UPDATE: Lindsay Lohan: 90 Days in Jail

July 6th, 2010 // 192 Comments

I literally stopped paying attention to this whole thing because I expected to hear, “Lindsay Lohan Given 85th Chance to be a Fucking Idiot Again,” but apparently the California Legal System decided to show up today and slap Lindsay with a 90-day jail sentence. Does anyone have any fireworks left over? TMZ reports:

Judge Marsha Revel sentenced LiLo after an incredulous prosecutor, Danette Meyers, told the judge that Lohan has been thumbing her nose at the court.
The evidence was loud and clear today — Lindsay violated probation by failing to attend her alcohol ed classes based on the schedule set by the judge. There were lots of excuses, but ultimately they didn’t fly.
The judge said there was a pattern of violations since Lindsay was placed on probation in 2007 following her plea bargain in her DUI case.
Lindsay broke down as she addressed the court, telling the judge, “I did the best I could.”

In Lindsay’s defense, when you look at who raised her, she was actually telling the truth for once when she said she did her best. I mean, the fact an actual mule didn’t fall out of her purse during the hearing is nothing short of a miracle. “Your honor I have no idea who strapped pure, uncut, delicious snow onto this burro before in my life. (Vuelve al laboratorio, Jorge!)”

UPDATE: And it’s already looking like she’s only going to do 25 days at most. Erection, come back!

Lindsay’s Plea to the Judge:

Lindsay Crying During Sentencing:

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Photoshop Police

    Bwahahahahahaha! (hee hee!) Schaudenfreude, bitchez!

    • Rough--shooting from the lips and the hips

      What the hell is she weeping about? The bright side is she’s still alive and kicking. Miraculously avoiding overdosing…

      • hollywood_hillbilly

        Down is you are still a douche, douchie. Shouldn’t you be giving Ralph Reed his sensual massage?

  2. gogo

    Netherlands is in the final!!!! YEAHHHH! HUHU

  3. Bill
    Commented on this photo:

    Bout damn time

  4. Jen

    FINALLY!

  5. That Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    She’ll get out the next day.

  6. sasha

    why
    whyyyy
    WWWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY do people think duck lips are attractive? like i can’t wrap my head around it. how fucked up/retarded/stupid as hell do you have to be to legit think that looks okay?!?!!?? they should’ve sentenced her long ago based on her lips alone…

    • barroom hero

      yea, duck lips look like shit.

      I also hate ‘facebook fishlips’ they are in no way cute or sexy…I really hate whoever started that shite, I don’t recall birds doing that when I was a pup.

    • i hate ducklips

      Sasha is a genius. ducklips look bad on her, they look bad on that asian chick on CNBC, ducklips are horrible

  7. Haus
    Commented on this photo:

    Doesn’t she eat box already? This should be like Baskin Robbins for her. 31 flavors of anti-society, inmate snatch for ol Freckles McFireCrotch.

  8. TakeHerNow

    Please take her now…. Then again… My Deadpool will be wicked if she ODs….

  9. Abcdef

    Please.. She will spend a day and a half in jail and then she’ll be released because of “medical reasons”. Paris hilton style.

  10. Haus

    Doesn’t she eat box already? This should be like Baskin Robbins for her. 31 flavors of anti-society, inmate snatch for ol Freckles McFireCrotch.

  11. Rufus The Cat
    Commented on this photo:

    HOORAY

    Well done Judge!

  12. Woodcock

    This makes me happier than that time I had a threesome with two meth heads for 15 dollars……ok ok, a close second.

  13. Rough&Things

    You see, if she was still hot I was going to call for a hunger strike in her behalf. But we all know how this situation has turn into…May that be a lesson to the younger generation. Keep in my what’s most important…

  14. Commented on this photo:

    No more lip injections in jail:(

  15. Abcdef

    By the way, the day and a half trip to jail will be worth her time when she makes hundreds of thousands giving the first exclusive interviews.

    • LJ

      But she won’t be able to give those interviews until AFTER the 90 day rehab stint that comes after her jail time. The judge made sure she was going to stay away for a while.

  16. lovesthissite

    could we please use this as the new banner girl please

  17. Jay

    Please! Please! Take her mother and father with her. If they hadn’t completely messed her up as a kid she probably wouldn’t be flushing her career and her life. LiLo fire your manager and associate with a better class of people. Leave the losers behind. You’re better than the role of a porn entertainer. Talk to Robert Downey Jr., there’s a guy who climbed out of a deeper hold and did what you need to do!

  18. Frank
    Commented on this photo:

    JUSTICE!!

  19. Reg

    Do you think she will join the Aryan Sisterhood?

  20. sofus
    Commented on this photo:

    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v391/Superevil/lindsay-lohan-90-day-sentence.jpg

    a picture says a thousand words… this one just says “hahahahahahahaha” over and over

  21. Jay Jeffries

    I expect she’ll either OD within the next 2 weeks, or will flee the country. There’s NO WAY she is responsible enough to face any kind of court ordered punishment…

    • kate

      she wont have to. Someone from the jail said she wont do over 22 days if that because of overcrowding.

