Lindsay Lohan: ‘Shaking People’s Hands Is Community Service’

Lindsay Lohan only had a short window of time to finish her community service so she could stay out of jail for whatever the fuck offense she’s still on probation for. I can’t even keep these straight anymore. So naturally instead of doing any of that, she suddenly caught a mosquito virus and tried to pass that off as an excuse. But just to be safe she also logged things like shaking people’s hands after her play as community service which pissed the DA’s office right the fuck off for some reason. What’s their issue? TMZ reports:

Lindsay’s attorney Shawn Holley showed up in court Wednesday morning to submit proof of Lohan’s community service progress … which showed she managed to pull off 80 hours in just 9 days.
The City Attorney said some of the service looked hinky … because it included time spent doing meet and greets after her play. Holley pointed out the previous judge in the case had approved the London facility that keeps track of Lindsay’s community service.
The City Attorney isn’t satisfied with that … and demanded 2 weeks to investigate exactly what Lindsay did or didn’t do to complete the 240 hours.

Lindsay’s attorney also submitted a doctor’s note, but no one can verify whether or not it’s for the chikungunya virus. On top of that, Radar reports Lindsay’s progress report has her in two places at once:

“Specifically, dates when Lindsay was in the hospital being treated for Chikungunya are listed as days she was completing community service,” the source said.

“Now, had this been a case of her servicing two, or even ten, penises at the same time, that would make sense,” the source added. “But as far as we know Miss Lohan isn’t capable of being in two locations at once. Hookers just don’t have that kind of magic yet. The world’s a cruel place.”

Photos: Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News