Don’t @ Leighton Meester With Your Steamed Vaginas
First things first, remember those photos of Leighton Meester’s butt in a bikini that we used to try and cram into every post about her? They’re five years old. We are all dying at an accelerated rate. Goddammit.
It must be said: If Meester is nothing like Blair Waldorf, she’s even less like Gwyneth Paltrow. As a part of our game, I ask whether she or Deb would be more likely to get the “vagina facial” Paltrow famously endorsed in 2015. “What?!” Meester responds, slack-jawed. “What is that?”
Uncomfortably, I proceed to describe the controversial treatment, which has you “steam” your nether regions, ostensibly to “balance female hormone levels,” as Paltrow has stated. Meester is genuinely horrified. “I personally don’t feel like you should be adding anything into your vagina — it’s self-cleaning,” she says, deadpan. “We’re fine; I’m going to say neither on the vag steam.”
As our game continues, I learn that the “grapefruit diet” and bee-sting therapy are also off the menu, both for Meester and Deb. “I don’t know what that is either,” she says of Paltrow’s other favorite treatment, which involves the use of bee venom to reduce inflammation and scarring on the face. “That sounds like something from My Strange Addiction. It just doesn’t seem right.”
So what the head above Leighton Meester’s butt is telling me is that women do not like Gwyneth Paltrow’s ridiculous pseudoscience yam lube fuckery? Shit. Okay. If anyone asks, I didn’t use $66 vagina eggs to spell, “Hilary Duff is stupid! Let’s have a baby!” in Brie Larson’s front yard last night. A raccoon did it.