Leah Remini’s Scientology Book Has Tom Cruise Stories

“ERMAHGERD THERTERNS!”

Whenever someone escapes Scientology, or any stupid religion (which is all of them), it’s always fascinating to hear about the crazy shit like slave ships and people having the same alien ghosts in them as Hitler. But if we’re being honest with each other, we all just want to hear about Tom Cruise. How high can he levitate? What’s the heaviest thing he can lift with his mind? How mad did he get when his space magic couldn’t make Katie Holmes grow a penis? All scientific shit. Which is why it’s awesome that the publishers of Leah Remini’s new book sat her down and presumably said, “No one’s going to buy this thing unless you talk about the midget.” And talk about the midget she did! So here are some of the best excerpts about Tom Cruise from Leah’s book that are making the Internet rounds:

Katie Holmes Tried To Escape During The Wedding (Is How I Read This)

The book reports that Cruise was left to stand at the altar during his wedding ceremony for 20 minutes as he waited for Holmes to appear. The guests became uncomfortable, with Jennifer Lopez even asking Remini, “Do you think Katie is coming?”

But Her Child Was Being Held Hostage In The Bathroom

The wails of a 7-month-old infant echoed through the celebrity-studded dinner preceding the marriage of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
It was their daughter, Suri — but neither the baby’s mom nor the other guests showed concern. And then, writes actress Leah Remini in her new Scientology tell-all, things turned weird.
Remini, after five long minutes, followed the sound of the crying baby to a bathroom where three women stood staring at the infant left lying on the floor.
The enraptured trio, including Cruise’s sister and his assistant, were gaping at the hungry child as if she was “L. Ron Hubbard incarnate” — Version 2.0 of the late Scientology founder.

Want To Bask In Tom Cruise’s Presence? That’ll Be $1 Million

As previously reported, Remini and her husband, Angelo Pagan, were invited to Cruise and Holmes’ Los Angeles home to teach them salsa lessons. But the actual visit, it turns out, was given as a reward after Remini donated $1 million to the Church of Scientology. Via THR, Remini says she was later reprimanded when she told the lovebirds to “get a freaking room.”

He Loves Playing Hide-And-Seek With Will Smith (Yup)

As the dinners continued and we spent more time with Tom, I came to think of him as a big kid with his loud laugh, high energy, and goofy ideas of fun. Like when he invited some Scientologists and a few other celebrities like Will Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, to his house and announced he wanted to play hide-and-seek. At first I thought he was joking, but no, he literally wanted to play hide-and-seek with a bunch of grown-ups in what was probably close to a 7,000-square-foot house on almost three full acres of secluded land.
“I can’t play — I’m wearing Jimmy Choos,” I said.
“Well, good,” Tom said with his signature grin. “So you’re It, then.” And with that he tagged me and ran to hide.
“Huh?”

There’s probably more that I missed, but maybe you should just buy the book for yourself and skip the parts were Leah Remini talks about the intense, personal toll of leaving Scientology. It’s the polite thing to do.

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