Because she’s the end result of abusive coke-rattled semen forcibly fired into a gin box, Lindsay Lohan inexplicably ditched her lawyer Shawn Holley, who was literally the only good thing she had going for her, and replaced her with a guy who looks like a mob lawyer straight out of the 70s. Within the first five minutes of representing her in court he hit on the judge then spent the rest of the time rubbing his lucky rabbit foot which even to someone as dumb as Lindsay Lohan, was a sure sign she’s going right the fuck to jail. So now she wants a new lawyer, but surprisingly there’s not one in Hollywood who will accept blowjobs for payment. The gays are just ruining this town. RadarOnline reports:
“Lindsay is absolutely stunned that this is happening to her,” the source said about the starlet being turned down repeatedly by top lawyers. “The attorneys have tremendous respect for Shawn Holley, and they know that Linsday owes her hundreds of thousands of dollars, therefore they want nothing to do with her.”
Some of the lawyers view representing Lindsay as more trouble than its worth, the source said, and believe she will regret firing Holley for a long, long time.
Of course Lindsay Lohan is absolutely stunned this is happening to her. All she did was not pay her last attorney then fire her once she found some shyster who will work for free who she now already wants to fire. She’s practically a dream client, you guys. It’s not fair.
Photo: Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
I’ve made a huge mistake.
Nice! :D
My God, she’s 26 ? and her face is already starting to sag … I can see jowls forming. She’s fucked, and it’s about time. How will Dina pay for her house now? Hello, Club 27 :)
do you spray tan everything but the legs?
When i first saw these pictures I seriously thought she was wearing white tights and thought “that’s an odd fashion choice. No ripped 2126 leggings?”
See? I told you all yesterday that he didn’t look very lawyer-y.
Man she looks stupid! Did anyone say DUCK LIPS? If ducks had lips of course.
“Why U no make pretty law words to keep me unjailed?”
She’s “stunned”? Of course she’s stunned. What else so far in the entire legal and judicial machinery of the state of California could have taught her that actions have consequences?
I’m screwed!
It’s like the real life equivalent of Lionel Hutz
“That was a right-pretty speech, sir. But I ask you, what is a contract? Webster’s defines it as “an agreement under the law which is unbreakable. Which is unbreakable! Excuse me, I must use the restroom.”
“Not only is she innocent of being guilty, she’s innocent of being not guilty.”
Wow, I’ve never seen anyone age so fast. It’s like she’s aging in dog years.
she’d be hot if she was 50….not 26
Coke bloat? Botox? Bee sting? Root canal? Skank puff? (I made that last one up).
I think Skank Puff is a real condition….or it will be now
Maybe she and Dina could get lawyer/victim to change his diet if his semen tastes that bad.
Maybe she can claim poverty and get a public defender appointed for her? wtf is the difference, no judge is ever going to actually sentence her to any jail time anyway. She could have Bozo the Clown, Esquire show up as her attorney, honk his horn, spray the judge with seltzer, and everybody skip out of the court room laughing, all the way to the nearest bar.
Where she shouldn’t leave a tip because the bartender has no marketable skills and wasn’t even a hot young 20 something, right?
He demanded a down payment of $100, and that was that.
My mother started having the same expression on her face, sadly, about a year before she went crazy and drank herself to death. (Not a joke.) Not a good sign for Lindsay. What a waste.
my sympathy to you KBC – same thing with my brother – very difficult to see someone dying of alcoholism…..I consider it a slow form of suicide
You’re right Mama Pinkus, it is a slow form of suicide. But it is also a very selfish form of suicide. As with other addictions friends and family have to look on helplessly as this person destroys him or herself. Suffering along from all the bad things the lifestyle of an addict brings with it.
Who wears fake eyelashes to court ?
Studies conducted by Lindsay Lohan have concluded that innocently batted eyelashes result in a 75% lower conviction rate.
She actually looks presentable here. 15 years older than she actually is, but presentable nonetheless.
WTF? Her legs are as white as snow.
And her heart as black as 3 day old snow in a New York gutter.
