The Church of Scientology Thinks Leah Remini Is A Threat To Tom Cruise

July 17th, 2013 // 32 Comments
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In a new interview, Leah Remini‘s sister Nicole reveals that despite the Church of Scientology‘s claims to the contrary, Leah’s entire family has left the church after being forced to choose between her or their faith in a religion made up by a failed science fiction writer who let his wife take the fall for illegally copying hundreds of documents after infiltrating the IRS and Department of Justice. (Thanks to everyone for pointing me at this insane gem.) On top of that, the church is apparently very concerned about what kind of damage Leah could do to their omnipotent flying space prince and men’s volleyball champion for the past 24 billion glaknars. Radar reports:

“You can imagine the circle of friends that my mother has, that my sister has, they (the church) literally have pulled in these people and told them they had to choose between relationships with sister my mother or the church. People chose the church.
“And when you’re preaching morals and integrity and that is like your main teachings are underlying, you are teaching your parishioners about morals and integrity, but then you have the audacity to tell them, you have to betray your own integrity, and you have to go with us, or you’re out, too.”
She said the pressure is so great that Leah was just disinvited from one of her best friend’s wedding, a friend whose furniture the star paid for!
And Nicole added that Leah talked about Katie Holmes but they only “hung out a little bit” and only as couple friends. “It’s not like they ever hung out one on one.”
She said Leah was getting security checked “in regards to Tom.”

As to what secret information Leah might have on Tom Cruise is anyone’s guess, but it’s that he’s gay. And not just regular gay, but a kind of gay where he murders other gays for having gay sex with him because clearly they’re evil agents of Xenu sent to lead him astray from the Holy Black Hole of Knowledge. That sweet, tight black hole. So starred and beautiful in shape, it’s practically everywhere he looks- “Andrew! How’d you get in here? You’re supposed to be cleaning the pool. Oh, no no no, not again…” *pulls out Derringer*

Photo: Getty, Splash News, WENN


  1. Fat girl with the Yankees hat and a tripod head cracks me up.


  2. English Teacher Anni

    Heh heh heh heh heh. Fun one!

  3. Firecrotch McBatshit

    So if Tom Cruise ever left Scientology, how would Scientology react? Or would that be when the space invasion begins?

    • EricLR

      They’ll call him an immoral liar, slander him viciously, release a bunch of evidence that he’s gay…and then quietly drink their kool-aide so they can meet up with L Ron on the spaceship.

    • Winston

      He’ll never leave, they won’t let him.

      A major part of Scientology is going through ‘auidting’ sessions. In these sessions you are supposed to confess all your sins and short-comings. The sessions are supposed to be private with no one other than the interviewer and you. In practace, many of these sessions are secretly recorded. These recordings can then used as black-mail if the person needs to be “kept in-line” or from leaving, and/or spilling embarrassing secrets.

      Also; families are supposed to give a ‘knowledge report’ (snitch) on one another, or other Scientologists, if they express ideas or behavour that are contrary to CoS teachings.
      Much of the structure and behavour of the CoS resemble that of North Korea or Stalinist Russia.

    • lightting_in_a_bottle

      Tom will never leave the Co$. Anyone who’s ever worked with Tom knows he is dyslectic, and can be easily lead if handled in the right way. But to answer your question; they’d treat him like any other person who decides to jump ship. They’d forbid any remaining family or friends still in the church from having anything to do with him, and release a bunch of embarrassing confidential information they have on him to make him look bad.

  4. I have a hard time believing anyone actually believes the Scientology line of crap…it’s just a bit too retarded. The lord of some other place sent his only son to Earth to protect and punish us? Or was that Superman? Or Jesus? It all sounds like a movie Disney would spend $300 million to make and earn back $6 dollars.

    • EricLR

      “it’s just a bit too retarded.”

      Why do you think they target some of the most gullible, narcissistic himbos and bimbos in Hollywood? They are dumb as shit, have lots of money to give, and will happily believe any stupid crap you tell them as long as it ends with “…and *you’re* the chosen one!”

      • cc

        Exactly Eric…it’s broad following among the Hollywood elite is ample proof the industry is rife with very stupid people.

    • Foaming Solvent

      I believe the sci-fi comes in later. What draws them in is they are very insecure people and the church makes them feel secure.

      It’s the classic pimp seduction. “I know you’re scared, baby. I’ll take care of you, baby. I’m the only one who cares about you. Everything will be all right as long as you stay with me. Now go out and have sex with these men and bring the money back to me.”

  5. Kenneth Falk is the new Number Two

  6. JC

    Dear Leah,

    If your “best friend” is so stupid that she chooses a creepy alien cult over you, then she’s too stupid to be your friend.

    People With Working Brains

    p.s. You should totally have sex with that JC guy. He’s dreamy.

  7. The Real Jesus

    Dude, I can make wine shoot out of my Holy Member. Once you go Son of God, you don’t go back.

  8. Frank Burns

    Cruise reportedly bought the movie rights to Beverly Lewis’s 1997 novel “The Shunning,” about family and religious abandonment in an Amish community. Says Cruise, “We’ve replaced the Amish with Thetans, and I’m the town’s height-challenged mayor and Apache helicopter pilot. When someone’s e-meter isn’t quite right, I’m there to regulate. Show me the shunny!!. There’s also a beach scene where I’m massaging baby oil on to muscular guys in banana hammocks”.

  9. Leah Remini Cleavage Sharon Osbourne Kelly Osbourne Kim Kardashian 19th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Academy Awards Viewing Party
    Inquiring minds
    Commented on this photo:

    Who’s attempting to photobomb here?

    Watch this and I cried in laughter and sadness as to why so many celebrities ACTUALLY believe such BULLSHIT! Really WTF?

  11. Leah Remini Cleavage Sharon Osbourne Kelly Osbourne Kim Kardashian 19th Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation Academy Awards Viewing Party
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    First, nice rack, Sharon.

    Second, Anna Nicole looks terrible.

  12. EricLR

    Well, she is a full head taller than him. But then again, so are most of the action figures I used to play with as a kid.

  13. PunkA

    Interesting how a woman can become more attractive again once you wipe the crazy off of her. Just sayin.

  14. richie

    always wondered how she could be down with this cult in the first place since she seems pretty cool and has a good sense of humor

  15. “As to what secret information Leah might have on Tom Cruise is anyone’s guess, but it’s that he’s gay.”

    Commentary like this is why I keep coming back to this site.

    That… and nipples.

  16. Nonnie Moose

    While Scientology is totally fux0red, it’s hardly fair to label H. Ron as a “failed science fiction writer.” While he was never the equal of the greats of the Golden Age, he was a competent pulp writer under Campbell’s wing and some of his stuff like Final Blackout is really pretty good. I even liked Battlefield Earth (the novel, not the movie).

    That isn’t to say that he didn’t have all of the upstanding moral fibre of Kris Jenner. Just that the label “failed science fiction writer” isn’t quite true.

  17. I lied when I said your unfair condemnation of Farrah will forever have me tuning into Perez. I just couldn’t stay away.

    “the Holy Black Hole of Knowledge. That sweet, tight black hole..” BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!
    Love you, Fish!

  18. stuip is as stupid does

    I have no sympathy for any adult who willingly gets involvd with crazies like the co$.

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