Lindsay Lohan’s Vagina Offered Another Million Dollars
Oh, I see how it is. Poses for Playboy and thinks she can walk around all levitatin’ and shit.
Lindsay Lohan has only just begun dipping her toe into the exciting world of pornography and already she’s been offered more money and work than Hollywood has shown her in half a decade. We’ve always said it’s her calling, and honestly, I’m proud to see her finally find her place in this cold, cruel world. You done good, kid. TMZ reports:
Playboy’s million dollar baby has just received ANOTHER million dollar offer from a sex toy company … TMZ has learned.
The honchos from an adult entertainment company called FleshLight have fired over a letter to Lohan’s reps … hoping to seal a deal with the actress which would allow the company to take a mold of LiLo’s lady parts to produce “authentic” Lindsay Lohan sex toys.
Wow. $1 million to let a company make a quick mold of your noonerhole. If I was a cash-strapped, washed-up actress with a coke habit and mom who won’t stop leeching on me, I’d ask if they want clay or cement before the papers are even signed, so naturally Lindsay’s going to put on airs because she’s a fucking idiot:
We’re told Lindsay hasn’t seen the offer yet … but sources close to the actress tell us, “She would never accept such an offer for any amount of money.”
So just for the record:
Letting a married, millionaire hotel owner have actual sex with your vagina just so you can get into a couple Fashion Week parties: Okay.
Letting a company make a mold of your vagina to the tune of $1 million so men can only pretend to have sex with it: Not okay.
Phew. For a minute there I thought this family had lost all sense of logic and reason, but clearly they’ve got shit figured out. Everything looks in order to me.