Lindsay™’s Going to Jail Again. In Theory.

April 25th, 2011 // 37 Comments

Not even a full 48 hours after she managed to land a “role” in the Gotti: Three Generations film by negotiating her way down to a naked extra, Lindsay Lohan walked into court on Friday and was slapped with 120 days in jail for violating her probation, but not before having her felony necklace theft charges reduced to a misdemeanor. She’s already out on bail, of course, while her lawyer appeals the decision, but in the meantime, the D.A.’s office is pissed because apparently they believed they had enough evidence to get the felony conviction. Turns out there’s footage of Lindsay’s friend/drug dealer Patrick distracting the jewelry store clerk while she tries on several necklaces and hides the one in question under her own. Now, you may be asking yourself, why would Lindsay risk everything to steal one lousy necklace less than a month after leaving court-ordered rehab where she just barely ducked battery charges? Allow me: Twenty five years ago, Michael Lohan ejaculated into Dina Lohan‘s vagina while she was ovulating. They kept the baby.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. infused

    1st? She needs to go to jail.

  2. If I didn’t know who she was based on that pic, I’d say she was a rough looking 45 yr old, she looks awful.

  3. The judge needs to stop pussy footing around. Kick Lindsey in the box and use her as a waterski.

  4. Turd Ferguson

    “Twenty five years ago, Michael Lohan ejaculated into Dina Lohan’s vagina while she was ovulating. They kept the baby.”


    Pure GOLD.

    • Cock Dr

      Well, even back then, amidst all the scratching, fighting & kicking, the Lohans had some marketing ideas revolving around one or more of the children.
      See? Dreams do come true.

  5. the captain

    well, she is trying to boost her lips again.
    THIS TIME THE LIPS OF HER VAGINA, folks!!

  6. brian

    That would be 25 years 6 months 24 days at midnight

  7. Mean Girl

    “Now, you may be asking yourself, why would Lindsay risk everything to steal one lousy necklace less than a month after leaving court-ordered rehab where she just barely ducked battery charges? Allow me: Twenty five years ago, Michael Lohan ejaculated into Dina Lohan’s vagina while she was ovulating. They kept the baby.”

    LMAO. That was funny.

  8. Eleven Angry Inches

    She’s a stupid, arrogant, pathetic cunt. Lock her up so we can all get on with things.

  9. snarl
    Commented on this photo:

    is it just me, or are her breasts getting closer to her waist with each court appearance?

  10. josh

    QWACK QwACK qWAck !

  11. argleblargle

    My question is where the hell did the Lohans get $75k to bail her out? Are people actually still paying the family for interviews and “exclusives”? Between the drugs, rehabs, and bail postings, they’ve gotta be running low. Maybe Lindsay made a deal with Sheen to become a Goddess.

  12. Even that third arm won’t stop her from getting broom-handled by the girls in C block.

  13. LJ

    Although Lindsay™ is out on bail, it is a “Work Release” program. That’s why there’s all the reports that she’s pissed.

    That’s ’cause she has to start the 480 hrs of Community Service without her entourage in tow telling her how she is so beautiful and talented.

    She will be working 380 hours at the Downtown Women’s Center in LA, located in the Skid Row section of LA, where the Paparazzi can easily get mugged hanging out on the streets. (Later 120 hours at the county morgue.)

    If she doesn’t “step up” the Judge might just revoke her bail when she appears at the pre-trial (the judge told her that she had to appear in court) hearing on May 11.

    • I think she’s pissed bc she didn’t get off scot free like all the other times.
      It must be so hard for poor Lindsay to be treated like every other ‘civilian’ who gets caught breaking the law.

  14. they oughta lock her up and throw away the key

    skipping a few more hours of alcohol school = over $100,000 in rehab and lawer bills, 4 months in jail, 60 (8 hour) days of of community service, and more years of probation, not to mention under indictment for theft… “it was so worth not having to finish alcohol school, i’m a celebrity i don’t have to do shit like that”

  15. thesexyone

    Who fucking cares about this chick anymore. We all know she’s a loser. It’s tired.

  16. Sleazy P. Martini

    She won’t go to jail, she’s a rich celeb. Honestly I’m surprised she hasn’t been invited to the royal wedding.

  17. I just wanna rough every girl in the world

    Not enough time for a cellmate to write an autobiography…She needs more time. And this is someone who’s not a Lilo hater. I just want to read a good book.

  18. Ksurfiws

    Jesus Christ…she is only 25? She is gonna be one haggard skank in 10 years

    • dpbefun

      Too late.

      • Captain Slappy

        It’s like watching milk out in Death Valley sunlight go from “curdled” to the now fashionable “cottage cheese” stage these “actresses” have. Kids…this is what being a banged-out coke-whore for Chuckles the Sheen will get you. A lifetime VIP pass to, “DAMN that looks rough” town. Next up, she’s doing Bree Olson and Ron Jeremy at a Truck Stop, and selling the tape.

  19. Marceelf

    This is the Superficial I know and love. I would pay top dollar to watch this bitch get owned by some homeless psych pt on Skid Row who doesn’t give a fuck that she’s a Teenage Drama Queen. Then again, she’s a Lohan, so she might pull out a sharpened spoon and cut a bitch.

  20. Saturday Night Live can now officially dust off the scripts from all of Eddie Murphy’s old “I’m Gumby Dammit!” skits, and do a word replace changing “gumby” to “Lindsay”. They’ll finally have a funny season.

  21. Oh, heck, Lindsay Lohan in jail, that’s hilarious. What will they think up next, Eddie Cibrian in his wife’s vagina?

  22. RasputinsLiver

    Looking at Lohan’s bleached blonde (what makes these silly twits think thast going bleached blonde looks good?), washed out (despite the fake tanning), pumped up duck lipped face makes me think of meth users.

    Time is not treating her well. Ok, SHE is not treating herself well. And she’s not yet twenty-fiv­e, but looks nearer forty-fiv­e. A worn out forty-fiv­e.

    I rented Machete without realizing she was in it until it was too late. Tainted the fun I was having watching it. would have bought the dvd to support Danny Trejo if it hadn’t been for her in it.

    At any rate, the bitch looks like shit three times warmed over. And acts like a total shit-for-brains.

  23. UnholyKrep
    Commented on this photo:

    This freakish spectre is looking more and more like Jar Jar Binks everyday. “Meesa insa Moooovie! Meesa gurfren pretty prettysa!”

  24. Wotwot

    She’s 25? …well ain’t that some shit.

  25. luevas
    Commented on this photo:

    Woman in orange on pic 14 cracks me up

  26. Lindsay™ is cool

    Lindsay™ is 24. She will be 25 July 2nd. She doesn’t look that much different than she did in Freaky Friday back in 2003. She is supposed to have some age lines on her face because it comes with the territory of being an actress. She is still probably the most successful actresses in world under the age of 25. Most actresses her age are just getting started out of college and would love to have had a list of successful movies as a lead actress as Lindsay™ has had. She didn’t learn from her mistakes and if she keeps getting arrested or violating her probation she is going to look really fucking stupid. Although, I guess that really doesn’t matter to her, because she will always be rich like Charlie Sheen.

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