    • its me fuckers

      you took the words right out of my mouth. I was going to take it a step further and start bets with fleeing the country, or within 2 hours of leaving court the SCRAM bracelet exploding off of her ankle in a mushroom cloud of coke and vodka.

      I personally think she will run to rehab and then say she can’t go to jail because she is ‘doing fine’ in rehab.

    • Paula

      Flee the country??? She can’t!!! Her passport has been stolen, remember??? :)

  22. andrew

    i wonder if shell get clean in the slammer?

  23. Ozgirl
    Commented on this photo:

    Token jail time for DUI is like sooo 2007, am I right Paris?

  24. Sam Adams

    DAMN!!! Its about fucking time!!

  25. Eva
    Commented on this photo:

    Now what about OJ?

    • Sarah

      Get over it, the bitch deserved it and the evidence was planted.
      Worry about that Immigration Law beaner! Lmfao!

  26. Taz

    She did this all herself

  27. Toocool4aname
    Commented on this photo:

    I love #2. Its the picture where she turns and says to her lawyer “You done fucked up!”

  28. Cate

    Psshhh yeah right, she’ll be out in a few hours.

    I say lock this bitch up for good!

  29. Guy Rossi

    An Open letter to Lindsay Lohan

    Hello Lindsay,

    I know today was very hard for you. The fact is you can get up. You were knocked down and you likely feel a sense of total humilation. The fact of the matter is that you are alive.

    You have fallen very far. i remeber back not too long ago when I would have bent you over and busted massive load after massive load into you beautiful fire-crotch. eventhough you had likely gotten a clevland steamer from that donk Vilmer Vader-whatever, I still wanted to stick my chocolate wang into your vanilla swirl…and leave special frosting….in your mouth.

    Maybe you wont be hot again and maybe your acting career wont be great but let me give you a 15 point program to not end up making me the winner of my office death pool.

    1. Have your mom visit Michael Jackson’s Dr.
    2. Have your Dad visit Dr Jack Kavorkian
    3. Get Ali to a safe house
    4. Go to rehab.
    5. Go to that island Amy Winehouse stayed at? Haven’t heard about her in a while right?
    6. Go to another rehab.
    7. Take acting classes
    8. Do stage plays
    9. Avoid Roman Polanski
    (and woody Allen)
    10. Gain 15-30 pounds(you look crack-ish)
    11. Go back to red hair
    12. Go to auditions
    13. Figure out other shit to do while staying in show business
    14. Aim to look like this

    http://www.thesuperficial.com/lindsay_lohan_rolling_stone_ph-01-2005

    15. Give me an erection

  30. kate

    Guess Again….they just said because of overcrowding she’ll only do 3 weeks in jail if that !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh surprise surprise!!!!!!!!

  31. Rob
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus fucking christ… about god damn time. Too bad she’ll be out in 3 days but would be nice to have 90 days without Lohan news… Think fish’s site would be dead at that point. lol

  32. Rough&Things

    My=mind

    And I don’t think she can be a fresh face again, ever…

  33. Jon Hex

    23 days is about the same as a detox sentence, so maybe it will help still. She needs to be away from drugs and her messed up family for a while.

  34. bobbo

    she dosent read this you idoit

  35. Hannah

    When I saw this, I literally said “Aaahhh-ha-ha” out loud. I don’t really care about celebrity news, unless it has something to do with Lindsay Lohan being punished for being a little shit.

  36. jd

    ….and the fake suicide watch begins, in which a tearfull lohan shaves her hair (fake bald cap) and pencils a backward swatstaka in her forehead (with eyeliner) by the time she has to report to jail.

    her lawyer will say she can’t go to jail because of mental distress while pointing to her own eye and winking so the judge can see.

    sentence suspended, and party at lindsey’s to show everyone that she has learned her lesson. ANOTHER HOLLYWOOD SUCCESS.
    seriously, anyone outside of hollywood pulls this shit and we see them next millenium. linsey gets 90 days.

  37. Mike Iksard
    Commented on this photo:

    bwa to the ha ha. but she will spend a week tops..lame

  38. SATAN

    Does anyone really think she does more than 1/5 of this sentence?

  39. PewPew
    Commented on this photo:

    She asked the court to remove the SCRAM bracelet so she could flee the country and live with child anal raper Roman Polanski.

  40. megan
    Commented on this photo:

    wohooooo finally..were free from that psycho bitch for some days..

  41. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Whatever…she’ll have fun in jail…I did. Its fun to be with other members of the same sex in close quarters and experiment. It made me the person I am today, at least thats what my partner Benji says.

    Its also good for roleplaying later in life. He prefers being the warden because I just cant bring myself to be anything other than the bottom bitch.

  42. Do you think BP will stop the leak before she’s set free?
    This is the best thing ever to happen to poor LiLo

  43. 90 DAYS????

