Lindsay’s House Arrest Sounds Draconian, And She Made a Bikini Movie

May 27th, 2011 // 92 Comments

Lindsay Lohan started her house arrest yesterday, and just in case you didn’t think her sentence was cushy enough, she’s allowed to have as many visitors as she wants on top of no longer taking blood or alcohol tests. It’ll be a miracle if she makes it through the night. RadarOnline reports:

Under the terms of her home arrest, Lohan has to stay in her house 24/7 and must not go outside. Her ankle bracelet is connected to her phone system and is centrally monitored by the Sheriff’s Department too.
The home arrest is considered a better option for the authorities because they save a lot of money with no jail costs to absorb; Lohan is not currently undergoing any blood or alcohol testing.

Except it gets even more hilarious than that. TMZ reports she’s bought a ton of art supplies and plans to spend her time painting and – wait, wait for it – reading scripts “so she can decide on her next project.” AHAHAHA! She should write this site instead of me because there’s no way I’m topping that. On that note, guess who’s on drugs again. You’ll never guess.

UPDATE: Apparently, Lindsay just made some sort of 90 second YouTube video that’s nothing but her in a bikini, so I guess she really is reading scripts after all. I stand corrected.

Photo: Fame, INFdaily

superficial

  1. Cock Dr

    She’s enthralled with herself. It’s a romance of one.

    • Why do you think she loves coke so much? She gets to incorporate her 3 favourite things: Drugs, money and her reflection in the mirror.

    • Robo-Jihad

      Definitely want to tongue that pussy and tight little asshole. Gawddamn, my buddy’s girlfriend looks kind of like her and he let me and my other buddy Troy fuck her with him… It was awesome, the whole time I just imagined it was LiLo. Score.

      • mel

        robo-jihan, i’m glad you seem to have enjoyed that tryst. at the same time when 3 dudes get nude and stiff and there’s only 1 girl who’s involved, that sir is quite frankly gay. 3 cocks 1 girl? c’mon now. i suppose you’re flying a rainbow flag for memorial day, yeah?

  2. Ponkur

    What a wonderful range she has – drugged, dazed, confused, she can do it all.

  3. Mr Honest

    She be gross

  4. holy mackerel the extra weight has really helped. that video was sexy as fuck

  5. RoboZombie

    Juggsy McCrackwhore!

  6. The Lord Almighty

    She looks pretty good for 40.

  7. lol

    wtf was that

  8. Mick

    That was dumb as shit.

  9. suck it

    WTF did I just watch???

  10. PopeyesChicken

    I would still capsize her sailboat.

  11. catapostrophe

    WOW does that suck!

  12. Richard McBeef

    I have ripped farts that came out better than that movie. Made more sense too.

    • McBeef Wins Big Time

      Thanks…I just spit Mountain Dew all over my computer screen. Hot damn that was funny! LOL

    • Jovy

      Polls are in and the results show that 99.9% of the population would much rather watch McBeef break wind than to watch anything created by the useless manatee formerly known as Lohan.

  13. Dave ain't here, man

    Well, that’s 90 seconds of my life I’ll never get back. I seriously don’t understand what anyone ever saw in her, trainwreck or no trainwreck.

    • Doo dat

      What else would you’ve done with the 90 seconds really? Shut up with that tired ass line, please.

    • The Critical Crassness

      Reading your tedious comment about 90 seconds of your life lost watching Lindsay is 90 seconds none of us will ever get back either….who gives a rat’s behind….STFU, watch the video again, make it an even 180 lost and then forget it!

  14. She should really avoid close up shots of her face. The wrinkled leathery skin look is not in style this season.

  15. Venom

    Still hot as fuck with giant super delicious tits.

  16. Sheppy

    I probably still would.

  17. This Richard Phillips guy probably just took advantage of the fact that she’s desperate to be filmed, and dumb as a box of rocks. …”ok Lindsay, this next scene is an homage to Brown Bunny…it totally made Chloe Sevigny’s carrer”

  18. It had to be said

    “Draconian?” Listen, college boy, lay off the $5 words.

  19. Misty

    She ALWAYS look like she’s been standing behind someone with a bad case of the hershey squirts. Notice the speckling?

  20. Nice undergraduate film school project.

  21. blt

    “Wh-wh-what do you mean I still have to go under house arrest?! You promised if I let you film me in a bikini I could have all the c-c-coke, booze and freedom I wanted”

  22. NTT

    You could pack for a month long trip to Europe with the bags under her eyes

  23. Ho.Lee.Shit

    I’ve developed trust issues with you Fish.

  24. fleshpeddler

    I’m not positive but I think that might have been a trailer for “Jaws IV – Revenge of the Lohan!”

  25. Art-farty terribleness aside, I would shove my cock so far down her throat it would come out her ass.

    • Rex

      Please don’t worry when your cock falls off.

