*yells from the bushes* Don’t worry, Hilary, I got this! I drank some coffee grounds you throw out last night! These people don’t even know! — Good talk!

If someone were to ask me to choose between the alt-right, 4chan, Breitbart swirling turd punch bowl or judgemental parents with way too much time on their hands as the worst part of the internet, I’d probably make the face that hosts from Westworld make when they find out they’re a host. These are just slices of the bread on the same shit sandwich. (I’m the poop in the middle.) Which brings us to Hilary Duff catching shit for kissing her son on the lips at Disneyland because apparently that’s controversial now unless she’s regurgitating food into his face. Just burn everything. Fortunately, she wasn’t having any of this:

A photo posted by Hilary Duff (@hilaryduff) on

So there’s that. And clearly I’ve helped by shaming her detractors and causing them to repent for their ways, so I should be invited into Hilary Duff’s house any second now. I have a good feeling about this.

A photo posted by Hilary Duff (@hilaryduff) on

“Alright, see him over by the trash cans? You want to aim for the Iron Man T-shirt. And try not to wing him, he seems like the crying type.”
“Got it.”

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