    Why is everyone reporting it is 90 days?! Did you listen to the judge? She was sentenced to 30 days three times, and each time the judge said they would be “concurrent.” For all you high school dropouts, that means all three sentences can be served at the same time, so she will only do 30 days, not 90!

    • Some Girl

      Doh.

    • memem

      Immediately after that the judge says “a total of 90 days”.

      Not sure how you missed it.

    • kate

      This came from TRU TV….you might want to go study for that GED now. GEEZ

      Lindsay Lohan will be going to jail. The judge has ruled 90 consecutive day on three order. Lindsay Lohan is sobbing!

    • GrammyDi

      I’m pretty sure she said “consecutive”, not “concurrent”.

    • think again

      If you listen again, I’m pretty sure the judge said “consecutive” (2nd vid., 6:15 – 6:35).

    • Moonbeam

      I believe I heard the judge say “consecutive,” not “concurrent,” so they will run end-to-end and not simultaneously. I believe she will serve at least 23 to 45 days, but within 2 days has to report to probation for evaluation by a court-specified doctor to decide which 90 day rehab she will enter right away. I wonder if she will find her “stolen” passport and flee, or attempt a lame suicide attempt just severe enough to be put into a psych ward to avoid jail.

      • Moonbeam

        I meant she has to report for probation within 2 days of whatever days she is released from jail.

    • Clam Hamlin

      The real question here is, did YOU listen to the judge? Time to change that miracle ear my friend, or get a dictionary, which ever one suits you the best. The judge says “consecutive” not only once, but twice. Consecutive meaning: following one another in uninterrupted succession or order, or successive. Not “concurrent” like you tend to believe. Also, the judge does math at the end of the sentencing and adds the three thirty day sentences together to get a total of ninety days. Now how many of those days LiLo actually serves is anyone’s guess, but I would be willing to deduce that everyone is reporting that she was sentenced to ninety days, because she was, in fact, sentenced to ninety days by the judge.

  44. This is good.

    Except that now with nothing to lose Lilo may kill herself between now & July 20th. If you know you’re going to jail, what’s the incentive to stay out of (more) trouble?
    Fun times following her around the next few weeks. Good luck with that!

    • kate

      She knows she wont go. probably allready been told ,,,,dont worry..with overcrowding you wont do a day!!!!!!!

  45. Any bets on her overdosing before July 20th?

  46. CoCoYoYo
    Commented on this photo:

    Does she REALLY think that her lips look good like that? Trout pout is SO lame…

  47. KumaTenshi

    Thank fucking god, it’s about damn time this stupid bitch was thrown in the slammer.

    Even though she won’t be in there long, at least she’s going finally!! Jesus H Christ, it really is ridiculous how god damn long this took just because she’s famous.

    • kate

      Its not just because she’s famous it’s because money buys justice. Someone without money would have went to jail the first time. period. The justice system is all about money. The very first thing they do is tell you the amount of bail you need to cough up. Poor people go staight to the slammer and rich people walk out… now tell me that’s justice. Our justice system is a joke.

      • alli not lohan

        Yep yep!

      • it's a hulluva drug

        But how can that be when this crack-ass skank is too broke to buy shoes? Though I’m totally on the same page with concern to the f*cked up judicial system. At least this is one spoiled brat who’s finally getting a time-out.

  48. GeneralEmergency
    Commented on this photo:

    An Ode to Lindsay’s “Everyone’s a star and deserves the right to twinkle” tattoo:

    Twinkle, twinkle little tat…
    Just now wondering where you’re at…
    You’re not on the town twinkling bright.
    You’re in the slammer, locked up tight.

    Twinkle, twinkle little Linds…
    Shame on you and your Grey Goose binge.
    Stepping into your cell, what do you see?
    It’s just Shaneqwa who weighs three hundred and three.

  49. GeneralEmergency

    An Ode to Lindsay’s “Everyone’s a star and deserves the right to twinkle” tattoo:

    Twinkle, twinkle little tat…
    Just now wondering where you’re at…
    You’re not on the town twinkling bright.
    You’re in the slammer, locked up tight.

    Twinkle, twinkle little Linds…
    Shame on you and your Grey Goose binge.
    Stepping into your cell, what do you see?
    It’s just Shaneqwa who weighs three hundred and three.

  50. Klingon

    That fucking duck-faced whore should be baton-raped in prison by a bull-dyke.

    She’s an arrogant cunt who thumbs her nose at authority.

    For the record, I’m not an arrogant cunt. I’m either a 32 year old Thai immigrant female with a drinking problem and a clubfoot, or a retired 72 year old drill sargent with intimacy issues and a drinking problem. Either way, my words stand: Lohan is a fucking piece of dogshit.

    I’m rooting for Spain tomorrow (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, fuck you) but if Lohan’s 25 days turned into 90 again somehow, I’d be singing “Deutschland Deutschland” and drinking Jaegermeister until I shit my pants.

    Fuck you, Lohan. You’ll end up dead in a gutter anyway.

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