Like It Never Even Happened

October 26th, 2010 // 52 Comments

Charlie Sheen had eight days left on his probation for attacking his ex-wife Brooke Mueller last Christmas, so you’d assume something like drunkenly trashing a hotel room while a hooker hid in the closet would probably constitute some sort of violation. Except, surprise! That would require actual police officers who weren’t starstruck by a guy who wears Hawaiian shirts on a sitcom. TMZ reports:

Sheen may have dodged a bullet. He was not arrested, but cops came close. We’re now told when police arrived to Charlie’s Plaza hotel room, they told him he needed to go to the hospital. Charlie said he did not want to go and he was fine. At that point we’re told the police gave Charlie an option — go to the hospital or go to jail. Charlie wisely chose door number 1.

Obviously, had it been you or me with the hooker, we’d have been TASERed in the reproductive organs before being deported to Canada with all the other sex addicts. But, hey, Charlie has a serious drug problem, so at least CBS did the responsible thing and immediately got him on a private jet to LA this afternoon so he can check back into rehab. Except, surprise again! He’s going right back to work. Suckers:

Charlie Sheen will be sleeping at his L.A. home tonight … shooting a movie Friday … and will be back on the “Two and a Half Men” set a week from today … TMZ has learned.

While this seems like it’d be an awkward situation for Charlie’s co-worker, I’m pretty sure they’re used to it by now and are genuinely happy each time he doesn’t die and put them all out on the street. “Ha! The ol’ hooker in the closet again, Chahlee? Well, at least ya came back to woik and kept the lights on. Doctor says I gots me the gout again.” (Don’t laugh, it’s a daily struggle for Jon Cryer.)

Photos: Splash News

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  1. The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

    FIRST and oh F U Dante!

    • hate 'er

      You really need help. And a life. I would imagine you are not attractive enough to have a sex partner since your entire life is consumed by this site.

      • bitingontinfoil

        It’s fools like this uber-douche that end up killing someone while drunk/drugged up and get away w/a slap on the wrist and a cushy rehab stint leaving grieving families to pick up the pieces. Hopefully his liver will fall out of his ass before this can happen. GO DARWINISM!!!

  2. direchef

    This will make for a great “in” joke on his show. They don’t even need writers for “Two and 1/2 Men”. I bet he gets a new contract.

    • I’ve seen “Two and 1/2 Men” and couldn’t tell that they had writers for it.

      • I agree. That show is beyond dumb. How it has viewers at all is beyond me.

      • Facebook me

        His supposed *allergic* reaction (bullshit) to medication story is a lot more funnier than his show…

        Just like what Fish wrote: “That would require actual police officers who weren’t starstruck by a guy who wears Hawaiian shirts on a sitcom.” This statement alone is funnier than his *yawn* of a show..

  3. Randal(l)

    Jesus Christ is this guy living the greatest fucking life. He goes on a coke fueled rampage with a hooker in tow and the cops let him go fly back to L.A. to film a movie and his T.V. Show. There is literally nothing that could make his life any better. I just hope the police never find out his real name is Carlos Estevez or he would have been given life in the rape-atorium by now.

    • Jill

      Not only that, we have his ex Denise Richards down the hall telling the cops everything is cool, and helping him get out of trouble. Sweet!

    • His ex Denise down the hall telling the cops everything is cool all while TAKING CARE OF HIS KIDS WHILE CHARLES IS FUCKING A HO!!!!

      How can anyone hate on this guy??? He’s doing what 70% of the men of the world want to be doing with their lives!!!! The other 30% are gay, republican, or gay republicans.

      • me

        yeah, because all men are pathetic or gay or republicans or gay republicans. Good job on that one Dante Calamari.

  4. Ash Bones

    YES… Charlie rules !!

  5. Charlie Sheen
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Who’s the portly fellow? A “minder” to make sure Charlie gets to the airport & on the plane without stopping to score some coke or pick up a trannie streetwalker?

  6. Carolyn

    Gold-plated douche bag.

  7. That Guy

    Can I have his money if he passes away?

  8. One lucky man. Gets to snort coke, scare whores and hang with bacon. All while being on probation. Wish I had his probation officer. Again I wish I was famous..

  9. Forgot, he gets to talk about 9-11 being a complete scam and still gets to be on T.V. I hate him and love him all at the same time. I’m feeling way to much right now. I need to lie down…

  10. joho777

    Whatsamatta you? Can’t a guy have an allergic reaction?

    It was some strange compound that made Charlie throw chairs across his hotel room while smashing a chandelier (a chandelier? I don’t get any of those when I stay at Motel Six.)

    When the cops arrived, they found that Charlie had terrified an experienced hooker until she was screaming in fear and had locked herself in the closet. Charlie had been screaming the whole time too.

    The kids and his ex in the next room weren’t worried about the screaming and crashing noises. The kids said, “That’s just Daddy having fun.”

    Everyone agrees that it was entirely a strange allergic reaction.

    Charlie is wondering where he can get so more of that.

