your bespeckled form which is a blight upon my eyes,” Lindsay Lohan turned 28 today officially making her ineligible for The 27 Club even though that’s predominantly reserved for musicians and people with talent, so I never really got that joke. Anyway, while I’ve been repeatedly frustrated by her penchant for survival as others pass on, I should probably take comfort in knowing I’ll still have a job after some religion bombs us all to shit trying to destroy another one. The posts will practically write themselves. “So you’ll never guess who was late to the decontamination dome today. I’ll give you a hint: She has three legs and blows mutated snails for yellow-coke because it’s the good kind with the uranium in it.”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Duuuuuude. I saw that headline and thought it meant she died at 28. Like thats as far as she made it. What a boner killer.

  2. Short Round

    She survived 27. Now, she will outlive us all!

  3. Veronika Larsson

    Charlie Sheen is 50 or something. How old is Keith Richards? 90? Neil Young was wrong, every junkie is not a setting sun.

  4. A Realist

    I betcha that if I were to lick both of their foreheads, I would be high for days on end. All of their usage has made them walking, talking toads.

  5. Oh, come on, now, she has to have done more than 28.
    That’s just a long weekend for the degraded twit.

  6. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Groped By Charlie Sheen Scary Movie 5
    ozmosis
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got the whitest teeth he ever came across.

  7. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Groped By Charlie Sheen Scary Movie 5
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m going to get this picture printed on t-shirts and sell them in the Huallaga Valley.

  8. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Groped By Charlie Sheen Scary Movie 5
    Commented on this photo:

    “Even my diseased hands are afraid of touching these toxic tits.”

  9. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Groped By Charlie Sheen Scary Movie 5
    Mama Pinkus
    Commented on this photo:

    Poster folk for the anti-drug and alcohol campaign.

  10. Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Scary Movie 5
    Mama Pinkus
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF is wrong with these gals destroying their lips like this – just STOP IT already

  11. JimBB

    Anyone care to take bets on whether she’ll get past the “33 Club” (Belushi, Farley, Bon Scott, etc.)?

    I think she might, but only because they’re supposedly making a powerful drug now to treat heroin overdoses.

  12. That’s a rather loose definition… like saying the guy who dragged the remaining half of his mangled torso across the finish line two weeks later ‘made it’ through the marathon.

  13. I’m hoping she’s cleaned up her act. But I know it’s most likely not true.

  14. MZ MIZRY

    *climbs out on window ledge…*

  15. the universe

    great.
    the one fuckin time she shows up.

Leave A Comment