Our Long National Lena Dunham Naked Nightmare Might Be Over

March 11th, 2014 // 53 Comments
Alexandra Daddario
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“Wait. Did a bounty hunter just pull a thermal detonator on someone who wouldn’t pay 50,000 for a Wookiee? If so, I’m gonna queef.”

Because sometimes it’s fun to dress The Penquin in fancy dresses and take his picture, Lena Dunham is the cover interview for the April issue of Glamour where she drops the bombshell that she’s probably going to quit acting after Girls. Which means no more squishy rhombus nudity and that God really does answer prayer, so if you’ll excuse me, I have a post to unpublish.

“I don’t know if I’m going to want to act anymore. I’m always relieved on the days I don’t have to. I’d rather give parts to other women than be the woman having the parts.”

Except hope for the future aside, my favorite quote has to be Lena Dunham describing the art direction for Girls:

“I’ve always been incredibly attracted to pictures of my parents [the artists Laurie Simmons and Carroll Dunham] in the 1970s. That aged photograph palette seems to give an importance to their twenties. So I was like, I’d like to make something that shows my twenties through that beautiful soft-focus lens.”

So basically Lena Dunham wants to make her show look cool by pretending it was shot in the 70s. That’s Instagram. You just described Instagram. The depth of your artistic vision is Instagram. This is why people hate hipsters and hunt them like prey on secluded farms. Or so I hear. *shoves hounds and hunting bugle under bed*

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Behold, the power of sepia tone.

    *smh*

  2. She’s like a Hefty bag filled with irregular cuts of meat.

  3. “I’d rather give parts to other women than be the woman having the parts.” Dear—you don’t have the parts.

  4. I thoroughly enjoy the calls of bravery and power womanhood for her nude scenes through the tacit admission that she’s too gross to be seen nude.

  5. Bob

    “This is why people hate hipsters and hunt them like prey on secluded farms.” Do you have a phone number on this?

  6. Lena Dunham SXSW
    Commented on this photo:

    no comment – clicked over to “Catalina Otalvaro’s See-Through Lingerie – Hollywood Tuna”. Damn that chick is way too hot.

  7. go away
    lena. never return.

  8. Lena Dunham SXSW
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess you could say i’m a “woman”…..

  9. Lena Dunham SXSW
    Colin
    Commented on this photo:

    Okay, I heard about California, but I didn’t know that New York was also banning performing orcas.

  10. Lena Dunham SXSW
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    Original, unedited quote: “I don’t know if I’m going to want to act anymore. I’m always relieved on the days I don’t have to, because I can just stay in my sty and eat fudge.”

  11. I wonder if she ever considered that taking her clothes off isn’t mandatory…or in her case, even desirable.

  12. Hugh G. Rection

    I don’t mind a fat chick getting naked on tv. But a fat chick with heinous tattoos, now that’s just over the line.

  13. I’m never giving up my guns, but…I would support Lena Dunham control.

  14. I don’t care for or about all the hippy lens filter shit, but I like looking at her naked and would gladly fuck the shit out of her.

  15. Swearin

    I’d be more inclined to believe her if there wasn’t a mountain of evidence in every story, interview, anecdote, Tweet, cross-link, and every episode of her own series that shows her to be an incredible narcissist.

    I mean, just this winter at TCA a reporter asked why she is usually the one naked on her show (not “Why is your show so nude?” but rather, “Why is it usually you and not the other leads?”) and she was so offended that anyone would even question her about something like that. Her response was basically, “Well, if some people don’t like me, that’s their problem.”

    She can’t not be in front of a camera any more than her idol, Tina Fey. At least Tina Fey is truly funny.

    • Oh, this. I truly don’t give a shit if she’s over or underweight, since I’m not a baggage handler, and since I assume her relentless nudity is fueled by the whole “I’m so comfortable in my skin I can be naked even though I don’t conform to YOUR idea of feminine beauty, so it’s your problem if you don’t find me hot so I’m taking my clothes off again just to reinforce that” attitude, and that I’m supposed to be in awe of it, so I refuse to play. Besides, Dunham’s painfully obvious image issues are all about her body when it’s clothed, which would be entertaining only if I needed more irony in my life, and thankfully I don’t. What I refuse to indulge is her smug assumption that she’s too überhip and funny for us mere mortals, and we should be grateful as fuck that she deigns to grace us with her mental droppings and lets us gaze upon her naked yet again, just so we can be convinced how truly awesomesuperhip she is. And naked.

