Leonardo DiCaprio is Banging This Now

October 6th, 2011 // 89 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

If you’re like me, last night you woke up in a cold sweat, worried about how lonely Leonardo DiCaprio‘s penis has been since he kicked Blake Lively to the curb. Well, we can all breath a sigh of relief because luckily a brave young vagina donor model has stepped into the breach. Meet Alyce Crawford, former contestant on Australia’s Next Top Model and supposedly Leo’s new piece. Of course his reps are denying any relationship other than a casual one. From E! Online:

Leo apparently became smitten with the fashionista while filming Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby Down Under and has been meeting up with her at a swanky hotel called The Star ever since.

At least he’s being a gentleman about it and nailing her in a nice hotel. Of course that statement came from someone trying to shed a respectable light on a situation that is probably closer to something like Leo posting one of those deli ticket machines outside of his trailer and just standing pantsless in the doorway wearing a t-shirt that reads ‘NEXT!’ He’s all about class, that guy.

Photo: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. cc

    I am pretty sure he and Clooney have some sort of a bet going on.

  2. rican

    Di Caprio > Clooney

  3. Cock Dr

    If she pumps any more filler into her lips they’re gonna burst off her face like a scene in a horror movie.

  4. kurgen99

    She looks like Bar Rafaeli.

    • hmna

      She looks like a combination of Bar and Blake. Leo definitely has a type.

    • Jake

      A little less Jewy version of Bar. Perfect!

      • Dan

        “But Bar is the queen. He’ll regret playing with her heart someday.”

        I highly doubt it.

      • Meh

        Exactly what I wanted to say about the guy, man does he have a type, like right down to facial structure and hair color range, body structure, they could all play sisters in a movie someday, I meab if they could act and repeat basic sentences. Yup there’s another quality he always looks for, dimwitted brainless naivite. I kinda feel sorry for these chicks, but whatever a ride on the Dicaprio probably ups their profile and makes them all the more desirable to many rich men who see the Dicap as some legend so really he is just helping them on their gold digging way. I mean look at Gisele who fianlly admitted she was gay and married that pretty Tomassina Brady who plays lady football and is quite wealthy.
        Frankly his type sucks ass imo. The winning type would be qualified by someone who has dated the following girls: Nina Dobrev, Pheobe Tonkin, Mila Kunis, Ashley Greene, Lucy Hale, Alexandra Daddario, Miranda Kerr(pre-preg) and a young Adrianna Lima. If you can only google one google Alexandra Daddario and be prepared to laugh at the so called legend of Dicaprio. The man dates decently hot dumb blonde butterfaces who are at the bottom of the hotness barrell.The man has crap taste for a billionaire and really how can he not see the insane hotness that is a brunette bombshell? I just do not get his taste, but it’s a personal thing I guess.

    • gumption

      his type is fake blonde hair and fake tits on a thin body. But the gal has to be pretty, not a trailer ho. Giselle was the best and he has been going downhil with Bar and then he hit the skids with Blake livly but glad to see he is on the upswing with this broad. No Giselle but much better than blake.

    • Dick Cheese, Private Eye

      “…glad to see he is on the upswing with this broad”

      Thank goodness, I was so worried you would be too upset to grace us with your exhaustive analysis on this issue. Praise Jesus.

  5. Crabby Old Guy

    Oh Hell, I’ve done her a bunch of times already. Best part was when she timed her moaning so I could still hear the play-by-play during the Super Bowl. Nice gal. What was her name again?

  6. MC

    I don’t ever recall her doing that well in top model. I don’t even think she made it to the final 6. Such a painfully annoying female.

  7. In some of the pictures she doesn’t even look like she is 17. I think as Leo ages his girlfriends get younger.

  8. dave

    I don’t think Mom is going to give her thumbs up either….

  9. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The lack of bikini pics make me doubt young Photo Boy’s abilities.

  10. Parker

    I’d pork Blake Lively in her ass long before this one. She’s borderline ugly. Maybe he’s looking for something else. What’s that song …

    If you wanna be happy
    For the rest of your life,
    Never make a pretty woman your wife,
    So from my personal point of view,
    Get an ugly girl to marry you.

    A pretty woman makes her husband look small
    And very often causes his downfall.
    As soon as he marries her
    Then she starts to do
    The things that will break his heart.
    But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
    You’ll be happy for the rest of your life,
    An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
    She’ll always give you peace of mind.

  11. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    alexxx
    Commented on this photo:

    mmm..no thanks.

  12. Frank Burns

    Looks like a lateral rather than vertical move by Mr. DiCaprio from Ms. Lively. I’d get into more detail, but I fantastically don’t care about anyone involved in this item.

