Last week, I managed to completely avoid posting about Lindsay Lohan even when the Freemasons figured out she’s a descendent of Christ and needed to protect the Vatican by erasing her existence, which is how I chose to read that story. So, of course, in an obvious attempt to get my attention, she paraded her giant breasts in a bikini yesterday (Alright, who told her I like those?) after spending all day Saturday flashing the paparazzi from the top of a building despite being on a professional photo shoot.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Lindsay, darling, camera’s over here.
LINDSAY: Pssh, yeah. One camera. Hey, can a lens make out my crotch from down there?
PHOTOGRAPHER: Why do you ask- JESUS! It’s melting the rails!
LINDSAY: And soon, the world… MUAHAHAHA!
Adding… Apparently the Freemasons don’t have snipers making them the shittiest secret society I’ve ever heard of in my life, and I once belonged to a “guild” who played Magic: The Gathering during lunch in junior high. There was two of us.