Coldplay Banned Lindsay Lohan From Backstage

Thanks in no small-part to its inherent star-fucking, the California legal system has seen fit to make sure Lindsay Lohan can run over babies with abandon and drunkenly assault rehab workers after they catch her getting shitfaced in rehab with other alcoholics. Which is why stories like this not only restore my faith in humanity, but let me know there is some justice in the world and you don’t even have to like Coldplay to appreciate it. It’s inspirational. The Sun reports, and I expect somebody British to define “wobbler” in the comments even though I’m positive it’s going to mean free fellatio:

A source said: “When Lindsay was told she wasn’t allowed backstage because her pass didn’t allow it, she threw a complete wobbler.
“She protested to the people running the guest list, hoping they’d change their minds but it was still a firm ‘no’.
“She got even more angry when she found out fellow actress Kate Bosworth was there mingling with Gwyneth Paltrow and the band.
“In the end she got so fed up, she stormed out.”

And before everyone jumps to conclusion and says its because Lindsay and her mom wanted to sue Glee because Mrs. Coldplay made fun of her, there’s a perfectly simple and rational explanation for all this: Poor people make Gwyneth Paltrow vomit. It’s true. I saw her walk past a homeless person once, and she yakked into a diamond-crusted spittoon, nestled carefully in a Baby Bjorn for just such a purpose.

For more everyday advice from one mom to another, visit today.

Photo: Fame