Lindsay Lohan is Lesbian Meat

July 13th, 2010 // 35 Comments
Lindsay Lohan

With only a week left until she goes to jail for less than five minutes, lesbian gangs are already salivating at the opportunity to get a piece of Lindsay Lohan which makes perfect sense. According to my sources, one ginger vagina is worth roughly twice the smokes because of its “patented devil magic.” (I’m allowed to count myself as a source, right?) The Sun reports:

Tamara Haley, 38, doing time for heroin possession and prostitution, said last night: “Everyone will want a piece of her. It will make them famous if they hurt Lindsay Lohan. Or if you get her to cry, the whole ward will laugh and people will love it – even the guards.”
Tamara also warned bisexual Lindsay of the jail’s lesbian gangs – and offered advice on how to avoid their clutches.
She revealed: “The gay inmates wear their shirts inside out to let others know they are available. So if Lindsay doesn’t want someone to grab her ass she’d better keep her shirt on straight. Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking. It’s disgusting.”

Of course, the most hilarious part of this story is that a 38-year-old convict probably just gave Lindsay more helpful advice than her mother has during her entire life. Unless “Hey, could you sign a couple of blank checks before you leave?” counts as motherly wisdom. I’m not a therapist.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. laura

    FUCK LINDSAY LOHAN

  2. V

    Omg…. well I don’t think lindsay will have to worry about that. they already said they’re keeping her apart from the rest of the inmates.

    • mike

      She’ll have to shower some time. That some time is when they will pounce on that *fresh* no I mean *gamey* meat.

  3. SoYeah

    She’s gonna love it. Guess mommy won’t have to be so worried about her precious money maker being lonely in jail, huh?

  4. The Dude

    She actually looks reasonably attractive in this photo.

  5. Chris

    duck lips, but still nice tits

  6. Jeff

    Nah, they always keep high profile or celebrities away from other inmates. I work for a county sheriff and it’s done this way to protect these types..

    • Fuck these types.. It is time they did the same time as everyone else. They should release her into the general popular and let her fend for herself. Maybe she will clean herself up and stay out of trouble.

    • I worked as a CO in Miami and one inmate was ordered isolation because he was famous locally but there was still an incident of a few guys getting to him that worked the system from the inside. He was fucked up pretty bad so depending on where it’s at how the facility operates, it is still possible. But famous people are huge targets when coming in and would stand no chance with regular inmates, it’s true.

  7. Deacon Jones

    “Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking. It’s disgusting.”

    Does this happen in other women only areas? I need to start shopping at Lord and Taylor more often..

  8. Sardonic

    She needs to Netflix ‘Felon’.

  9. You honestly think LiLo’s going to be in general population Fish? Nope. Just like Hilton before her, she’s going to have her own room, and is going to be kept separate from the rest of the rabble during her stay. Sorry to ruin your prison sex wet dream there, but a celebrity doing time isn’t the same as a regular nobody doing time.

    • E

      Wow. Just… wow. I kind of cannot believe you actually drew the comparison between Lindsay Lohan and Hitler. Teh Interwebs never ceases to amaze.

  10. Nate

    Riiight like when that waitress chick sucker punched Lindsay no one fucking cared. Fact is unless it leads to clothes being torn off and the two girls start to make-out and shit no body wants to see two chicks fight nor read about it later.

    She’s be under “special grad” so not to worry.

  11. One of the masses

    Her ‘jail time’ will probably be better living than most of the average people in this country. It made me smile to think of her really having to deal with a bunch of penned up, angry lesbians lookin for a little fame.

  12. Richport's Ghost

    Look, I hate this duck lipped tramp. But damn her chest is looking fine.

    Did we ever figure out if she has implants? I mean in her chest, not her lips. We know why she looks like Donald Duck. Earns her more on the street corner too.

  13. Angela

    Ok, this really made me laugh, and I love how the other prisoners are gonna mess with her, along with the guards. God knows I would too.

  14. Cock Dr

    “Ginger vagina patented devil magic”
    Really!?!
    Um…..I’m gonna go home early.
    If the apocalypse goes down this evening…it was all LiLo’s fault.

  15. Randal(l)

    Damn, now more than ever I want to be a 38 year old heroine addicted prostitute. she’s making prison sound an awful lot like another deposit to the spank bank.

    Randal(l)

  16. Madonna's Old Ass

    Her boobs look fantastic in that picture. She’s a mess but I’d still hit it.

  17. STL Hawkeye

    “Lindsey Lohan, Lesbian Jail Meat?”

    Lindsey wonders if this will finally make Samantha Ronson jealous.

  18. She's FUCKED

    This is a stupid, meaningless story. At the Lynnwood facility, she’ll be in “Sep”, which means she’ll be kept separate from other inmates. She’ll have a cell to herself with her own shower. No “lesbian gangs” are going to have access to her. So, enough already about this; it’s worthless.

  19. Lindsay Lohan
    the fish
    Commented on this photo:

    That is a good set of tits though……….

  20. captain america

    this can be easy in jail.

    ………………………………………………..PRETENDING IS HER GAME!!

  21. B.B

    As if she will have any real jail time. She’ll be out in a week, kept separate and live better in jail then people living normally in Africa.

  22. Puddin' Taine

    Wow LiLo has the most amazing boobs, real or not they look good even in a shirt

  23. Amber

    Leave Linday the fuck alone! She is so fucking hot that I would nearly chew off a limb to lay next to that. Everyone in jail wants to talk hard, but I guarantee they will all be starstruck, because they are dumb as fuck. Bitches will be lining up to be that “hostess.” Please….and Lindsay will cum out of it just fiiiiinnnnee. Trust me. :)

  24. Rex69

    Gonna tear dat white ass up!
    A’ight … Dat pussy is gonna be busted, until it bleeds.

  25. Lindsay Lohan
    Rex69
    Commented on this photo:

    A’ight fools …Rex69 gonna tap dat
    White ass wit my BIG Black cock. Welcome 2 MY World babydoll!

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