Yellow Grimace & The 71st Annual Golden Globes

January 13th, 2014 // 173 Comments

Because I wasn’t fucking around when I said we’re getting in and out of the Golden Globes, here’s the rest of the shit you might possibly, but not really, need to know. Starting with these red carpet photos, this Ronan Farrow tweet which is so awesome, he has to be Sinatra’s son:

And Gwyneth Paltrow drinking our peasant water which is the real news here, not how much Chris Martin clearly hates her because who doesn’t know that?

Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Golden Globes

She reportedly spent the rest of the night complaining of scurvy and demanding cold compresses from a Parisian cheese cloth soaked in diamond-filtrated spring water that’s been slightly licked by an osprey. And some quail eggs on Melba toast if you’d be so kind. Poached!

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Emma Watson Butt 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    obviously the slacks were her idea.

  2. coljack

    I doubt very much that Sinatra – were he still alive – would use Twitter to snark at anyone. He was the chairman of the board, not a high school girl with beef. I like to think he wouldn’t use social media at all and not just because he’d be old, but because social media is mostly an embarrassment to humanity. At least when it’s used passive-aggressively (wasn’t that what it was built for?).

  3. Hayden Panettiere 71st Annual Golden Globes
    coljack
    Commented on this photo:

    Her stylists: “We know you’re short, so we thought we’d help you out by creating a hairstyle that makes your head huge and by choosing a dress that makes the lower half of your body appear puny. You’ll look a little ridiculous but certain Polynesian cultures will worship you as a simple of fertility.”

  4. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    jim eh
    Commented on this photo:

    This makes me so happy because I hate her so much.

    Shitty show, she can;t write for shit and she’s that breed of jewish radfem, yuck.

  5. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    AtomicMountain
    Commented on this photo:

    Lena Dunham prefers photographers to shoot her gross side rather than her other gross side.

  6. Kate Beckinsale Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    crb
    Commented on this photo:

    BAM!

  7. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t think it was possible for her to look worse dressed than naked, but here we are.

    • cmonreally

      Speak for yourself – I’d much rather see her in this Fatass Bird costume that was stolen from Sesame Street than ever see her naked again.

  8. Kate Beckinsale Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Len Wiseman apparently still cannot believe that’s his wife.

  9. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    She incorrectly attributes the her active sex life to her looks, without taking into account that men will pretty much fuck any woman that smiles back at them.

  10. Tina Fey Amy Poehler 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Boring as fuck….wait..scratch that.. fucking isn’t boring at all… but these two are. What’s really boring? Yogurt? Vanilla yogurt? Church? I dunno.. they’re pretty dull.

  11. Kate Mara Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Confusing pic. The boobs scream YES… the ‘pitched tent’ screams Oh god whats going on here????

  12. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    meh… probably would do… may have already.

  13. Kate Beckinsale Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    God this woman is perfection.

  14. Hayden Panettiere 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    So THAT’s what a golden globe award looks like under a microscope.

  15. Jessica Chastain Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    mmmm… i don’t care if you don’t have a soul, you can have mine.

  16. Tina Fey 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Akatsuki!

  17. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    AteIsEnough
    Commented on this photo:

    Geeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrd!!

  18. Kate Beckinsale Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    AteIsEnough
    Commented on this photo:

    Without a doubt, still the hottest woman alive!! Too bad I’m married already, I might have had a chance.

  19. cmonreally

    Chris Martin has a better “this fucking cunt” face than I have ever seen.

  20. Kaley Cuoco Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    sprub
    Commented on this photo:

    Not shown: The zapper remote for the collar around her “husband’s” neck

  21. Sandra Bullock Cleavage Bony Chest 71st Annual Golden Globes
    sprub
    Commented on this photo:

    But that dress is still giving me headaches… and I’m color blind!

  22. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    At least she managed to steal Ariel’s voice, so she didn’t have to leave the awards show empty-handed.

  23. Julia Louis Dreyfus Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    sprub
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d buy a TR-6 mannequin is in minute if they were available.

  24. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Sometimes the canary in the cage meant for detection of radiation doesn’t die, it mutates into something far worse.

    • Owen Wilson

      Radiation? I’m pretty sure miners didn’t have to worry about radiation… Are you thinking of carbon monoxide? Or perhaps methane?

  25. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    sprub
    Commented on this photo:

    Deer, meet headlights.

  26. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    All she’s missing is the kitchen and crew to shoot that Jimmy Dean breakfast ad.

  27. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Griefer
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s an inspiration to young women because 90% are better looking than her.

  28. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    phantom duck
    Commented on this photo:

    Geezus, didya rape a parakeet on your way to the awards show?

  29. Kaley Cuoco Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    So. Many. Hair extensions.

  30. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Sometimes the jokes write themselves.

  31. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    A tattoo on her other shoulder would have balanced the look.

  32. Taylor Swift 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Grotesque

  33. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Ironballs McGillicutty
    Commented on this photo:

    Therefore, you will… NARFTLE THE GARTHOK!

  34. Jessica Chastain Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    This is glamour. Why do most of the others look like they’re wearing what they woke up in?

  35. Taylor Swift 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face is already weird. Can you imagine how bizarre she will look in a few years once she starts getting Botox and surgery?

  36. Hayden Panettiere 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Beer for thought
    Commented on this photo:

    Yuck, she looks terrible

  37. Emma Watson Butt 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    That was a Stupid look, don’t like it at all..

  38. Jenna Dewan Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Beer for thought
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a vampire

  39. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Beer for thought
    Commented on this photo:

    Why the fuck would she wear that dress? It’s just bad for her in every way possible.

  40. Kate Beckinsale Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Beer for thought
    Commented on this photo:

    uh she looks really different….weird angel or did she have some shit done to her face? She looked normal on TV…

  41. Taylor Swift 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Beer for thought
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus Christ eat something! That is terrifying.

  42. Maria Menounos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Beer for thought
    Commented on this photo:

    See, Taylor, she eats, that is what you want to look like.

  43. Kaley Cuoco Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Beer for thought
    Commented on this photo:

    Harsh makeup is harsh

  44. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Beer for thought
    Commented on this photo:

    Singsonging: “frump de dump de dumpaty dump”…

  45. Taylor Swift 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Beer for thought
    Commented on this photo:

    Didn’t think she could get any skinnier, and then I saw this travesty.

  46. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Cliff
    Commented on this photo:

    There is not enough liquor and therapy in the world to undo that

  47. Emma Watson Butt 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t the style to just show your underwear? Emma, start taking fashion tips from Miley stat!

  48. Amy Poehler 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s an average looking woman, but that dress is doing good things for her.

  49. Channing Tatum Jenna Dewan Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Tonight she will drink..his..blood…

  50. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    I just spend 10 minutes editing her photo to make her look hotter…and I failed. Photoshop is not strong enough for Lena yet. Also…WHY is there no way to upload a photo here? FU superficial.

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