    • mel

      give her the ol’ purple tail eh? normally i’d agree with you except that in this instance, we’re talking about lohan and i don’t find her the least bit attractive. i think her look could be reasonalby defined as, “crusty” and she causes my wang to travel back up inside my gut. now if we were talking about tila tequila, (despite all the rabid hate that she inspires) i’d smell her ass so hard i’d get her manure in my brain. (i just watched her sex tape and she’s fresh in my yet-to-be-manure-filled mind.)

  26. Chupacabra

    bitch tries too hard now. it’s pathetic. at least charlie sheen isn’t even trying anymore.

  27. mimi

    she looks like Marilyn Monroe in her last movie. The year she died. When she was 36.

  28. DKNY

    Wait, the producer’s name is Dick Fillups?

  29. Dude

    She rules. Period.
    And you know thiiiiiiiis!

  30. Vag-omach

    Say what you will, but I’d totally dick punch her in the fart box.

  31. I.P. With Caution

    What’s the chance Richard Philips is her dealer?

  32. boing

    great waves just outside her house…

  33. mouthy moutherson

    Whew! Thank god there wasn’t any speaking… girl like that only has a chance of acting by keeping her mouth shut. Unless she *really* needs a role, then her mouth can be WIDE OPEN.

  34. Devo

    That video was a satire, right? Either Lindsay is a comic genius, or truly the saddest person that ever lived. We’ll never know.

  35. herbiefrog

    hey sweetheart… : )))

    art

  36. Jentilly

    Come on guys, she’s deep now

  37. The Critical Crassness

    Fish, sorry to hear you’re back on drugs after attempting to write something as creative as Lindsay saying she is reading scripts. It is definitely enough to drive you to drug use, knowing that she writes better sarcastic stuff. When does Photoboy step in so you can enter rehab?

  38. A REAL MAN

    If she had done it all naked, then I’d truly be impressed by her boldness and artistic intensity. You women need to be more open with your bodies and give the world some sense of pleasure/hope in these dismal times. to those of you young babes out there who have, as I noticed at the dmv today some girls airing out the boobs and showing off a lot of skin, THANK YOU.

    • Michael

      “If she had done it all naked, then I’d truly be impressed by her boldness and artistic intensity.”

      That’s an interesting theory. Sadly, she probably has alot of stretch marks, needle scars, and worn-out pussy lips flapping in the breeze. It’d look like those ugly-ass women on Drunken Stepfather.

      Maybe once she cleans herself up, my interests will skyrocket.

      • Johnny Cage

        Yeah Mike, but every celeb has that. Don’t even get me started on Sheen, Downey Jr, Keith Richards, or all the pornstars we watch. The pornstars got crystal meth waiting for them on set when they do their scenes. Come to think of it Richards was worse than all of them above.

        Personally other than Diora Baird, Lindsay is perhaps the hottest ginger I’ve ever seen.

  39. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Short Film
    Brad Hallston
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d still lick her asshole

    • I can do better than that

      I would marry her just to tap her butthole and screw them tits and fuck her mouth

      Oh yeah every once in awhile the vah jay jay

  40. Brad Hallston

    Look, the fact that shes fallen from grace doesn’t matter, as she wouldn’t be the first past-her-prime cokewhore with questionable skin-quality thats used my face as a fucking tricycle. Bring it on, bitch.

  41. Mezzy

    That would be just a tad bit better with a scene of her in a dirty alleyway, slamming her hand on the pavement screaming “Lindsay Lohan!” a la Patty Duke in Valley Of The Dolls.

  42. Gregory

    I fucking love this bitch and i could watch a two hour version of this! Hail LiLo! Yall just stfu and go back to yr boring lives… Thanx!

  43. argleblargle

    Well, if there are a lot of scripts that mainly contain her staring out in to space and turning her head slowly, I suppose we will be seeing more of her soon.

  44. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Short Film
    Commented on this photo:

    “That isn’t vodka. I was told it would be vodka.”

  45. the captain

    pssst: this is a way the always horny americans will even forgive MURDER.

  46. Dr. Cornelia J. Dogbarker PhD

    She looks like she washes herself with cigarette ashes. She’s such a drunken stupid skank, she’s disgusting.

  47. Johnny Cage

    She’s been driving crazy this past week. Just churning out the hotness. It’s like Machete all over again but without the teasing and body doubles.

  48. imabrat

    A pathetic attempt to con the public into believing the swamp creature has a soul.

  49. notdude

    Yep, white trash is really attractive to…..
    trash.

  50. Sheri

    Lindsay Lohan’s plastic surgery face is starting to look a lot like Rose McGowan’s plastic surgery face. It’s like these fucking surgeons just work with a puffy-lipped, narrow-nosed mold and apply it to every bitch who forks up the $.

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