    • Keith

      It’s a scientific fact that new pussy can be 30% less attractive than current pussy, and a man will still jump ship. That’s the power of new pussy.

  13. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    Allyson
    Commented on this photo:

    sheesh, what a difference some makeup can make…. yikes

  14. Aja

    She looks like she’s perpetually smelling farts.

  15. Heckuva job, Leo. Now watch me hit this drive.

  16. Bet you she’s younger than Lively, fits my theory that he’s dating younger the older he gets. I expect him to be dating Saoirse Ronan by the end of next year, and a newborn fetus by the end of the decade.

  17. Chris

    Warner Bros. has really got to get a handle on these horrible leaked pictures from the Superman set.

  18. Deacon Jones

    Man, sliding down the quality meter lately, Leo…

    You want real props??? Go bag Sofia Vergara, motherfucker. She’d eat you alive, pussy

  19. it had to be said

    I appreciate her wearing that clown make up on her lips. Makes it easier to hit that mark in the dark.

  20. Cardinal Ximenez

    UPgrade!!! She’s got those twinkling blue eyes and ruby lips, reminds me of a blow up doll. Would love to drop a load of Ximenez gooey glue in her eye.

  21. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    Mr. Poop
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she got mouth raped by elmo

  22. I am impressed for these fashion show, I like the dress very formal outlook for special occasion. The trends of today’s jewelry watches is Swiss watches for its luxurious style and designs.

  23. grobpilot

    Hey Photo, your use of the word “breach” in this case should be spelled “breech”. You can file that away for later use. You’re welcome.

  24. Next

    This is nothing more than a location related phenomenon. It doesn’t matter how good she is at looking up she won’t be replacing momma on the red carpet.

  25. gillian

    she looks like a little girl playing dress up

  26. dj

    good god she’s hot

  27. RJ

    Not cute and not sexy …. so why? Horse face.

  28. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    Commented on this photo:

    It must be nice being Leo.

  29. Nik

    Yet another buttahface

  30. Al Swearengen

    She looks better without the obtuse red lipstick . I’m sure Leo knows how to tone it down withh is special application of Leo – glue

  31. right

    Just another beard. Only this one has the joker smile.

  32. anonym

    if leo didn’t have all that money, much fewer women would want to sleep with him.

    all these bitches are just hoping to score big on gold by sleeping with him, only to be dumped next week.

  33. HootieMcBoob

    She looks like the love child of Blake Lively and Bar Refaeli. And if that doesn’t turn you on, you’re Elijah Wood.

  34. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    sooooooosuperficial
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t cleo in this photo.

  35. terry

    Come on guys! Don’t fall for this bullshit. Leo is in the fucking closet. He has that new movie coming out where he’ll be playing Hoover’s gay ass! This Aussie is a fucking beard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    PR at its finest!

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  37. brian

    I knew it Leo’s Girlfriends are getting younger and younger

    Leonardo DiCaprio b. 1974
    Gisele Bundchen b. 1980
    Bar Refaeli b. 1985
    Blake Lively b. 1987
    Alyce Crawford b. ca.1989-1990

    • Colostomy Bag

      Leo’s a man of duality, and ‘Old’ has 2 opposites…

      Old Vagina vs New Vagina
      Old Vagina vs Young Vagina

      …so Leo’s gotta cover 2 bases at once.

  38. Carla

    Another beard for the gay pug.

  39. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    Blech
    Commented on this photo:

    E…w.

  40. How lovely it must be for one’s pick-up line to be “Hi, you know who I am, right?” Tap that Aussie ass, Leo!

  41. Throw another Barbie on the shrimp!

  42. BenDoverman

    Another skank that looks better without the clown makeup. What a surprise.

  43. Colostomy Bag

    Young & dumb, shrimp on the barbie style.

  44. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    WhoCares
    Commented on this photo:

    Thats one FUGLY ho.

  45. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice face. Yikes!

  46. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that Leo posing in that pic?

  47. crazypants

    I’ll probably lose my Man card for this or maybe its because I’m getting old – but Kee-rist Leo, ever consider, you know, taking a night off?

    I’m tired just thinking about all the tail Leo seems to have been getting for going on 12 years, much less having to actually nail this endless stream of starlets, models and what have you.

    And has there been one single day in the past year when he wasn’t linked to someone?

    For fuck sake Leo, take a nap, play some PS3, read a book or something. Stop fucking!

  48. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    Phaid
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone gene-spliced Bar Rafaeli and Drew Barrymore. Not that I disapprove.

  49. Leonardo Dicaprio New Girlfriend Alyce Crawford
    quickrick
    Commented on this photo:

    i’d still do her in a heartbeat!!!

  50. Engorged Rodney

    She does have nice chesticles.

    I’m engorgeous!

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