UPDATE: Lindsay Lohan: 90 Days in Jail

I literally stopped paying attention to this whole thing because I expected to hear, “Lindsay Lohan Given 85th Chance to be a Fucking Idiot Again,” but apparently the California Legal System decided to show up today and slap Lindsay with a 90-day jail sentence. Does anyone have any fireworks left over? TMZ reports:

Judge Marsha Revel sentenced LiLo after an incredulous prosecutor, Danette Meyers, told the judge that Lohan has been thumbing her nose at the court.
The evidence was loud and clear today — Lindsay violated probation by failing to attend her alcohol ed classes based on the schedule set by the judge. There were lots of excuses, but ultimately they didn’t fly.
The judge said there was a pattern of violations since Lindsay was placed on probation in 2007 following her plea bargain in her DUI case.
Lindsay broke down as she addressed the court, telling the judge, “I did the best I could.”

In Lindsay’s defense, when you look at who raised her, she was actually telling the truth for once when she said she did her best. I mean, the fact an actual mule didn’t fall out of her purse during the hearing is nothing short of a miracle. “Your honor I have no idea who strapped pure, uncut, delicious snow onto this burro before in my life. (Vuelve al laboratorio, Jorge!)”

UPDATE: And it’s already looking like she’s only going to do 25 days at most. Erection, come back!

Lindsay’s Plea to the Judge:

Lindsay Crying During Sentencing:

Photos: Splash News