Lindsay Lohan Wants A New Lawyer Already

February 1st, 2013 // 89 Comments
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Because she’s the end result of abusive coke-rattled semen forcibly fired into a gin box, Lindsay Lohan inexplicably ditched her lawyer Shawn Holley, who was literally the only good thing she had going for her, and replaced her with a guy who looks like a mob lawyer straight out of the 70s. Within the first five minutes of representing her in court he hit on the judge then spent the rest of the time rubbing his lucky rabbit foot which even to someone as dumb as Lindsay Lohan, was a sure sign she’s going right the fuck to jail. So now she wants a new lawyer, but surprisingly there’s not one in Hollywood who will accept blowjobs for payment. The gays are just ruining this town. RadarOnline reports:

“Lindsay is absolutely stunned that this is happening to her,” the source said about the starlet being turned down repeatedly by top lawyers. “The attorneys have tremendous respect for Shawn Holley, and they know that Linsday owes her hundreds of thousands of dollars, therefore they want nothing to do with her.”
Some of the lawyers view representing Lindsay as more trouble than its worth, the source said, and believe she will regret firing Holley for a long, long time.

Of course Lindsay Lohan is absolutely stunned this is happening to her. All she did was not pay her last attorney then fire her once she found some shyster who will work for free who she now already wants to fire. She’s practically a dream client, you guys. It’s not fair.

Photo: Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Don Draper's Dad
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve made a huge mistake.

  2. Jack Ketch

    My God, she’s 26 ? and her face is already starting to sag … I can see jowls forming. She’s fucked, and it’s about time. How will Dina pay for her house now? Hello, Club 27 :)

  3. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Mister Balls
    Commented on this photo:

    do you spray tan everything but the legs?

    • Praise The Lords

      When i first saw these pictures I seriously thought she was wearing white tights and thought “that’s an odd fashion choice. No ripped 2126 leggings?”

  4. See? I told you all yesterday that he didn’t look very lawyer-y.

  5. Elephantman

    Man she looks stupid! Did anyone say DUCK LIPS? If ducks had lips of course.

  6. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Why U no make pretty law words to keep me unjailed?”

  7. She’s “stunned”? Of course she’s stunned. What else so far in the entire legal and judicial machinery of the state of California could have taught her that actions have consequences?

  8. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    elephantman
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m screwed!

  9. BlinkyTheFish

    It’s like the real life equivalent of Lionel Hutz

    • “That was a right-pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster’s defines it as “an agreement under the law which is unbreakable. Which is unbreakable! Excuse me, I must use the restroom.”

  10. Patniss

    Wow, I’ve never seen anyone age so fast. It’s like she’s aging in dog years.

  11. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Coke bloat? Botox? Bee sting? Root canal? Skank puff? (I made that last one up).

  12. Cock Dr

    Maybe she and Dina could get lawyer/victim to change his diet if his semen tastes that bad.

  13. Maybe she can claim poverty and get a public defender appointed for her? wtf is the difference, no judge is ever going to actually sentence her to any jail time anyway. She could have Bozo the Clown, Esquire show up as her attorney, honk his horn, spray the judge with seltzer, and everybody skip out of the court room laughing, all the way to the nearest bar.

  14. cc

    He demanded a down payment of $100, and that was that.

  15. Karma's Bastard Child

    My mother started having the same expression on her face, sadly, about a year before she went crazy and drank herself to death. (Not a joke.) Not a good sign for Lindsay. What a waste.

    • Mama Pinkus

      my sympathy to you KBC – same thing with my brother – very difficult to see someone dying of alcoholism…..I consider it a slow form of suicide

      • Karma's Bastard Child

        You’re right Mama Pinkus, it is a slow form of suicide. But it is also a very selfish form of suicide. As with other addictions friends and family have to look on helplessly as this person destroys him or herself. Suffering along from all the bad things the lifestyle of an addict brings with it.

  16. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Jack Ketch
    Commented on this photo:

    Who wears fake eyelashes to court ?

    • Worrier Poet

      Studies conducted by Lindsay Lohan have concluded that innocently batted eyelashes result in a 75% lower conviction rate.

  17. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    She actually looks presentable here. 15 years older than she actually is, but presentable nonetheless.

  18. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF? Her legs are as white as snow.

