Lindsay Lohan’s Sucking Money Out of Ashton Kutcher, Too

February 15th, 2013 // 33 Comments

“I wonder if this teleprompter’s rich…”

Because Ashton Kutcher needs more comparisons to Charlie Sheen in his life, the National Enquirer reports Lindsay Lohan has been using him like an ATM, too, because getting up on time and not doing drugs is hard. You wouldn’t understand:

Although their brief romance was never serious, “Ashton has always had a soft spot in his heart for her, and Lindsay totally exploits it,” said a source.
“She has been asking to borrow hundreds of dollars at a time with the promise to pay him back ‘in a couple of weeks.’ Ashton knows he’s never going to see the money again, but he’s very loyal,” continued the source. “Even to a train wreck like Lindsay.”
Lindsay and Ashton’s friendship dates back to 2003 when she was “Punk’d” on his MTV practical joke show of the same name. She also once appeared with Ashton on “That ’70s Show.” But while Ashton’s career – and bank account – has skyrocketed since then, Lindsay’s life has been consumed by legal problems, stints in rehab and financial woes.

I’ll just assume their communications look exactly like this:

L. LOHAN:  remember when I was 15 & u watched wilmer buy me from my mom
but didn't call the police?
A-DAWG: sigh... there's a grand in your account
how long are you going to keep doing this??
L. LOHAN: 4. EVER. <3 <3 <3 <3


Photos: Getty


  1. Veronika Larsson

    Lindsay’s gravestone:



  2. Schmidtler

    I’m a long time proponent of separating stupid people from their money, so good for her on this one. If LiLo manages to bankrupt Kutcher and give him some incurable form of the clap, I’ll pay to see whatever (if anything) she’s in next, or paypal her 10 bucks for the effort.

  3. Lindsay Lohan Ashton Kutcher
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m as concerned with Kutcher’s victimhood as Lindsay is concerned with her sobriety.

  4. Rob

    I call bullshit on this. Ashton Kutcher’s career skyrocketed since 2003? Sorry but no

    • rrr

      i am with rob on this one- something aboutit does not ring true- ashton seems very…self absorbed, not the caring selfless type who fallsfor a sob story in the same way other hollywood men might -ashton is concerned with getting ahead

  5. eh

    I didn’t realize it was already the championship playoff round of the Douchelympics. And in a surprising blowout win, Kutcher is still far more unpleasant.

  6. Lindsay Lohan Ashton Kutcher
    Commented on this photo:

    Lindsay Lohan and Ashton Kutcher both think that they are a shoe in for “Best Blowjob of the Year.”

  7. A tool and his money are soon parted.

  8. I first read this as “his MTV malpractice joke of a show”….

  9. Dr. J

    She was on Leno one night in January and she literally scolded everyone and said people have to remember: “I’m still just a kid. I’m only 27.” That’s the most flagrant misuse of adverbs I’ve ever seen. You’re almost 30 dude. What is it about fame that just infantilizes the fuck out of people?

  10. herbiefrog

    prett close…

  11. Lindsay Lohan Ashton Kutcher
    Commented on this photo:

    Lindsay is a whore. Plain and simple. Ashton is an asshole with no discernible talent. How he’s not faded into oblivion already, escapes me. Just Hollywood garbage. Fuck the both of them.

    On a positive note: Heather Graham. Deliciously sexy.

  12. kery

    Ashton don’t be an asshole stop giving money to linds ’cause she is a grown up woman. :)

  13. He’s a soft touch who makes $24 million a year.

    She’s like your drunk cousin who always has a sad story accompanied with tears, so you give them a few hundred to go away.

  14. As much as I have very little other than disdain for Lindsay Lohan, her family, and all she represents, I have to admit that if she said I could play with her tits and she would blow me, I’d loan her $20.

  15. Martha

    It seems rather timely that he’s doing this “philanthropic” thing right after he’s accused of cheating on Mila Kunis in the tabloids…

  16. Martina

    I’m sure Lindsay puts out.

  17. Lindsay Lohan Ashton Kutcher
    Ripley's Believe It Or Not
    Commented on this photo:

    Lilo is seriouly resembling a cross between Natalie Wood & Elizabeth Taylor in this pic.

  18. Chris

    Linds is just a local Hollywood ho.

  19. Inmate 12236969

    Well as long as she takes money from Obama voters more power to her—you go girl! Rip off those dumb fucks!

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