  11. Is this guy like the old, male version of LiLo or what? Except without the driving and running over babies and what-not.

  12. Debbie

    As a Canadian, I have to say we don’t want your sex offenders, FFS! You can keep Charlie.

  13. Oh hell yes

    lol Canada

  14. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    This man is just pathetic. A total fuck-up and nothing neither as an actor, nor as a person, husband, father or anything else for that matter. Hey, Charlie, I have a new flesh for you – YOU ARE NEARING 50, IT’S TIME TO FUCKING GROW UP AND GET OVER YOUR RIDICULOUS OVERGROWN BAD-BOY IMAGE AND ATTITUDE! IT’S NOT FUNNY, CUTE OR ENTERTAINING ANY MORE. NOW YOU ARE JUST AN OLD FART LOSER.

    P.S. His show has gotten as dumb and disgusting as it possibly can, too. The last episode revolved around his barf of a brother yanking it off all day because he was to cheap to throw out an expiring “boner pill”. This is as low and primitive a humour as it comes. Fuck this piece of shit.

    • Oh hell yes

      Amen! Two and a Half Fucks is the sorriest excuse for a show ever made. The ONLY reason it’s popular is because they always have a hot piece of ass on the show. The writing is so fucking generic and IT’S NOT FUNNY AT ALL. Sorry as fuck. They get the sheeple audience to laugh literally at every fucking thing anybody says on the show whether it’s humorous or not. Sickening. And these assholes get paid so much money to piss off and basically just dick their way through life. What a joke. Fuck Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson. Anyone who supports anything these two waste of flesh fuck ups do is a moron in my book. What a sad world we live in where pricks like this get praised 24/7 and paid MILLIONS to be pieces of shit.

      • concerned

        Too bad the elites have us hooked on their mindless hypnotic television rather than reading and hobbies.

    • Time out, Time out, Time out.

      He’s not doing the bad boy thing for image. He’s living his life and having FUN!!! Why should he ‘grow-up’? Fuck growing up!!! Ask him to stop behaving that way so someone doesn’t get hurt or killed I understand. Stop being so blatently irresponsible around his kids I also understand. Stop having fun and partying it up because it’s Morally wrong? Fuck that!!! I say Charlie, go on and party brother. Just when ya do, you might want to not fuck a hooker with the kids next door ya shmuck!!!! Don’t listen to all of these morally elitist wet socks who say you have to grow up. Don’t grow up, but be smart about how you party. You don’t wanna end up dead or in jail.

  15. Olpol

    This fucktard probably has every disease imaginable. I wonder how much they have to pay the actresses who play his girlfriends to actually have physical contact with him while making the show?

  16. Mama Pinkus

    I bet he has a two inch weenie and a Viagra habit

    • bitingontinfoil

      Meth truly is a shitty, shitty drug. Looks like his liver’s going too – he’s practically YELLOW for cryin’ out loud. Deathpool fo sho.

  17. captain america

    ……………….what exactly, folks!!

  18. This is pretty normal. I’ve run a lot of calls for drunks and PD always give em that ‘option’ first. You realize how many people would be in jail otherwise? Plus drunks need proper fluids and PD don’t administer IVs. Standard operating procedure..

  19. mike ik

    you guys are so g@y.
    he makes millions for doing fuck all
    if i was charlie sheen i would do this shit ever nite

  20. Amy

    celebrity seems to be becoming more and more full of whackjobs .. unless they are just getting found out a lot easier.

  21. Whatever

    What kind of accent was that suppose to be?

  22. Alex

    Say it with me: Ultra. Rich. Jewish. Club. Takes. Care. Of. It.

  23. Charlie Sheen
    Honest Abe
    Commented on this photo:

    Good for Charlie. I don’t agree with his politics, but think that he’s a pretty stand up guy. Not many of those left on the planet.

  24. fixit

    Booze,….Coke……Naked in a hotel with a hooker…and rich……..Hell, his picture should be on money.

  25. wwinterraynes

    If they would just send him the bill for damages and be done with it it would be better. As for the “girl in the closet” if that’s the worst thing she has to put up with in her chosen profession she’s lucky. I’d be happy to stand in the closet while he trashes the place as long as he’d pay for my time. If it came to sex not so much he’s not my type, but hells bells people there are so many more important things to worry about than Charlie Sheens drinking, drugging, sexlife and room trashing. Now if it was his dad all bets are off he’s more my typr. LEGALIZE PROSTUTION AND GET OFF CHARLIES BACK.

  26. Pondo Sinatra

    This guy has not broken any laws, He can more than pay for any damages he did to the hotel room,…..Bad judgment ?? Probably. But that does not make him a bad guy, As far as his wife goes, she has had her problems with drinking and drugs as well. So until he breaks a law….shut the hell up !!!

  27. Pondo Sinatra

    Im also tired of these TV comentators….. HLN anyone ???? who thinks he should be in jail. He is not like Lindsay Lohan, who gets busted every other week. Leave Charlie alone !!!!!

  28. nancy

    The guy is a total waste of space….die already….

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