  19. “Lindsay is absolutely stunned that this is happening to her,”
    This is her life in a nutshell. She so goddamn self-centered that she cant realize the world doesn’t revolve around her and that her actions have, *gasp*, consequences.

  20. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Mob lawyer!? I think I see four-leaf clovers on his loafers.

  21. choov

    Am I the only one who thinks her lawyer looks like Barry Zuckerkorn from Arrested Development?

  22. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks older than most broads twice her age.

  23. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Janice
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay, Mrz. Lohan, just keep her steady like dat ‘Weekend at Bernie’s” movie. Good thing we can still pry her mouth open – cause I don’t take no Monopoly money for payment, yaknowhaddimean?”

  24. mike

    Holy shit, her lawyer is Arl Rendon Howe from Dragon Age: Origins.

    And if you saw this and went “damn! he’s right…” we should hang and talk about what it’s like to never have sex ever

  25. It isn’t just attorneys that won’t touch her with a 10 foot pole – apparently she and Dina were turned away from two hotels when they got here. Shutters on the Beach still has her blacklisted from 2007, and Loews Santa Monica told them they were “full” – and I very much doubt Chateau Marmont had any room, either. She may actually be grateful to go to jail, because at least in LA she’ll have a place to sleep.

  26. joho777

    Maybe Lindsay should start paying her lawyers, and more of them might be interested in picking up some of her many cases.

  27. Veronika Larsson

    You’ve got it all wrong. This is Vinny from “My Cousin Vinny”.

    Vincent Gambini: “Okay, you’re helping. We’ll use your pictures. Ah! These *are* gonna be – you know, I’m sorry, these are going to be a help. I should have looked at these pictures before. I like this, uh, this is our first hotel room, right? That’ll intimidate Trotter. Here’s one of me from behind. And I didn’t think I could feel worse than I did a couple of seconds ago. Thank you. Ah, here’s a good one of the tire marks. Could we get any farther away? Where’d you shoot this, from up in a tree? What’s this over here? It’s dog shit. Dog shit! That’s great! Dog shit, what a clue! Why didn’t I think of that? Here’s one of me reading. Terrific. I should’ve asked you along time ago for these pictures. Holy shit, you got it, honey! You did it! The case cracker, me in the shower! Ha ha! I love this! That’s it!”

  28. Tom

    I don’t believe this story. I’m sure that there are lawyers in Hollywood that accept blowjobs for payment.

  29. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    logan
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, shit did he just say that? I am screwed man, I am so screwed.

  30. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Lindsay, baby, you are not suppose to blow him until he wins your case!! When will you learn?

  31. happening to her? no honey, you did this to yourself. now go die already.

  32. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    cagster
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s not to trust about a LOTR goblin with a penchant for YSL?

  33. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, hell…I see the problem. Her new lawyer isn’t even grown up yet!

  34. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “This is so goddamned boring. And it’s really cutting into my leisure time.”

  35. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Thought Bubble: “His weenie is so tiny. It’s fun to suck.”

  36. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ms. Lohan, do you promise to show up for your nest hearing?”

    “Of course, Your Honor…don’t I always?”

  37. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t worry, Lindsay…even if you have to serve a couple of days in jail, your dad “knows” people on the inside. How else do you think he learned that vagina kick thing?”

  38. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    Barry’s very good.

  39. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    She just realized she has residual coke left under her finger nails.

  40. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo New Lawyer Mark Heller
    Commented on this photo:

    “Objection your Honor! What does “probation” mean?”

  41. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    Any coincidence she has the symbol for hazard lights tattooed on her body?

  42. Marnie

    *it’s – who wrote this???

  43. Mama Pinkus

    she is as wrinkled as me – but I am 55

  44. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    What kind of shitty jailhouse tat is this?

  45. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Commented on this photo:

    HEY I’M WALKIN HERE!
    I’M WALKIN HERE!!

  46. kery

    the lawyer looks like a clown and linds face seems puffy.

  47. Urbanspaceman

    Doesn’t Lindsay have one real friend who will tell her the truth instead of sucking up to her?

  48. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Daila
    Commented on this photo:

    illuminati

  49. What an idiot

    And the downward spiral of whorehan continues. If she’s made a good decision in the last 7 years, I can’t remember it…

  50. Lindsay Lohan Probation Violation New Tattoo
    Kimbo
    Commented on this photo:

    Its a Rainbow Triangle. She could only afford the one color.

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