“Lindsay is absolutely stunned that this is happening to her,”
This is her life in a nutshell. She so goddamn self-centered that she cant realize the world doesn’t revolve around her and that her actions have, *gasp*, consequences.
Mob lawyer!? I think I see four-leaf clovers on his loafers.
Irish mob.
Am I the only one who thinks her lawyer looks like Barry Zuckerkorn from Arrested Development?
she looks older than most broads twice her age.
“Broads?” Dude, take a step into the 21st Century.
Check his name, “Peloma”. He is clearly Italian thus the continued use of “broads”.
Oh it’s a funny ol’ word, tightarse.
“Okay, Mrz. Lohan, just keep her steady like dat ‘Weekend at Bernie’s” movie. Good thing we can still pry her mouth open – cause I don’t take no Monopoly money for payment, yaknowhaddimean?”
Holy shit, her lawyer is Arl Rendon Howe from Dragon Age: Origins.
And if you saw this and went “damn! he’s right…” we should hang and talk about what it’s like to never have sex ever
But he probably doesn’t sound as delightfully evil as Tim Curry.
mike approves (+8)
:)
It isn’t just attorneys that won’t touch her with a 10 foot pole – apparently she and Dina were turned away from two hotels when they got here. Shutters on the Beach still has her blacklisted from 2007, and Loews Santa Monica told them they were “full” – and I very much doubt Chateau Marmont had any room, either. She may actually be grateful to go to jail, because at least in LA she’ll have a place to sleep.
Maybe Lindsay should start paying her lawyers, and more of them might be interested in picking up some of her many cases.
You’ve got it all wrong. This is Vinny from “My Cousin Vinny”.
Vincent Gambini: “Okay, you’re helping. We’ll use your pictures. Ah! These *are* gonna be – you know, I’m sorry, these are going to be a help. I should have looked at these pictures before. I like this, uh, this is our first hotel room, right? That’ll intimidate Trotter. Here’s one of me from behind. And I didn’t think I could feel worse than I did a couple of seconds ago. Thank you. Ah, here’s a good one of the tire marks. Could we get any farther away? Where’d you shoot this, from up in a tree? What’s this over here? It’s dog shit. Dog shit! That’s great! Dog shit, what a clue! Why didn’t I think of that? Here’s one of me reading. Terrific. I should’ve asked you along time ago for these pictures. Holy shit, you got it, honey! You did it! The case cracker, me in the shower! Ha ha! I love this! That’s it!”
I don’t believe this story. I’m sure that there are lawyers in Hollywood that accept blowjobs for payment.
Oh, shit did he just say that? I am screwed man, I am so screwed.
Lindsay, baby, you are not suppose to blow him until he wins your case!! When will you learn?
happening to her? no honey, you did this to yourself. now go die already.
What’s not to trust about a LOTR goblin with a penchant for YSL?
Well, hell…I see the problem. Her new lawyer isn’t even grown up yet!
“This is so goddamned boring. And it’s really cutting into my leisure time.”
Thought Bubble: “His weenie is so tiny. It’s fun to suck.”
“Ms. Lohan, do you promise to show up for your nest hearing?”
“Of course, Your Honor…don’t I always?”
**next** grrrrr…
“Don’t worry, Lindsay…even if you have to serve a couple of days in jail, your dad “knows” people on the inside. How else do you think he learned that vagina kick thing?”
Barry’s very good.
She just realized she has residual coke left under her finger nails.
“Objection your Honor! What does “probation” mean?”
Any coincidence she has the symbol for hazard lights tattooed on her body?
*it’s – who wrote this???
she is as wrinkled as me – but I am 55
What kind of shitty jailhouse tat is this?
HEY I’M WALKIN HERE!
I’M WALKIN HERE!!
the lawyer looks like a clown and linds face seems puffy.
Doesn’t Lindsay have one real friend who will tell her the truth instead of sucking up to her?
illuminati
And the downward spiral of whorehan continues. If she’s made a good decision in the last 7 years, I can’t remember it…
Its a Rainbow Triangle. She could only afford the one color.