This Is Engaged To Adam Brody

Dear God,

I know we haven’t exactly been on speaking terms, so I’ll make this quick: I’m going to shit on your foot. I’m going to squat down, look you right in the eye, and shit on your foot. There’ll be no words, no polite hello, just me shitting directly on your foot. Although, I guess I should ask if you still wear sandals which probably would’ve been a good idea before taking all these pi- *slumps over*