Coldplay Banned Lindsay Lohan From Backstage

August 5th, 2011 // 99 Comments

Thanks in no small-part to its inherent star-fucking, the California legal system has seen fit to make sure Lindsay Lohan can run over babies with abandon and drunkenly assault rehab workers after they catch her getting shitfaced in rehab with other alcoholics. Which is why stories like this not only restore my faith in humanity, but let me know there is some justice in the world and you don’t even have to like Coldplay to appreciate it. It’s inspirational. The Sun reports, and I expect somebody British to define “wobbler” in the comments even though I’m positive it’s going to mean free fellatio:

A source said: “When Lindsay was told she wasn’t allowed backstage because her pass didn’t allow it, she threw a complete wobbler.
“She protested to the people running the guest list, hoping they’d change their minds but it was still a firm ‘no’.
“She got even more angry when she found out fellow actress Kate Bosworth was there mingling with Gwyneth Paltrow and the band.
“In the end she got so fed up, she stormed out.”

And before everyone jumps to conclusion and says its because Lindsay and her mom wanted to sue Glee because Mrs. Coldplay made fun of her, there’s a perfectly simple and rational explanation for all this: Poor people make Gwyneth Paltrow vomit. It’s true. I saw her walk past a homeless person once, and she yakked into a diamond-crusted spittoon, nestled carefully in a Baby Bjorn for just such a purpose.

For more everyday advice from one mom to another, visit GOOP.com today.

Photo: Fame

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  1. Lion O

    They didn’t want her stealing all their drugs.

    • Randal

      This is unbelievable from Coldplay. One of the hottest rock bands to hit the 21st century and they ban Lindsay from hanging out? Do they not realize just how much this will damage their reputation? I thought you guys were cool, now I know you’re just yellow.

      Randal

  2. Facebook Me

    For what its worth a shitty band, banning a shitty actress.

    Its a WIN!

    • Alex

      Wow. New low. Coldplay? The band of unrelenting same key piano strikes bans you from backstage? Jeez.

      • Facebook Me

        The two negatives – shitty band + – shitty actress = THE WIN

        Apparently I had to spell it out like a grammar school math lesson.

      • cc

        It’s so nice to be surrounded by Coldplay haters. “you don’t haaaaaaave to beee alone”

      • Burt

        Good point. My 7-year-old plays far more intricate pieces on the piano than the typical Coldplay song.

    • Venom

      Seriously, one of the shittiest bands ever.
      I can’t believe that anyone would actually pay to go see them.
      There must have been absolutely nothing going on that day.

    • Ed

      Sorry you’re not cool enough to hang with us losers.

  3. Honest John

    “Move that cone ! I’m Lindsay Lohan!

  4. coldplay give lindsay the radiohead treatment lol. wobbler sounds aussie. going barmy would be more limey speak

  5. “…fellow actress Kate Bosworth”?

    I think they mean ACTUAL actress…not fellow.

    • MarkM

      Damn…I was going to say that! Now it would make much more sense if they’d said “…fellow whore Paris Hilton.”

    • Jackie

      What has Kate Bosworth done other than that decade old surfing movie and anorexia? There should be a limit on how long after your last gig (that anyone’s heard of) you can be called an actress.

      • Gen

        Well Jackie, she’s been with Eric from True Blood and that, in my book, is already a lot more than what Lindsay Lohan has done!

      • CranAppleSnapple

        I think she was in the tv show “Pretty White Kids With Problems.” :)

  6. RoboZombie

    LMFAO! How do get snubbed by the lamest band on the planet??

  7. Hank the Crank

    Wobbler: Humorous British working class slang for a tantrum (source, Wilkipedia).

  8. Frank Burns

    Coldplay and the Goopster have restored your faith in humanity and justice? Yikes, that’s not a good sign . . .

  9. Mohammed Akbar

    In my country , I would take her backstage to pleasure my fellow princes and sheiks . We would give her drugs for our sexual pleasure

  10. Jackie

    A wobbler is exactly what it sounds like. A huge tantrum. A fit. The likes of which are normally had only by children and celebrities with overblown senses of self importance.

    • Jovy

      We get it. Actually, we got it upon reading it. Anyone who failed to understand what wobbler meant, given the obvious context in which it was used, got a little extra help/hints as they scrolled further down the page. Thanks for your input.

      • Jackie

        Do you mean all the little extra hints that were posted after I wrote this or the ones that were posted 60 seconds before and hadn’t shown up yet? If you’re going get whiny at someone over redundant posts save it for the “FIRST!” or “That celebrity looks like another uglier celebrity!” posters. But thanks for your input.

      • Gen

        Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Jovy, funny, Jackie, calm down a little, I liked your definition and don’t get mad at Jovy, he did say thank you for your input at the end.

  11. RoboZombie

    Jesus I just actually read the article and Gwyneth Paltrow was there too? What a freaking DOUCHEFEST!

  12. RoboZombie

    Hey everyone, save yourself some time: goop.com is not, I repeat NOT, a bukakke site.

  13. lahlahboy

    To throw a wobbler = to become very angry

  14. cat

    Wobbler = tantrum.

    If you could push this word into common American usage that would be HI-larious.

    What ho!

  15. LJ

    Since Paltrow basically admitted that Chris Martin does groupies when he’s on the road, and since LiLo and her sister were given free tickets by Martin, it looks as though Lilo was cued up for an after concert BJ until wifey showed up then her name fell of the guest list.

  16. baron of all media

    19 comments and no one has noticed the translusence of her top, awarding me with a nipple shot and a boner? for shame!!! all of you, for shame!!!

    • Cock Dr

      No one cares about this worn out entitled cunt anymore.

