Lohan is Defending Harvey Weinstein (In an English Accent, Obviously)

In case you haven’t been keeping up with Lindsay Lohan, she’s taken up residence in Dubai to be a fashion ambassador to Islam or something. (I’m not kidding.) Considering that Lohan’s mental train left the station a long time ago, it should come as no surprise that the little coke engine that could is defending Harvey Weinstein.

Before I go any further, let’s just take a listen to this little audio gem of Uncle Harvey trying to coax Italian model Ambra Battilana Gutierrez into watching him jerk off in the shower or something. Just to reiterate the severity of the situation…

Last night Lindsay took to Instagram to remind the world that she really is a truck stop waitress trapped in a child star’s adult body when she said she “feels bad for him and everyone needs to stop.” She also said that Harvey’s wife, who announced she is ditching her lecherous husband despite their ironclad prenup that will force her to have to start flying commercial, “should take a stand and be there for her husband because he’s never harmed me or done anything wrong to me and we’ve done several movies together…”

*sets down coffee cup, cracks knuckles, exhales*

Lindsay Lohan, you just fucked up.

The bandwagon human-rights activist and self-absorbed polyglot may front as a voice for the oppressed in the Middle East, but she must have let the whole “rape culture” thing (that’s an even bigger problem in places like Dubai, where Lohan currently resides) slip through the cracks. Just because Harvey Weinstein didn’t try to score a massage off of you in a hotel room doesn’t mean that he’s a good guy who deserves a break. Again, for anyone just joining us… I’d like you to reexamine the audio clip I’ve embedded above. Now multiply that by hundreds of women, many of whom are still too terrified to come forward, and here we are…

I promised myself I wouldn’t get flustered over Lindsay Lohan’s idiotic opinion. After all, this is the same woman who basically went full Chris Cocker and tried to get people to leave Trump alone a few months back. She also has a fake English accent that psychologists have spent their entire careers trying to decipher the origin and meaning of.

If Lindsay’s defense of a hogbodied pussyhound who used his industry power to prey on women still upsets you, I’d like to introduce you to one of my favorite alternatives to drinking yourself into a stupor. Ladies and gentlemen… the soothing sounds of Jazz Loon…