Ok, now before you read this story you should probably just relax. Take a few deep breaths. Go to your happy place, a place where all is good, a place where nothing can – LARRY KING NAKED!!! Sorry about that, but this story is like a cold swimming pool – you gotta jump right in or it’ll only hurt worse. In an unsettling interview with Howard Stern, Larry King’s much younger wife Shawn Southwick claims, “Larry has this Indian costume that just drives me wild . . . I wear chaps!” She adds that 72-year-old King’s bedroom battle cries didn’t ring out until after they were married in 1997. Southwick, a devout Mormon, made King wait until their wedding night to have sex – and only after a doctor signed off on it because of King’s heart problems.
The only explanation I have for posting this story is that I secretly hate you all and want you to suffer. Larry King, Indian costumes and sex – add a spandex-clad Dan Rather and some titty-twisters and you’ve got yourself the seventh ring of hell. Unless the ladies here find Larry King sexy; the gravelly voice, the wrinkles, the mushroom-shaped head, the scent of old cauliflower. He’s been married like twenty-six times, so some people must. These people must be destroyed.
Sheva | January 27, 2006 at 10:02 am
I met a former producer of his about 10 years ago. Her best comment about him overall, “It’s not a pretty sight.”
It wasn’t a reference to anything with his appearance.
Shaun | January 27, 2006 at 10:20 am
He looks like a dirty old man in that picture. To all you ladies, imagine that face between your legs? Hahahahahaha.
Realistic | January 27, 2006 at 10:27 am
I have a feeling that it wasn’t just her Mormon views and having a doctor’s approval that made her wait to have sex with him.
CheekyChops | January 27, 2006 at 10:28 am
His wife is obviously blind or was hoping that if she made him wait till their wedding night to get a shag, he’d keel over and die.
christina_the_wench | January 27, 2006 at 10:42 am
Shaun, that was SO not called for on a Friday. I hope my stomach settles down and this shade of green goes away.
Spindoc | January 27, 2006 at 10:51 am
I wonder what it is like to realize that your wife has absolutly no interest in you other than the fact that you are rich. I mean come on, look at the guy. The one I really feel sorry for is that woman who married Don Imus, he’s the millionaire radio host that looks like his face got held up close to an oven and started to melt. All I can say ladies is enjoy those fur coats, god knows you earned em.
GirlyGirl | January 27, 2006 at 11:08 am
OMG. I never thought I would have such a scary visual in my life. I am petrified! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Ben_Danglin | January 27, 2006 at 11:25 am
Spandex clad Dan Rather…. Anyone know a good psychiatrist?
Tracy | January 27, 2006 at 11:37 am
Have you ever smelled old man breath? That moldy concoction of peppermint, tobacco and cheese that makes you not want to kiss grandpa? Now imagine his tongue in your mouth, all the while wriggling on top of you in nothing but feathers, a little grease paint, and a splash of Aqua Velva. There’s not enough money in the world to make that worth it.
Wild Rose | January 27, 2006 at 11:38 am
Shaun, I was thinkin’ the same thing…EUWWWWWWWWWW!
HollyJ | January 27, 2006 at 11:46 am
I’ll never be able to eat cauliflower again, damn you!
faghag | January 27, 2006 at 12:01 pm
Jesus Christ, I was eating my damned lunch (Kashi cereal) while reading this, and now not only will I not be able to finish it, I will never be able to eat cereal of any description again. In fact, I don’t think I will ever be able to eat again. Anything. So I will starve to death because of you. Thanks a million, a**hole.
hafaball | January 27, 2006 at 12:04 pm
I’m not offended by this at all, some of us have to sleep with old people for a living you know… :/ but any pic of Britney Spears or Micheal Jackson? now that’s horrifying…
libratem | January 27, 2006 at 12:24 pm
Any new Larry news (check out Harry Shearer’s periodic Le Show lampoons of King’s show) always reminds me of this: put a www. in front of it:
theonion.com/content/node/33734
mrs.t | January 27, 2006 at 1:12 pm
He needed a doctor to sign off due his heart condition? No one ‘signed off’ with MY doctor before printing this information. Who’s going to pay for my next five years of psychtherapy?
