Leonardo DiCaprio Told Justin Bieber To Stay The Hell Away From Him

June 12th, 2014 // 25 Comments
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“Hmm. What would Jonah do…”

Leonardo DiCaprio has been picking some unfortunate places to party lately, but at least he’s had the wherewithal to tell his lessers to go fuck themselves in the face. A courtesy that he apparently extended to a shirtless Justin Bieber at Cannes. Via Uproxx:

“Justin was strutting his stuff all over the club, walking around shirtless and scoping out chicks,” a source tells Star. “But when he heard Leo was there, he had his bodyguard muscle a path to where Leo was sitting.”
Hoping to party with the Wolf of Wall Street star — and the bevy of girls in his VIP area — the Biebs sent his goon to ask permission. “Justin was nodding and smiling in Leo’s direction, but Leo just shook his head no and waved him off,” a witness tattles. “He thinks Justin’s a little twit. Leo doesn’t want or need photo ops with publicity-hungry, manufactured pop stars.”

Of course, a happy ending to this story would be Justin having another crying fit until someone brought him a num-num, except sadly we know he just went home and banged Adriana Lima because he caught God personally holding down little kids for Catholic priests. That’s my new theory, and frankly, I think I’m onto something here. All the pieces fit.

Photo: Abaca/AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet


  1. 14:57 on the 15 minutes of fame timer….

  2. Leonardo DiCaprio just became my favourite person in the whole world. Fuck Justin right in the ass.

    Btw, your theory is spot on and you will have to be terminated for figuring out the truth.

  3. Mr. Dicaprio, I don’t like to use the word “hero” lightly, but you sir are the greatest hero in American History.

  4. Later in the evening Jonah Hill paid a visit to Bieber. The world is now rid of the Maple one.

    Alternate Universe ending.

  5. Dear Supermodels of the World,
    Didja see that? Didja see how Leo did that? That’s how it’s done. One flick of the wrist. Please try to incorporate this technique into your own personal interactions with Justin Bieber.
    Sincerely yours,

  6. Short Round

    I’m starting to have a huge man crush on Leo. He’s pure awesomeness even standing next to that fat fart goblin. Now, this…

  7. I’m so impressed by this that I’m going to name my child after Leo. It might be awkward since he’s already 7 years old, but eventually he’ll come understand why I did it.


    “publicity-hungry, manufactured pop stars”
    so you mean…all pop stars.

  9. Thought this was going to be about the Selena/Bieber back together Instagram photo.

  10. He should have used Jonah’s stealth approach.

    I doubt it happened, though. There’s no video of a security guard carrying a sobbing Bieber to safety.

  11. ‘”he had his bodyguard muscle a path to where Leo was sitting.”

    We mere mortals call this ‘a dick move’.

  12. malaka

    this guy wins the oscar of life.

  13. buzz

    Pure awesome. Leo’s now told Kim and her Kardashians and Justin Beiber to fuck off within a week’s span . #fan4life

  14. You missed your chance to get rid of that fat chick, Leo. Nothing sends them running for the noose quicker than you being seen in public with a younger, skinnier one. That’s a shame.

  15. Ha ha, that’s fucking hilarious. That deserves the gif with The Rock giving a standing ovation.

  16. It’s Vanilla Ice time for Usher’s little twat.

  17. Justin Bieber Drinking Adriana Lima Rick Ross Gotha Club Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Ice, Ice, baby.

  18. cc

    I can’t wait for the day he pisses of a violent felon that just doesn’t give a shit. (Don’t forget back in Frank Sinatra’s heyday a mafioso got tired of his antics and knocked some of his teeth out…if it can happen to Frank, it can happen to this little shit.)

  19. cc

    Leo…banging half the Victoria’s Secret angels AND rubs Biebs face in the dirt.

    I’d so fucking much love to be him I can’t even say.

  20. Justin Bieber Drinking Adriana Lima Rick Ross Gotha Club Cannes
    Commented on this photo:

    Is he pretending to make out with an invisible chick, I mean dude?

  21. juanhunglow

    he told bieber and the kardashians to fuck off. man his stock is soaring. shit I will buy him an Oscar or 40 for that.

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