Lindsay Lohan is the Luckiest Drug Addict Alive

After watching her manage to duck jail while still drinking with a SCRAM bracelet on these past few months, it’s becoming painfully obvious Lindsay Lohan blew Satan at some point. And now on top of that, TMZ has uncovered the reason her 2007 DUI arrest was plea bargained so quickly despite the fact she was driving around shit-faced with half of Colombia in her pocket:

The officer “discovered a folded Clinique sun care card with an unknown substance caked on to the surface of the card in Lohan’s right rear pocket.”
The report goes on: “Some of the white substance fell to the floor. I used my foot to see what had fell but thought nothing of it. I did not recognize the substance attached to the card and initially thought the substance was a wet crushed breath mint.”
And now it gets good: “I put the card into the jail trash can next to the booking windows. I was looking at the floor and began to recognize the substance as resembling powder cocaine. I then recovered the card from the trash.”
The cop says the coke was in the trash for about 2 minutes. He put the card in an evidence envelope, then scooped up the coke that had fallen to the floor and placed it in a separate evidence envelope.

At this point, I’m convinced Lindsay Lohan could stab an entire day care, snort coke out of each child’s chest wound and somehow the only witness would be a deaf-blind-mute janitor who swears to God a bunch of black guys did it. Stop me if I’m making too much sense.

Photos: Pacific Coast News