mrs.t | January 27, 2006 at 1:16 pm
He needed a doctor to sign off due his heart condition? No one ‘signed off’ with MY doctor before printing this information. Who’s going to pay for my next five years of psychotherapy?
spamnews | January 27, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Thanks for the post. By the way does anyone have a good way to get PROJECTILE VOMIT off’ve a computer screen, keyboard, mouse, and my pants? You’d be doing me a solid if you can … hu! huh! hu! blorrrarrrrgh! Oh damn. There i go again.
MystressJade | January 27, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Thanks Shaun!!! Instead of fantasizing about Angelina going down on me, now it’s Larry King…
Kill me..
Populist | January 27, 2006 at 2:29 pm
Oi! What a cruel, cruel, post. It’s been said before and I’ll say it again–Viagra is the bane of trophy wives everywhere. I don’t believe his wife’s story for one minute. She’s being a brave little soldier and waiting for the invevitable, final heart attack.
amma | January 27, 2006 at 3:24 pm
…I love the comment re Viagra…think of all these poor wives who now actually have to sleep with their energentic husbands…
He is atrocious. It would be one thing if he just was some wonderful, funny, talented humanitarian…at least then we might think he was loved for his character…
Ewwwwww!
Precisely | January 27, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Comment #9: So funny, and gross. I love the “splash of Aqua Velva”
Thinking of 72 yr old “proving our love” is sick.
Fjacky66 | January 27, 2006 at 4:19 pm
ALLRIGHT NOW IM PISSED Iv been coming to this site for over a year now and iv been entertained,shocked,and disgusted,but this is going to FAR!!!The next time you post a Larry King Nude story put “STONER WARNING” in the headline or some dam thing JESUS H CHRIST…
mags | January 27, 2006 at 4:53 pm
Am I the only person focused on the Indian/chaps bit? Doesn’t that seem backwards?
I won’t upset you guys further by giving you the image of King in a Pocahontas outfit.
Hara | January 27, 2006 at 5:35 pm
um.. dang. “Disturbing” is legally an understatement at this point. Btw, thanks so much Tracy. I, too was eating lunch, and jokes aside, after reading a couple of comments (cough, projectile vomit, cough) feel actually literally ill. Jokes aside, I hate you all.
SpiderMomma | January 27, 2006 at 10:10 pm
Why God?! Why?!!!!!!! *sob*
WaitWhat? | January 28, 2006 at 2:26 am
DAMN YOU, Superficial, damn you.
ESQ | January 28, 2006 at 12:09 pm
I heard that interview with Howard the other morning. She is so hot, what the hell is she doing with him?
ESQ | January 28, 2006 at 12:11 pm
BTW Superficial I LOVED your comment, “Larry King, Indian costumes and sex – add a spandex-clad Dan Rather and some titty-twisters and you’ve got yourself the seventh ring of hell. Unless the ladies here find Larry King sexy; the gravelly voice, the wrinkles, the mushroom-shaped head, the scent of old cauliflower.”
LadyAmbar | January 30, 2006 at 12:23 am
OMG, I’m still shuddering. I’m scarred for life.
I’m gonna self flogger as a penitance. Shame on you!
LadyAmbar | January 30, 2006 at 12:23 am
OMG, I’m still shuddering. I’m scarred for life.
I’m gonna self flogger as a penitance. Shame on you!
AmberDextrose | January 30, 2006 at 6:19 am
I wonder if he leaves his glasses on?
I can do that. See I’m in Britain so I am saved the hideous imagery that you overexposed chaps are suffering.
A bit like doing it with a gimp suit on (fully zipped up). With thick mittens. I know it’s out there but I’m safe, ha ha ha!
HollywoodSnark | December 13, 2006 at 11:58 am
no, no, no…the horror, the horror – http://hollywoodsnark.com
juego de casino | June 28, 2007 at 12:08 pm
omg