Lindsay Lohan Is Starting An Empire

Remember in Magic Mike when Channing Tatum really loved making his trash furniture so much that he got a bunch of money together doing sex work to open his own trash furniture store? This is like that, but with blowjobs. Lindsay Lohan is opening an international chain of blowjob stores with the financial backing of her number one blowjob customer, Dennis Papagaponytail. Via TMZ.

But nightclubs are just the beginning. She and restaurateur Papageorgiou also have eyes on opening spas. They also are looking to help refugees by creating and distributing organic health drinks.

First of all, she kissed that dude on the mouth. In her world they’re married now. Second, spas and nightclubs, huh? What kind of person has been to so many spas and nightclubs that they eventually think to themselves, “I could probably use all this money I got paid to have sex in these places to open one of these places?” Whoops, answered my own question there. But don’t think I didn’t gloss over that little chestnut about hooking refugees up with Jamba Juice. Do I even have to make a joke here? Okay fine.

“I’m sorry your whole family is dead, and you life in this camp now, Sahir. This kale and ginger smoothie will make you feel better.”
“Yep, I understand the point ISIS is making now.”

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