Vagina Kicker Johnson And The Case Of The Coked Out Conservatorship

So on Friday, Michael Lohan decided to stage an intervention at Lindsay Lohan’s house after she completely blew off her voice work on The Canyons Thursday. This ended in Lindsay calling the police who removed Michael from the scene, so he’s spent the entire time since (and assume prior) blabbing to the media while she’s now in the process of getting a restraining order against him. In emails obtained by TMZ, Michael claims Lindsay’s entire management team, including her lawyer, were behind the intervention which proves one of two things: Michael Lohan is forging emails now, or Lindsay’s team are fucking idiots who think interventions involve sending in the person the junkie hates the most first. Regardless, he now thinks a judge will issue a conservatorship over Lindsay because they usually do that for vagina-kicking ex-cons who are constantly in and out of jail for domestic violence and/or unpaid child support. They practically prefer it:

Michael has told an attorney, his daughter is in the danger zone … a substance abuser, he says, who is hanging with the wrong group of people, including Dina Lohan.
Michael will meet with lawyers early this week, and there’s one thing he does want — he will NOT become Lindsay’s conservator, because he doesn’t want to run her finances so people will pass it off as a money grab. We’re told Michael wants the judge to decide who to appoint conservator, but he says it CAN’T be Dina.

“Mr. Lohan, the court has heard your argument and agrees a conversatorship for Miss Lohan is the correct course of action at this juncture. However, after reviewing the credentials of yourself and Miss Lohan’s mother, it is this court’s legal opinion that you’re both shitheads, so here’s what I’m proposing: Over the weekend, one of our bailiffs found a wounded old raccoon rooting through his trash. In the best interests of Miss Lohan, this raccoon will assume the position of conservatorship over her where it will either teach her the ways of the forest or reveal itself to have rabies and bite her. Whichever. Case dismissed.”