Lindsay Lohan: ‘How Dare They Not Cast Me in Black Swan!’

July 14th, 2011 // 82 Comments

Remember when Lindsay Lohan spent an entire weekend flashing the paparazzi her hooch from the top of a building? That was a photo shoot for Plum Magazine which Lindsay was supposed to give an exclusive interview to in exchange for them flying her and her family out to Miami and paying every single expense. Instead, she completely bailed on the interview because that’s the closest thing to stealing in this situation and thus the source of her power. Anyway, the writer who spent time with Lindsay awesomely decided to just write about all the crazy shit Lindsay pulled during the photo shoot including throwing a hissy fit that Darren Aronofsky didn’t even think about her for Natalie Portman‘s role in Black Swan. She can get knocked up, too, you guys! Via Gawker:

On her diva antics:
“As we pulled up to the Fontainebleau, a bright-orange parking cone was blocking the entrance. Not accustomed to waiting, apparently, she lowered the car’s window and shouted, ‘Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan.’ And it was done.”

On pretending to be sober and perpetually starting shit:
She drank wine, even when discussing her sobriety, and was “constantly looking for drama, whether it was picking a fight with her younger sister… or freaking out over a lost pair of Zanotti heels.”

On her 19 years of ballet:
She said she “took ballet until she was 19 and was indignant that she was not considered for the movie Black Swan.”

On her family being a goddamn pack of free-loaders:
She overstayed her welcome at nightclubs and, eventually, the entire trip: “Monday morning was supposed to be check-out time, but Lindsay and her posse refused to leave… It was like watching the lights come on at a nightclub after-hours—not pretty.”

Here’s what I don’t get. Fontainebleau is a hotel/nightclub that sees the likes of Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Hudson and other celebrities who, my personal thoughts about them aside, actually work and create entertainment products. If Lindsay Lohan pulled up and demanded I move a cone, not only would I shove it over her freckled head and toss her onto the beach in hopes she’d get humped by a curious manatee, I’d tell my employers that they can fire me only if they explain how the hell she’s famous and counts as a VIP. From there, they’ll inform me she’s what they like to call a “High Roller Blowjob-o-tron” who will suck a lot of dicks for coke, and I’ll apologize after seeing the error of my ways and beg for my job back.

Photo: Pacific Coast News


  1. cc

    I would have had her in for a casting call, just to see her do a pirouette and puke at the same time. That would be the best youtube video ever.

  2. Superfacial

    And I thought it smelled bad on the outside!

  3. Trail Mix

    She looks like Captain Caveman’s sloppy seconds in that getup.

  4. TomFrank

    I thought the Fontainebleau was a premier Miami hotel, not just a nightclub.

  5. “BlackSawn ” people wanted talented hot girls. not hot messes.

    • And yet they cast Natalie Portman *zing!*

      • PoorMaryKelly

        Natalie Portman has more talent in her urine than Lindsay ever imagined she could ever have. Too bad for her the makers of Black Swan wanted the film to have some integrity. Lindsay’s a waste of space

  6. cc

    She looks a bit like Sharon Stone’s character in Casino, during the latter stages of her descent into drug addiction. Of course, in Sharon Stone’s case, it was an act.

    • Facebook Me

      Right. Then maybe she’ll die with just a few rare gold coins, all the jewelry gone, and a junkie with a needle stuck in her arm in some flophouse where you rent rooms.

      Yup. Just like Ginger did to Sam.

    • I had a private doctor do another autopsy.
      He said they gave her… a hot dose.
      In the end… all she had left was
      thirty-six hundred in mint-condition coins.

      ;) (My favorite movie of all time).

  7. gg

    She knows Black Swan went crazy cause of what was in her head as opposed to what she shoved up her nose, right?

  8. that’s hitting rock bottom when you’re reduced to skinning khloes for warmth

  9. rican

    Well, she looks like the white swan with that thing on

    • Jack Ketch

      More like a dirty, smelly rug … gah.

      • mel

        ha! and i bet she smells of crusted and aged anal pablum! yeah, she always looks dirty and rank. yet she still has such a high opinion of herself. without a hint of humor or sarcasm, lindsay lohan is seriously delusional.

  10. Carrie

    I’ve never heard of this Plum Magazine but I think I’ll seek it out at my local Barnes and Noble to read this article.

  11. papastryfe

    if lindsey “firecrotch” lohan and jennifer “ice vagina” aniston rubbed coochies, would they cancel eachother out?

  12. JuicyLucy

    She looks like the abominable snowman’s twat.

  13. Cock Dr

    From a promising & beloved child actor to despised, unemployable, skanky piece of thieving junkie trash.
    Nice management job mom!

    • Jack Ketch

      Yeah, no shit, but really, with parents like Dina and Michael Lohan, did she really have a chance at all ? Yikes …

      • BE

        Yes – she does.

        Sorry the statute of limitations on “how the parents screwed you up” is beginning to run out. Since she’ll hit that milestone soon, I’d say it’s going to be a rough ride to the inevitably ugly end.