      • baron of all media

        my penis cares plenty

      • grumpy gus

        The worldly types on this board wanted us all to know how worldly they are, and just had to be first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth to tell us what a wobbler is!

    • TomFrank

      Maybe you should look up “translucent” because that’s not what her top is.

      What she wore to that women’s shelter that time? THAT was translucent.

  17. that was a win-win.

  18. truth.org

    I would beast fuck her freckly cigarette stankin’ mtittays

  19. MarkM

    What the hell is the problem with Coldplay? Didn’t the all want to get laid?

  20. Lindsay Lohan Coldplay
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I still totally hate Coldplay. The singer is such an song stealing douche.

  21. I’m sorry Lindsay, we only have enough cocaine for the band, the managers, the roadies, the light guys, the grips, the soundboard team, the back-up singers, the piano tuner, the local press, the fan club, the cooks, the Pilates instructor, and Gwyneth’s life coach. We know your appetites.

  22. Lindsay Lohan Coldplay
    Commented on this photo:

    This place sucks, they wouldn’t let me test any drugs.

  23. the whole enchilada

    Nice pockets.

  24. Some Guy

    Finally a reason to not completely loathe coldplay.

  25. cc

    Actually, the story is wrong…she thought of the backstage antics she heard about from her mother in a different era and a light went off in her head…’FREE BLOW’. So she hustled her ass down there and was informed that, in fact, there was no blow at all. Then a guard promised some blow in exchange for a GOBBLER.

  26. Lindsay Lohan Coldplay
    GuyLeDouche
    Commented on this photo:

    wobbler = hissy fit

  27. Chung

    I would totally ask Linday if I could glass bottom boat her! She strikes me as the type that would say “f that”, just let it go on my bare face! Or maybe she would ask to do “one girl and one cup”.

  28. Samantha Ronson

    AMAZING! She is 20-something yrs old and looks used up! The only other 20-something women I know that look that bad are hookers and meth heads (some of them are both). Anyway, keep up the good work Lindsay Lohan. Your big cans got you famous, pretty soon you’ll need some money so we’ll get to see them in all of their glory + those droopy mudflaps I bet you got down there.

  29. You know how I know you’re gay?

  30. Lindsay Lohan Coldplay
    NG
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s still hot as fuck. I don’t care how much you trash her. I would do her in a second. Go Lindsay.

  31. dontkillthemessenger

    I must be in the minority because I think Coldplay has some very good songs and I’d still fuck Lindsay Lohan… with one of those body size condoms from “The Naked Gun”. However, she shouldn’t expect to get backstage anywhere, even a middle school production of Our Town.

    • I’m unfamiliar with Cold Play. But I’m with you…I’d still bang her, too.

      So I flipped on Celeb Rehab the other night and there was Michael Lohan throwing a wobbler because he felt his gf was being discriminated against… “…observing the rules…taking responsibility…blah-blah-blah.” He said, “I always observe the rules and they (the Rehab staff) should have to, as well!”

      I almost gagged on my semen shake. NOBODY in the Lohan family observes any rules, and they NEVER take responsibility for their actions. What a crock of shit!

  32. Johnny Cage

    Dang, I’m loving the Daisy dukes and long blonde pigtail combo. Still I don’t understand how was that punishment being banned from Coldplay again?

  33. Kamrynne

    The cone silently got revenge. Bbbbwwwaahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

  34. bing

    She is not aging well.

  35. sitin

    Is she drinking Gin, Vodka, or just plain rubbing alcohol since it’s quite cheap and over-the-counter?

  36. I learned what a “wobbler” or “having a wobble” is from watching The Osbournes. During one of many scenes where Kelly loses her fucking mind, Ozzy was good enough to explain it.

  37. Satan

    She’s washed up, fade into the background Lindsey. Nobody cares about you anymore you ruined your own career.

  38. anonym

    coldplay said
    “Get the fuck out! “

  39. Lindsay Lohan Coldplay
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m just saying, there were times when people PAID me to pee in a cup, and now I’m supposed to just do it for free? I should get SOME consideration.”

  40. MeMo

    Lindsey should get into porn.

  41. Brad Hallston

    So yeah I’ll read the article in a bit, just wanted to stop by and say that I’d still eat her asshole. Ps. Coldplay is gay

  42. the one

    she still thinks she is a celebrity.
    …….YOU BELIEVE THAT?

  43. Lindsay Lohan Coldplay
    Charles
    Commented on this photo:

    DYE YOUR HAIR BACK RED, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

  44. SAFETYMAN

    Don’t listen to Coldplay, but seems like they have some standards. Bitch’s time is over, go away.

  45. Alex

    Wobbler = throwing a complete shit fit over nothing.

  46. Kanye doe not like white folk

    She can come backstage with me any time . I like degrading white women

    • Dann

      That’s OK because white folks hate black folks. Lohan is disgusting filth. She can be found in any hole.

  47. Meg

    They must have had enough women to give them bj for the night. I don’t believe for one minute that Paltrow was there but I believe the rest of the story. Lindsay look like walking STDs but then isn’t that the way most men like their women-dirty, nasty and white trash looking.

  48. Nate

    Actually no they didn’t. This is a fake story. Also who cares, Coldplay sux!

  49. Kady

    Lindsay Lohan grosses me out!
    Her hair looks like it’s barely hanging onto her head, her body is wrecked from starving herself, her face is plastic and she has the worst style in Hollywood !! She’s a drug addict, a drunk, a thief, a piss poor driver who wastes tax-payers money. Plus, she’s a shitty actress!
    You know.. if the internet stops reporting about her, she’ll disappear!

  50. I’m even better than Lilo. I love married men. Look me up on fb Angie Crum Stottlemyer. I also go by, homewreckinghor. Any married men can message me anytime. kisses

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