Lars von Trier: ‘Kirsten Dunst Wants to Do Porn.’ Also, Something About Nazis.

May 18th, 2011 // 56 Comments

Holy shit, she can walk in daylight. Get to the church!

Because the Internet loves a good Nazi scandal almost as much as its cat photos and porn (In that order.), director Lars von Trier made a couple of nonsensical remarks about being a Nazi at Cannes today prompting the usual politically correct responses. Color me old-fashioned, but if you live in Europe, you should be allowed to make all the Hitler jokes you want just like if you live in America, you should be allowed to make all the 9/11 jokes you want because, let’s be honest, both are always hilarious. Except in this case, but only because Lars von Trier never makes a lick of sense. The Associated Press reports:

Asked about his German heritage, von Trier launched into a rambling train of thoughts, starting with how he used to think he was a Jew and his disappointment when he learned he was not.
“I really wanted to be a Jew, and then I found out that I was really a Nazi, because, you know, my family was German,” von Trier said. “Which also gave me some pleasure. …
“What can I say? I understand Hitler, but I think he did some wrong things, yes, absolutely. But I can see him sitting in his bunker in the end,” von Trier said. “He’s not what you would call a good guy, but I understand much about him, and I sympathize with him a little bit. But come on, I’m not for the Second World War, and I’m not against Jews. …
“I am very much for Jews. No, not too much, because Israel is a pain in the ass.”
Von Trier then asked, “How can I get out of this sentence?”

What’s really, and perhaps the only thing, interesting is he also said Kirsten Dunst and Charlotte Gainsbourg want to make a hardcore porn together, so way to bury the lede, entire field of journalism:

“Now she wants more. That’s how women are, and Charlotte is behind this. They want a really, really, really hardcore film this time, and I’m doing my best,” von Trier said, as Dunst and Gainsbourg chuckled uncomfortably beside him.

Kirsten would later be quoted as saying, “He likes to run his mouth. I think he dug himself in a deep hole today,” which frankly I’m surprised people were able to translate on account of her thick Nosferatu accent. Maybe it helps if she doesn’t chew on a dead rat when she’s talking. I’m not a linguist.

Photo: Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. neo

    Screw this hag…wheres the story on arnold love child hot piece of ass!

    • The Critical Crassness

      Obviously you haven’t seen the picture of his “outside piece”, if you think Kirsten is a hag and Arnie’s piece is hot!

  2. uncle ruckus

    Antisemitism in Europe?? Get out.

    • M'Balz Es-Hari

      Hellz Yesz! Long live Europe and all you stupid american liberals that romantically fantasize about us. Come here and well show you the correct way to beat a woman…and mentally make her believe it was her fault, because it always is no matter what.

      Just like it says in Sura 4:34 of the Qur’an: “Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. Beat your wife every day, because even if some days you don’t know the reason for it, she does”

      • Stupid American liberal

        First of all, there is absolutely nothing about Europe that I “fantasize” about. Second, this is 2011, scumbag. Women have a place in society. They have brains and are capable of great things. What a disgusting pig of a man you must be. @#&* Europe, and #$&* the Muslim religion.

  3. Rancid

    Hitler wasn’t so bad. He was a great dancer.

  4. OnTheRealThough

    I would only watch Dunst in a porn if I need to not have an erection.

  5. Deacon Jones

    Sounds like SOMEBODY has a cocaine problem, perhaps.

  6. Mike

    Hell, I’m a Jew and I understand Hitler completely, more so with every family function I attend.

  7. Dita looks shitty blonde.

  8. Bucky Barnes

    Kirsten wants to do porn? Oooo, my spidey sense is tingling. No wait, that’s just my phone on vibrate. Never mind.

  9. ranier wolfgang

    My beautiful Teutonic Princess !

  10. ranier wolfgang

    Ya , and Hitler was the first Rock Star – Ask David Bowie !

  11. id be more insulted if i were german than if i were jewish. and hitler was austrian.

