Ok, now before you read this story you should probably just relax. Take a few deep breaths. Go to your happy place, a place where all is good, a place where nothing can – LARRY KING NAKED!!! Sorry about that, but this story is like a cold swimming pool – you gotta jump right in or it’ll only hurt worse. In an unsettling interview with Howard Stern, Larry King’s much younger wife Shawn Southwick claims, “Larry has this Indian costume that just drives me wild . . . I wear chaps!” She adds that 72-year-old King’s bedroom battle cries didn’t ring out until after they were married in 1997. Southwick, a devout Mormon, made King wait until their wedding night to have sex – and only after a doctor signed off on it because of King’s heart problems.
The only explanation I have for posting this story is that I secretly hate you all and want you to suffer. Larry King, Indian costumes and sex – add a spandex-clad Dan Rather and some titty-twisters and you’ve got yourself the seventh ring of hell. Unless the ladies here find Larry King sexy; the gravelly voice, the wrinkles, the mushroom-shaped head, the scent of old cauliflower. He’s been married like twenty-six times, so some people must. These people must be destroyed.