Let’s Check In With Justin Bieber’s Balls Real Quick
TMZ has reported that a former Long Island hospital employee is suing her old workplace for wrongful termination. The hospital claims she illegally and “immorally” accessed private medical records of one of their patients… the Maple Messiah himself, Justin Bieber. She claims that all of the information she heard was from word-of-mouth rumors around the office- but who cares – she’s a shitty nurse, that’s not the point of this post – lemmie know what’s poppin’ with those balls, BOYYEEE!
Lombardo has just filed a wrongful termination lawsuit, claiming she never accessed Justin’s file and simply heard from others he was there for treatment of an STD. Sources connected to Justin tell TMZ, he did NOT go to the hospital for an STD. (From TMZ)
That’s why they’re on the payroll!
They say he had been playing soccer and suffered a painful injury. Justin “WebMD’d himself” into a tizzy and believed he had testicular torsion, a serious condition caused when a spermatic cord becomes twisted cutting off the flow of blood to the attached testicle. It almost always requires surgery.
We’re told the doctor examined Justin and quickly realized all that was wrong was a swollen testicle.
Ask any active man with testicles and they’ll tell you that getting hit in the balls is never pleasant, but if pain is lasting long enough to make it to an emergency room “a few days later” your shit is probably scrambled… like literally, you’re probably carrying around a sack of meat that looks like someone dumped the inside of a Taco Bell breakfast burrito into a water balloon. For all we know he has some man-eating, sexually transmitted fungus causes his testicles to turn into pudding and this is all just some big coverup to keep his lady stock high and sell merchandise from that tour that he gave up on…
Oh, and here’s his penis if you’re new here.