Lindsay Lohan’s Breasts Have Died (2004 – 2014)

In every photo like this there’s always a black guy in the background saying, “Anal is extra, motherfucker. Anal is extra, motherfucker. Anal, motherfucker, is extra. Motherfucking anal is extra.”

Here’s Lindsay Lohan attending a charity gala in London last night because the British have a more “Victorian view” on prostitution, and I think it’s time we all had a serious talk about her breasts and stop pretending they haven’t reached critical sag. Which is impressive for a woman who’s only 27-years-old and has never breastfed a day in her life because her uterus hates babies. And, yes, that was a miscarriage joke because Lindsay Lohan never had one. I’d believe a unicorn came out of her vagina before even considering the chance that every single sperm didn’t die on impact if not reversed course.

“Alright, boys, here we go- oh no no no. Turn around, turn back! OH GOD IT BURNS. Tell my wife I love her.”

Photos: Instagram / Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN