Lindsay™: ‘I Don’t Drink, You Guys!’

April 1st, 2011 // 56 Comments

Because she’s always been a reliable and trustworthy source, Lindsay Lohan wants everyone to know she wasn’t drunk in the photos of her falling down outside the Motor City Bar in Manhattan. She was simply hanging out outside a bar, swapping jokes and making sure the sidewalk still smells like hobo urine. That’s all. TMZ reports:

“I was NOT drinking, nor do I drink! … I was with my brother, sister and friends. I was making a joke. They’re trying to make something out of nothing.”
Lindsay adds, “Just because I’m out doesn’t mean I’m drinking.”

And Lindsay™’s right. Just because she’s holding 18 cigarettes and falling face first outside of a bar we shouldn’t assume she’s drunk. For all we know, she just had lots of promiscuous sex with anonymous strangers in the bathroom and couldn’t walk straight. Or, as others have mentioned, she might’ve lost her contact and had to pick it up off a New York City sidewalk with her nose. That’s the proper way.

Photos: Getty, INFdaily, Splash News

superficial

  1. Sid

    “Just the occasional salty ropey double semen shot, I swear!”

  2. Cock Dr

    The only excuse for some of her wardrobe choices has to be extreme substance abuse.

    • Two Ton Tilly

      I like the earrings though. I am sure she got the five finger discount on them because she is famous.

  3. Sizzle

    Wasn’t she an attractive human being at some point?

    • PopeyesChicken

      I believe she was at one point in time…in a galaxy far, far away…

    • Champ

      Not really – she has the nastiest complexion, flabby body and obviously disgusting personality. Merely because she has HUGE tits people think she was hot. Plenty of women have a nice rack.

      • Brad

        Nah, back when she was in her late teens or so. She was fairly attractive, perhaps not your Hollywood knockout however certainly on the upper scale. It goes to show what alcohol and drug abuse will do in a short period of time.

  4. Deacon Jones

    It seems like her face is constantly shifting shapes, it looks different everytime I see a pciture of her.

  5. RoboZombie

    Next she’ll say she doesn’t have bruising on the back of her throat!

  6. That Rorschach tiger print is WINNING!

    • homosapiens

      I stared at it for a long time and it morphed into something sinister and then I sold it my soul for some jellybeans

  7. MisterSuccint

    She’ll never get the sidewalk stains out of that white shirt.

  8. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    She killed Khloe Kardashian and used her hide to make a vest.

  9. Lindsay Lohan
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Every time I see a photo of this woman wearing something furry I wonder who she stole it from.
    This one she might have gotten off a gay hobo lying drunk in the club’s back alley. Nice score LiLo.

  10. Dan

    this is a good lesson… lindasy really could have had it all.

    but instead she is trying to convince people that she wasn’t wasted…

  11. Santa Claus

    I believe her.

  12. Easter Bunny

    I believe her too.

  13. Who else would get down on their hands and knees with their mouth clearly sucking the filthy dirty sidewalk other than a drunk?

    How many versions of hepatitis did she get after doing that little, uh, joke?

  14. Nate

    Clearly Lindsay is mocking Muslims.

  15. Devo

    “I was NOT drinking, nor do I drink!—-APRIL FOOLS!”

    ***Giggles while pouring tequila in her Corn Flakes***

  16. I thought she was just a sad example of a celebrity surrounded by enablers who really expects everyone in the real world to believe her self-deluded bull$hit, but then I remembered it’s April Fool’s Day! Oh, Lindsay, you lovable scamp!

  17. It’s a little difficult to grant much credibility to someone indignantly stating “..nor do I drink” when they’ve been to rehab 4 times, are currently on DUI probation, and have a notorious history of being a crackwhore drunk.

    It’s like OJ Simpson saying “…nor do I cut up white women”

  18. Lindsay Lohan
    Throjo
    Commented on this photo:

    Whatever…RORSCHACH MOTORBOAT!

  19. Ed

    She doesn’t drink OR lie.

  20. Lindsay is no dummy. Everyone knows alcohol totally harshes the mellow of some good old fashioned China white.

  21. Lindsay Lohan
    miguelito
    Commented on this photo:

    HOT DRESS

  22. Lisa

    What the fuck is with the trademark thing? Are you kidding me?

    • Fletch

      Yeah, she just goes by Lindsay now. According to Dina, anytime someone says Lindsay they are actually talking about her POS daughter.

  23. brit

    Motor City Bar is a 21+ year old bar. Why was Ali there then?
    it’s a midwest bar. You go there to drink.

  24. Lindsay's lawyer

    I am appalled that you’d question the veracity of her statement.

  25. skuddles

    Funny she didn’t mention not doing drugs either … guess that’s what Lindsay would consider a harmless little white line… I mean lie!

  26. absinthe

    cute lips, linds. you don’t look like a duck at all.

  27. vitobonespur

    “…making sure the sidewalk still smells like hobo urine.”

    Christ, that’s funny. Good one, Fish.

  28. That's Retarded

    That’s retarded

  29. I wonder if Lindsay remembers insisting that she didn’t use drugs, then demanding to be allowed to go to rehab for her addiction rather than go to jail.

    This is typical junkie behavior…all the previous times they’ve lied to your face don’t excuse you refusing to believe them THIS time. You’re a bad person.

  30. socool

    Since do recovering alcoholics spend 7 nights in a row at nightclubs? Somebody fell off the wagon!

  31. leenie

    She looks so old. Drugs & excessive booze are not your friends!

  32. molls

    That’s because she’s busy doing coke. FACT

  33. Going to the bar just to hang out with family is like going to the movies just for the great candy bargains.

  34. Noffiufh Viuwfiafi

    Poor hot mess. :(

  35. Jon and Kate Plus Hate

    You know Lindsay(tm) I don’t wack off to japanese porn! just thought you’d like to know.

  36. the one

    lilo again?
    PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!

  37. anonymous

    Queen of Denial. She’s been photographed falling down drunk how many times in the past 6 months? I know of a minimum of 3 times.

    Most people can go through their entire lives not falling on their asses in public because they were drinking.

  38. Lindsay Lohan
    maria
    Commented on this photo:

    she probably wasn’t
    everyone acts as though she is like 45 years old or something
    she is young
    she was probably just fooling around having fun
    everyone should back off her

  39. kendrachanae

    Oh please Lindsay haven’t we heard the same shit over and over again? Stop making up excuses and be a woman and woman up to your faults! Hey,don’t blame the world because you’re a has-been and washed up.

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