Lance Armstrong’s remaining testicle works
Like any rational man if placed in the same predicament, Lance Armstrong figured “Hey, one nut, no condom.” I don’t even know where to start with how much sense that makes. Except it turns out God hates Lance Armstrong because he was left with the virile one causing him to knock up girlfriend Anna Hansen. Whoops. People reports:
“Anna and I are thrilled to confirm that we are expecting in June and our families are ecstatic and grateful,” he says in a statement. “We are very much looking forward to what 2009 brings on many fronts.”
He adds: “We appreciate respecting our privacy, as we are both eager to celebrate the holidays as a family.”
Fortunatetely for Lance, “My girlfriend fell down the stairs while riding a bike” is probably the most believable scenario anyone can tell the cops. In fact, I’m sitting here right now thinking, “Damn, shoulda wore a helmet” and also “I wonder if my parents still have my BMX – and stairs.” Food for thought.
EDIT: Wow, you must think I’m a dick. Totally forgot to say “Congratulations!”