“Yup. Just another case won by McTits & Son. Gentlemen?”
While she was almost about to pull her famous “Oops, my purse was stolen” maneuver and stay in Hawaii all week, Lindsay Lohan actually appeared in court today where somehow she was in compliance with everything the judge asked her to do since her last hearing. And all it took was her lawyer telling the judge Lindsay’s parents are absolute shithole human beings which you just assume would’ve been heavily documented somewhere if not in every single closing statement. TMZ reports:
The reason for Lindsay’s turnaround — her lawyer, Shawn Holley, who went to the judge before Lindsay’s sentencing and argued that her client needed a rigid structure — something her own parents never provided.
I honestly don’t know what to say at this point because I have zero frame of reference on how to react to Lindsay Lohan showing up to court not having done at least 10 things that would send a normal person immediately to prison. In fact, I’m now 90% convinced the earth’s going to spin off its axis if she doesn’t run over a baby only to somehow be declared the mayor of Hollywood. That’s how these things are supposed to work, CHANGE IS BAD! *breathes into paper bag*