Lindsay Lohan Posed For These Bikini Photos Instead of Flying Back To New York

April 3rd, 2013 // 107 Comments
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After conveniently fleeing to a non-extradition country bordering Colombia, criminal mastermind Lindsay Lohan was supposed to fly back to New York Sunday night, but instead got off her plane at the last minute and stayed in Brazil despite even her enablers saying that’s a horrible fucking idea. So here she is making some quick cash posing for bikini photos because she’s broke and apparently you can’t pay for things with blowjobs in Brazil. I’ve already written the UN.

Photos: AKM-GSI

superficial

  1. FattyFatty2X4

    Would love to play “Connect the Freckles” with my tongue on her.
    Too soon?

  2. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    diego
    Commented on this photo:

    I call this the “inverted bactrian camel”

  3. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    FattyFatty2X4
    Commented on this photo:

    She should work at a Bakery with rolls like that

  4. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Mateo
    Commented on this photo:

    Fail Ass

  5. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    brick
    Commented on this photo:

    That is one fugly bikini!

  6. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Fondue
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus, where are her hips?

  7. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    That bikini really brings out the blue in her bruises.

  8. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    Mama always said you should walk into a coffee table several times before leaving the house in your short shorts.

  9. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently you can’t pay for things with blowjobs in Brazil.

    If the Internet has taught me anything, it’s that Brazil is all about the ass. And the most you could get with that ass is an Orange Fanta. Maybe.

  10. It’s as if someone brought a Tom Waits song to life.

  11. She continues to be completely worthless and very hard to look at.

  12. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    i sincerely hope her 90 days of lockdown rehab provides her with some “fall down shitfaced the safe way” therapy sessions.

    • flaT

      Seriously. So many fucking bruises everywhere.

    • Tam Tam

      That’s the big laugh of her latest trial – there’s no such thing as “lockdown rehab” and the genius prosecutors didn’t even know that when they accepted that sentencing alternative. So, no one knows yet where she’s actually going to go . . . if anywhere.

  13. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Tiggles
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice leg bruises, she dating a pint-sized Brazilian version of Chris Brown now?

  14. Hold on isn’t she suppose to be in rehab jail? Brazil is a looong way from LA but closer to Columbia…
    26 yrs old going on 40+ body with bruises, stoner face with a freckled not 1 day of exercise body. This is Hollywood Celebrity 2013…………… Boooooooooooooo!

  15. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    Brazilian bathing suit + that body = Epic Fail

  16. Burt

    And that, kids, is what happens when you don’t take care of yourself. So, do you still think clubbing is cool?

  17. Does the frecklation frequency increase proximal to the firebox or am I seeing shit?

  18. Lord help me! A few days ago, I said “I would” when Fish posted the helicopter side-boob. I must have been drugged…oh jesus, what is this 60 year old washed-up whore DOING in a bikini?

    • Rapsutin's Evil Twin

      Don’t feel too bad, RoboZombie, we’ve all been that fucked up before, trust me.

      However, we don’t always announce that fact to the world. Good to see you’re feeling better now.

  19. Dear Linds, since it looks like you’ll be down there for a while, here’s some Portuguese that might not be in your phrasebook. Best wishes, Fred B.

    Gostaria de obter um pouco de cocaína, por favor.
    Eu chupo, você me dá!
    Não se esqueça de usar o aerógrafo, Sr. Fotógrafo.
    Devolvê-lo? Eu pensei que fosse um presente!
    Veja! A buceta flamejante!

    • grobpilot

      So, she’s asking a photographer if he’d like a blowjob in exchange for coke? I don’t know shit about the Portuguese language but it seems a reasonable translation?

      • chicka

        loosely translated (of course, for Linds)

        Gostaria de obter um pouco de cocaína, por favor. I’d like to score a little coke, please.
        Eu chupo, você me dá! I suck, you give me some!
        Não se esqueça de usar o aerógrafo, Sr. Fotógrafo. DON’t forget to use the airbrush, Mr Photographer.
        Devolvê-lo? Eu pensei que fosse um presente! Return it? I thought it was a gift!
        Veja! A buceta flamejante! Look! A FIRE CROTCH!!

  20. Suelyn Medeiros told her to cover up.

  21. dude

    that’s a sweet melon patch she’s cultivating. Mmmm….motorboat.

  22. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Nettie
    Commented on this photo:

    Try to tuck your liver in, sweetie.

  23. Cock Dr

    She looks like what she has turned into; an over accessorized floppy floozy, bruised & burnt.
    Get in line old rich men for a chance to have a genuine Disney starlet suck your cock in exchange for a designer purse and first class plane fare.

  24. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    anonymous coward
    Commented on this photo:

    it’s always been about the tits with her

  25. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Andrew
    Commented on this photo:

    Ooooh yeah baby! Crack porn at it’s finest.

  26. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    chicka
    Commented on this photo:

    …is there such a thing as a reverse fupa???

  27. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Matt Lauer
    Commented on this photo:

    Again, Lindsay, the term “gym” does NOT refer to a “pussy doctor,” although to be on the safe side you should probably spend time with both.

  28. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    bewbs
    Commented on this photo:

    I want to feed it some stale bread

  29. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    has anyone noticed that her bellybutton is about 4 inches higher than the normal person? eww.

  30. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    nicky
    Commented on this photo:

    She has such a weird shape! She’s too young to bruise like that. That could be a sign her liver is not in good health. :(

  31. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    farah
    Commented on this photo:

    Her belly button is so odd! Why is it so high up!!!

  32. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    reinhard heidrich
    Commented on this photo:

    she needs to be scrubbed hard with a steel tipped brush and then have salt and rubbing alcohol poured all over her….for starters…

  33. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    From that angle you can tell that her gut is bloated with backed-up poop. I guess she must be eating some food and not throwing it all up?

  34. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    Poopin’

  35. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice droop.

  36. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    little turtle head
    Commented on this photo:

    I’D SUCK THOSE FRECKLES RIGHT OUT OF HER PUSSY!!!

  37. Eh, she is an awful human being, but she will still be one of my first purchases if I win the lottery. I wonder she is tax deductible?

  38. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    herr herr. I just did a line of sand off my arm. derp.

  39. meh

    Illuminati symbol on her arm, no wonder she’s gone to s**t.

  40. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a bruised up lamp.

  41. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    Somehow, she’s managed to both lose and gain weight in all the wrong places.

  42. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice sex bruise.

  43. anonym

    disgusting.

    I’m a man, and even I have bigger hips.

    She’s pregnant? Yeah, c-section for sure. Aint no baby coming out of that shit.

    All those big ass freckles near her groin are nasty

  44. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    sure i would watch
    Commented on this photo:

    man, just do porn aready. quit dragging it out, you know it will be

  45. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she ever have an ass?

  46. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Sophie
    Commented on this photo:

    Even her belly button’s high

  47. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Danielle
    Commented on this photo:

    Whats with the bruises all over her legs?

  48. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Joe Mahma
    Commented on this photo:

    That is one unhealthy looking broad.

  49. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Joe Mahma
    Commented on this photo:

    That is one unhealthy looking broad.

  50. Dina Lohan

    Precious Lindsay is just radiant in these photographs and that is absolutely no surprise given a special princess like precious Lindsay is always radiant!

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