  12. When is the last time anyone other than an erudite Modern Lit professor saw a Lars von Trier movie?

  13. Freaky

    Poor Kristen. Her most notable role was playing the third wheel to the homo-erotic undead love story that was Interview With A Vampire. Poor Tom, too — his masculinity would never recover.

  14. It had to be said

    So, let me get this straight. The Boy from Brazil is so warped that he wants Kiki to do hardcore with a hairy French broad? Wow. I told you we should have used Fat Boy on the Germans.

  15. The Critical Crassness

    I think Lars just wants to emulate the fellatio scene in “Brown Bunny”. Actually, that might not be a bad idea, perhaps we could understand KiKi better with a big dick in her mouth.

  16. Ranier Wolfcastle

    Ya , I can’t believe I rubbed one out in Spiderman 1 to her in the rain

  17. Ed

    Jeez Lars, if you want to made hardcore porn with big name celebrities you have to at least pretend you’re not gonna run out and show it to the world.

  18. Kirsten Dunst Melancholia
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Kathleen Turner’s ever so slightly younger sister.

  19. Kirsten Dunst Melancholia
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    For an actress she has a surprisingly limited number of “good angles”.
    This is not one of them.

  20. Kirsten Dunst Melancholia
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The fact that none of the site’s poon hounds have commented on this nipple is a sad clue of just how indifferent the public is to Ms Dunst.
    Also, it’s called antiperspirant. It’s very very useful for hot days when you must be photographed in fancy dress under harsh sunshine?

  21. mel

    i don’t get why some dudes don’t find this girl completely hot. her teeth may be a bit off, but aside from them, i’d slam her shit sleeve with such erotic exuberance, my cock would stink for weeks afterwards!

    • Artofwar

      Agreed…There is something so hideously sexy about Kirsten Dunst — makes me want to grudge f#ck her half to death, then throw her off a 42 story balcony and let the cement kill the other half…

      Um-mm, sorry, maybe my definition of a romantic evening may be just a bit more intense than the next guy– my bad…..Artofwar

      • mel

        and you know what? tila tequila is another one. i can understand the hate that she generates but like it or not, she’s fucking smoking hot! i’d pound her crap turbine so furiously, poop would start spraying out of her nipples!

  22. DrunkRussian

    Say what you will about Nazis, but the S.S. officers uniform was the best looking uniform outside a U.S. Marine dress uniform of today. Just bad ass.

  23. Eddy

    …so is she doing porn or not? and when?

  24. I can’t imagine any working professional that would willingly allow that snaggle-maw near their genitals.

  25. Kirsten Dunst Melancholia
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe Alice never actually met a cheshire cat in wonderland…

  26. Bob

    “How can I get out of this sentence?”
    Great line, lol!

  27. I’d watch that porno…

  28. dotmatrix

    She really should go into porn — it’s a good match for her acting skills.

  29. Arzach

    I’m in for blond stupid girls with stupid big boobs

  30. tlmck

    The porn thing is a decent idea. Charlotte looks like her mother, but Kirsten is nowhere near Brigitte Bardot territory. And, her mom’s thing with Bardot was really more R rated than porn.

  31. the captain

    this is her way to cause a stir because she desperately needs attention.

  32. Jovy

    I used to think she was pretty, wtf is going on with her face?

  33. Venom

    She is hot.
    Only a gay dude would not think she is.

  34. Kirsten Dunst Melancholia
    Commented on this photo:

    Love the sweaty underarms! wish i could take a whiff and touch the wetness.

  35. Kirsten Dunst Melancholia
    Commented on this photo:

    Love the sweaty underarms! wish I could take a whiff and touch the dampness

  36. kiki

    Hopefully this won’t affect the chances of Melancholia winning the “Palme d’Or” or of Kirsten winning the “Prix d’interprétation féminine” (best actress award) :((

  37. Kirsten Dunst Melancholia
    Grand Poobah
    Commented on this photo:

    she has got quite the sperm shine going in these pictures

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