Coldplay Banned Lindsay Lohan From Backstage

August 5th, 2011 // 99 Comments

Thanks in no small-part to its inherent star-fucking, the California legal system has seen fit to make sure Lindsay Lohan can run over babies with abandon and drunkenly assault rehab workers after they catch her getting shitfaced in rehab with other alcoholics. Which is why stories like this not only restore my faith in humanity, but let me know there is some justice in the world and you don’t even have to like Coldplay to appreciate it. It’s inspirational. The Sun reports, and I expect somebody British to define “wobbler” in the comments even though I’m positive it’s going to mean free fellatio:

A source said: “When Lindsay was told she wasn’t allowed backstage because her pass didn’t allow it, she threw a complete wobbler.
“She protested to the people running the guest list, hoping they’d change their minds but it was still a firm ‘no’.
“She got even more angry when she found out fellow actress Kate Bosworth was there mingling with Gwyneth Paltrow and the band.
“In the end she got so fed up, she stormed out.”

And before everyone jumps to conclusion and says its because Lindsay and her mom wanted to sue Glee because Mrs. Coldplay made fun of her, there’s a perfectly simple and rational explanation for all this: Poor people make Gwyneth Paltrow vomit. It’s true. I saw her walk past a homeless person once, and she yakked into a diamond-crusted spittoon, nestled carefully in a Baby Bjorn for just such a purpose.

For more everyday advice from one mom to another, visit today.

Photo: Fame


  1. Hana

    the way you kno if ur shorts are way to short is if the pockets on the pants are longer!!

  2. Ed


  3. Burt

    Who would want to get a backstage pass to a Coldplay concert, anyways? Their idea of partying is probably knitting sweaters and eating toast with Marmite.

  4. Sith

    Is that you LeAnn?

  5. Lindsay Lohan Coldplay
    Commented on this photo:

    A temper tantrum from an overly entitled bitch? How unusual!

  6. Dick Douche, Private Eye

    I’m still unclear on what a “wobbler” is. Is it some kind of tantrum, fit, or other form of angry expression?

  7. She is going to make a HUGE comeback and then EVERYONE will want her at their events and backstage providing there is one! FACTOID

  8. Dawn

    Lindsay, poor, Lindsay And they say that having a good family support is not necessary. Lindsay, dont listen to a word of this. Your a great actress. You just havent had the pull these others had. You’ll get there if you just stop trying so hard for recognition from a low class well funded scum. Hold your head up and smile the worst is over. Remember who you were before you decided that you wanted to venture down the path. You should of never let yourself go there. Girl, you are amazing even with nothing, and you know tenderness comes from great pain. *smile* even when it hurts. At least you have had a better career than just changing records, or clothing you, haha, laugh, do you know how hard it is to be impressive on screen, and how many “actors” never get there, SO LOSERS SHUT THE FUCK UP

  9. Lindsay Lohan Coldplay
    macks rude
    Commented on this photo:

    i wood hump dat till ladygaga got ahardon.

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