Yellow Grimace & The 71st Annual Golden Globes

January 13th, 2014 // 173 Comments

Because I wasn’t fucking around when I said we’re getting in and out of the Golden Globes, here’s the rest of the shit you might possibly, but not really, need to know. Starting with these red carpet photos, this Ronan Farrow tweet which is so awesome, he has to be Sinatra’s son:

And Gwyneth Paltrow drinking our peasant water which is the real news here, not how much Chris Martin clearly hates her because who doesn’t know that?

Gwyneth Paltrow Chris Martin Golden Globes

She reportedly spent the rest of the night complaining of scurvy and demanding cold compresses from a Parisian cheese cloth soaked in diamond-filtrated spring water that’s been slightly licked by an osprey. And some quail eggs on Melba toast if you’d be so kind. Poached!

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    Taxi!

  2. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Smapdi
    Commented on this photo:

    “This was a white dress when I left home, but the three hoagies I had in the limo had mustard on them.”

  3. Rodney Dangerfield

    If she had wheels, little kids would ride her to school.

  4. Kate Beckinsale Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    always hot–I felt bad for her up there with user and p dildo.

  5. Hayden Panettiere 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    is her head getting larger?

  6. Kate Mara Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    brick
    Commented on this photo:

    Somewhere, George Jetson just got wood.

  7. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    God! She’s so off-putting. Look at that shitty tattoo.

  8. Ronan is so fucking awesome.

  9. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Put it back in its cage!

  10. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Juch
    Commented on this photo:

    “This is my ‘come hither’ look!”
    “Please Ms. Dunham, I’m a married and just here for photography.”
    “Not you, idiot! I mean the burrito truck parked two blocks west.”

  11. Kate Beckinsale Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes please!

  12. Sandra Bullock Cleavage Bony Chest 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Too many colours.

  13. Reese Witherspoon 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    P90X is calling her. Her body looks like a chubby 12 year old boy.

  14. Taylor Swift 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    The spray on tan just didn’t quite take.

  15. Maria Menounos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    A picture of her from the front and she’s not in a bikini? Blasphemy!

  16. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Bright yellow was a bold choice to pair with the bold choice of showing that face in public.

    • Griefer

      It’s the body that gets to me. She isn’t pear shaped, she’s egg shaped. And her tats are horrible also.

      • I almost feel sorry for her, everything about her is unattractive and not in a way she can do anything about. But then I think about how she’s a member of the hollywood wealthy and entitled set…and I think fuck her right in her fat face.

  17. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    papastryfe
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoooo….lives in a pineapple under the sea?

  18. Hayden Panettiere 71st Annual Golden Globes
    papastryfe
    Commented on this photo:

    Rihanna called, she wants her forehead back.

  19. Hayden Panettiere 71st Annual Golden Globes
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    My math may be off, but based on her regular height, the heels she’s wearing with this dress must be 46 inches long.

  20. Tina Fey Amy Poehler 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Dream team.

  21. Jessica Chastain Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    A redhead for the win.

  22. Jessica Chastain Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I want to do bad things to.

  23. Julia Louis Dreyfus Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Totally still would. I don’t give a fuck.

  24. Jenna Dewan Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s cute.

  25. Kaley Cuoco Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is she wearing my grandma’s curtains?

  26. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Hell no.

  27. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    DirtyFighter
    Commented on this photo:

    “No, it’s not ok to ask me why I’m wearing a bright yellow tablecloth. That’s just part of being a special and gifted woman artist alive today….misogynist.”

  28. Kate Beckinsale Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah baby.

  29. Sandra Bullock Cleavage Bony Chest 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Aging so gracefully.

  30. Jessica Chastain Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Very few things in the world better than a sexy redhead.

  31. Reese Witherspoon 71st Annual Golden Globes
    DoItNow
    Commented on this photo:

    NOW THAT! I COULD GET INTO… if she lets me.

  32. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    JustOneTime
    Commented on this photo:

    Now THAT wouldn’t be bad if she had some tits to go with the whole thing…

  33. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    theres a reason the men in black are close by.

  34. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus, it’s like Ursula from “The Little Mermaid” fell into a vat of Heinz yellow mustard… and ate her way out of it.

  35. Kate Beckinsale Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    ShesMine
    Commented on this photo:

    Can I… PLEASE…

  36. aj

    I imagine if you slowed down this moment to 1/32nd speed it would sound something like this. Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  37. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Corky
    Commented on this photo:

    I tink eyes n lurve. er ice should b closer gether dough.

  38. Lena Dunham Fat Gut Prison Tattoos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re trying to hard to look like you don’t give a shit.

  39. Taylor Swift 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Back, you foul creature!

  40. Maria Menounos 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s more like it.

  41. Julia Louis Dreyfus Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Naturally beautiful woman.

  42. Channing Tatum Jenna Dewan Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Beautiful couple.

  43. Cock Dr

    The first photo has pretty much rendered me blind for the rest of the day.

  44. Kaley Cuoco Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s very satisfied with herself that she beat Jennifer Love Hewitt to the alter.

  45. Kate Mara Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Smapdi
    Commented on this photo:

    Might want to put that hair dryer on ‘low’ next time.

  46. Emma Watson Butt 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a pretty stupid look. Too bad ’cause Emma’s got some awesome legs..

  47. Kaley Cuoco Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    I think I have that same pattern on the mat that goes around my toilet.

  48. Taylor Swift 71st Annual Golden Globes
    freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugly little fake boobs

  49. Kate Mara Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    She looked much better as a redhead.

    • crb

      Agreed. Idk what she’s done, like not eat or something, but this is the worst Kate Mara has ever looked.

      -Ok, except for that one time where she gets with dbag Marky Mark in that movie.

  50. Channing Tatum Jenna Dewan Cleavage 71st Annual Golden Globes
    Commented on this photo:

    Whoa whoa whoa! Why the hell is there a MAN in this picture gallery, Photo Boy?

    • Amnda

      I’d say “This one’s for the ladies” but he’s only hot from the neck down and the tux is ruining it

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