Lindsay Lohan: ‘How Dare They Not Cast Me in Black Swan!’

Remember when Lindsay Lohan spent an entire weekend flashing the paparazzi her hooch from the top of a building? That was a photo shoot for Plum Magazine which Lindsay was supposed to give an exclusive interview to in exchange for them flying her and her family out to Miami and paying every single expense. Instead, she completely bailed on the interview because that’s the closest thing to stealing in this situation and thus the source of her power. Anyway, the writer who spent time with Lindsay awesomely decided to just write about all the crazy shit Lindsay pulled during the photo shoot including throwing a hissy fit that Darren Aronofsky didn’t even think about her for Natalie Portman’s role in Black Swan. She can get knocked up, too, you guys! Via Gawker:

On her diva antics:
“As we pulled up to the Fontainebleau, a bright-orange parking cone was blocking the entrance. Not accustomed to waiting, apparently, she lowered the car’s window and shouted, ‘Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan.’ And it was done.”

On pretending to be sober and perpetually starting shit:
She drank wine, even when discussing her sobriety, and was “constantly looking for drama, whether it was picking a fight with her younger sister… or freaking out over a lost pair of Zanotti heels.”

On her 19 years of ballet:
She said she “took ballet until she was 19 and was indignant that she was not considered for the movie Black Swan.”

On her family being a goddamn pack of free-loaders:
She overstayed her welcome at nightclubs and, eventually, the entire trip: “Monday morning was supposed to be check-out time, but Lindsay and her posse refused to leave… It was like watching the lights come on at a nightclub after-hours—not pretty.”

Here’s what I don’t get. Fontainebleau is a hotel/nightclub that sees the likes of Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Hudson and other celebrities who, my personal thoughts about them aside, actually work and create entertainment products. If Lindsay Lohan pulled up and demanded I move a cone, not only would I shove it over her freckled head and toss her onto the beach in hopes she’d get humped by a curious manatee, I’d tell my employers that they can fire me only if they explain how the hell she’s famous and counts as a VIP. From there, they’ll inform me she’s what they like to call a “High Roller Blowjob-o-tron” who will suck a lot of dicks for coke, and I’ll apologize after seeing the error of my ways and beg for my job back.

Photo: Pacific Coast News