  14. baron of all media

    I’d still do her. And so would all of you. Case closed.

  15. Mike

    She’s such an entitled cunt. Everyone just needs to stop paying any attention to her, giving her photo shoots, interviews, etc, and let her fade into oblivion.

  16. LIndsay Lohan Black Swan
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she wearing a vest of her own hair?

  17. The role of the insane mom had already been cast.

  18. LIndsay Lohan Black Swan
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    “You do realize that their schtick is throwing semen on your face, right?”
    “Not a problem.”

  19. Kady

    Can she please disappear ? !!

  20. vitobonespur

    She’s not displaying her tits. Not flashing any pussy. Hell, not even a bit of cleavage. What a waste of digital photographic data!

  21. Mila Kunis

    She would have been considered for the part, but there was one thing I just couldn’t get past. When I was simulating oral sex on Natalie, it smelled so wonderful, like champagne and strawberries. We spoke to numerous people, including some of Lindsay’s former lovers, and had it on good authority that I’d need a World War 2 gas mask on my face if I had my head between her legs. The noxious fumes would have likely caused me to pass out, even with the gas mask on. We just simply couldn’t take that risk.

  22. Seth

    Is it possible to just stop publishing stories of any kind about her? No Lohan news unless it’s about her dying. This girl is why everyone hates America.

  23. Balou

    The Fountainebleu Miami Beach is a hotel; not a nightclub.

  24. LIndsay Lohan Black Swan
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess you are what you put up your nose

  25. kimmykimkim

    Why don’t they cast her to play Casey Anthony? They both lie out their asses, eat cocaine for breakfast, make stupid faces in court and never have to do any real time for their actions; Casey killed a baby, Lindsay tried and failed. Really its the obvious choice. I mean Casey just might be a long lost Lohan sibling.

    • That Bastard Tony

      You have to be able to remember your lines in order to act… along with your actual name and where you are, something that is very difficult to do if you’re intoxicated. I dread to think of how many takes Robert Rodriguez had to shoot of her scenes in Machete.

  26. I think I got an STD just looking at her picture and how old is she asgian 45.

  27. LIndsay Lohan Black Swan
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me, or do those extensions look like shit? I would have gone with midback length.

  28. Hey Hick Fuck You

    There is something I would like to cast you in Lindsay! It’s called “The Fourth Circle of Hell”.

  29. Harriscandoit

    I can’t wait for her response to the article written about her. You know she is going to go ape shit either on twitter or some other public display. Some people might even pay attention!

  30. Izzy Mandelbaum

    Her personal and professional life are spiraling around the drain .
    I expect either an overdose or a hot porn film in 6 months tops .

  31. You're right

    A poster on another website pointed out that this is the ultimate Blowhan move. After being a total fuckup career wise due to her alcoholism, drug addiction, kleptomania, entitlement issues and arrogance, she finally gets a paying gig at the new low point of her “career”. However, she pisses off her new employer so much that what was supposed to be a fluff piece is turned into another expose into what a collossal fuckup she is. In other words, she’s such a fuckup that, no matter what the circumstances, she’s going to fuckup. What a complete & total loser…

  32. Kamrynne

    Please!!! She was screaming for people to move the orange cone..only b/c the cone has more use than she does and will have a longer career than her…..

  33. zomgbie

    dont fret lilo.
    theres always more HERBIE movies to keep you busy.

  34. Angus

    So is there a hunting season for whatever the hell LL is dressed as?

  35. jump1551

    who is it keeping this jizz-bucket a topic?…anywhere?….the F-bleau?…”F” that, she’s a Motel6 skank, and should be treated as such

  36. ferzende

    thank you eline sağlık arkadaşım en güzel Yemek Tarifleri burda senide beklerim siteme beklemenin anlamı yok dunyanın lezzetleri bu adreste.

  37. LIndsay Lohan Black Swan
    Commented on this photo:

    Linsey Lohan is a fucking retard.

  38. Izzy Mandelbaum

    I’d like to offer her a starring role in my newest production “Crack Swan”
    It requires no real acting talent , just be able to hoover crack and suck guys cocks

  39. Deryn

    All of these comments make me happy. I love you all.

  40. Nugget

    Oh how I’ve missed Lindsay’s delusion-soaked antics. Please never go away again *shaking*.

  41. move that cone!

    I’m Lindsay Lohan!

  42. charity

    If she just checked herself into rehab, made a huge announcement about her addictions, and documented her recovery, she could have fame back again. Maybe even respect. Everyone loves a reformed sinner. In just a few years she could become the poster child for overcoming addiction and proving the world wrong by working hard to be an actress again.

    Drew barrymore did it, and america loves her. Its a pity that lindsay has reached such a low point that people expect a RIP announcement due to overdose every time her name appears in a headline.

  43. Richard

    If she was nagging why she wasn’t cast in the Jersey Shore I would understand.

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