      The only thing I remain firmly convinced about is that if we keep on rewarding everyone with those fucking participation medals just for showing up every day at school we’ll be more than ass-deep in more boring nonentities like her in another five years. Stop the madness now!

  16. Rosie O'Donnell

    I admire how she can be so fat and still have tiny tits.

  17. I confess to holding back the dry heaves watching her naked on Girls… that is until I heard her at the Howard Stern birthday bash. She wowed and wooed me. Now I’m smitten. (and I’m a straight girl.)

  18. Urbanspaceman

    Acting? What acting? Doesn’t she play herself?

  19. ForTheBest

    I think we all agree then that this pig should stay behind the camera

  20. Burt

    I imagine the dutch ovens that she lights up when she hibernates

  21. Boo!

    I applaud her bravery in being comfortable with who she is. This article continues the notion that unless you’re slim and conventionally beautiful as a woman (even though we have to look at overweight men all the time and no one complains), you should be heard not seen. Thanks for continuing to make it hard for anyone that doesn’t fit that body type.

    • Applaud all you like, but a strong body image will only take you so far, and what she is, is self-obsessed and painfully not funny. I truly wouldn’t care if she were 300 pounds, if only she was one quarter as funny as she thinks she is.

      I can name you at least three other female actors who weigh more than “conventional” standards allow, and I’d pay to see them naked because they can fucking act rings around her. It’s not the “seen” part I have trouble with, it’s the “heard” thing.

    • 5 seconds of Chris Farley (RIP) as a Chippendale dancer brings more joy to a day that the sum total of this oddball broad’s alleged workd.

      • The OP would probably file that under “even though we have to look at overweight men all the time and no one complains”. Personally, I’d counter that with Ron Jeremy who always presents a challenge to my gag reflex, but then a lot of people loved the “Wrecking Ball” parody. So let me just say that Kathy Bates was naked off-Broadway 25 years ago, she’s been naked in several films, and is far more “brave” about both physical and emotional nakedness than Dunham will probably ever be.

        Dunham is a facile and glib self-absorbed little narcissist who’s found a one-note niche in which to promote herself; she clearly thinks her every action and thought is precious beyond belief. Since I’m not either one of her parents, I (mercifully) don’t have to pretend to agree with that.

  22. Muffin

    I would be cool with her getting naked on camera if she was at least relatively healthy, but her blubber is disgusting and there’s nothing positive about what’s going on with her stomach. There’s a solid middle ground between hollywood slut skinny and fatty pants, and you rarely see that on tv bc it’s either a hot bitch looking bonable or a fatty getting laughs/gasps. I guess she knows her grotesque body helps her ratings, I’ll give the chub that much.

  23. Shia LaBeouf

    I like her. She’s nice.

  24. She uses that nudity as crutch. She’s not brave for doing it. Just narcissistic. The fact that she’s the only one that gets naked on that show shows me that this show is about indulging herself.

    It’s just her jerking herself off on camera and forcing the audience to sit through it.

  25. Lena Dunham SXSW
    Commented on this photo:

    This porker’s act stinks on ice.

  26. Johnny Barbells

    …hey don, look at our time stamps …it’s like we’re sitting together on the couch, flipping through the pages of the same magazine. (just watch your hands, buddy)

  27. Lena Dunham SXSW
    Commented on this photo:

    ” I’d rather give parts to other women than be the woman having the parts.”

    I take it to mean she is farming out her organs on the black market.

  28. Nut bra

    What a shame.
    Where will I go now to get my fill of overweight, pasty flesh?

    Oh, that’s right……..’Merica.

  29. anonymous

    Hey Lena: Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.

  30. tom

    Fucking hypocrite hipster.

  31. Lena Dunham SXSW
    JMC
    Commented on this photo:

    Jen: “Stand still while I slip on these little glove-thingies … Our research tell us that voters like fingers.”

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