Those attending the wedding of Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow may now return the tandem bike you bought them. The couple have released a statement that they are breaking-up after two years of dating and a four month engagement.
“After much thought and consideration we have made a very tough decision to split up. We both have a deep love and respect for each other and we ask that everyone respect our privacy during this very difficult time,” the statement said.
Though the two make it sound like it was a joint decision, I imagine it had something to do with her engagement ring being a yellow strip of rubber.
celeb_hater | February 3, 2006 at 9:11 pm
I guess he didn’t have the “balls” to go through with it.
nikki | February 3, 2006 at 9:25 pm
i never thought he would go through with it. dating her was just a publicity stunt for him. i remember Robin Williams saying that he was shocked when they linked up after he introduced them. i guess Robin wasn’t feeling the love. neither is Lance apparently. poor old Sheryl. you know she gave this her all.
xavierout | February 3, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Yeah, the thing is, I idolize Lance Armstrong cuz he’s monkey-strong on the bike, etc. But when you read his first book he makes it sound like he and his first wife, Kristen, have the Love Story of the Century. And then they’re divorced within five years; when his twins are still damp with afterbirth. And recently it’s about how Sheryl will do anything to be near him and he’s gaga for her. And they can’t even make it to the wedding. Which should teach us that celebrity affairs are probably even more shallow than non-celebrity affairs, despite the breathless gloss from the press which imlpies that stars love each other in a way us plebes can’t understand. My parents have been married for 48 years, ain’t no one writin’ stories ’bout them.
Koggi | February 3, 2006 at 9:38 pm
I’ve done spots on Lance which means I’ve watched a whole lot of his interview footage…all I can say is, between takes, his true colors come right through. She’s much better off.
ESQ | February 3, 2006 at 9:42 pm
How…disappointing….NEXT!
naeco | February 3, 2006 at 9:42 pm
cooliosis, nobody cares.
susie-q | February 3, 2006 at 9:57 pm
To celeb_hater – comment #1
hahahaha hahaha ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
effing hilarious
WHO FREAKING CARESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!!!1
HollyJ | February 3, 2006 at 10:03 pm
POOR UNI-NUT! =(
Kelly | February 3, 2006 at 10:25 pm
Sheryl Crow sucks. Her songs are as intelligent as Lenny Kravits. Both went to the Dr. Seuss writing lirycks for lazy untallented asses. I remember when she got on Alannis for writing a song about oral sex. She’s like I don’t have to be sexual to be good. Then years later she bares middrift to be sexy. Hate her untallented, been dumped ass.
tori | February 3, 2006 at 10:39 pm
i’m from austin (where lance is from) and i know several people that have said he’s a fucking asshole. then again, i hate sheryl crow, so i’m sad they broke up. they both suck and should be together. oh well. the only thing better than them being miserable together is them being miserable and alone mwahahha
Rocknrope | February 3, 2006 at 11:01 pm
Like others said, phenomenal cyclist, even more phenomenal asshole.
eden | February 3, 2006 at 11:05 pm
He’s going after Heather Locklear. It’s so obvious ;)
nikki | February 3, 2006 at 11:22 pm
let’s predict who Lance will whore himself out to next for the publicity. here’s my list of his next poassible girlfriends/ego victims:
1. Jennifer Maniston — he will get off on being hounded by the paparazzi.
2. Renee Zellwigger — she is skinny and fit enuf; besides he likes them slightly aged.
3. Heather Locklear — she needs the comforting. Plus he gets noticed.
4. Nicole Kidman — if the rumors of a break-up with Urban are true.
5. Sharon Stone — he likes attention-seeking older women.
who are your picks? :p
TG | February 3, 2006 at 11:33 pm
this is so great – i had no idea how common knowledge it was that these two are so frigging dreadful. he’s an a-hole and she’s a hack. (and why doesn’t anyone ever mention her facelift, which she had done in conjunction with her ’02 CD?) it’s sad they broke up … they made such a perfect pair
BadGoat | February 3, 2006 at 11:42 pm
Mr. Superficial, you are evil! I love it. Is he an a-hole? I don’t know, okay, I’ll believe you. Does being up front, demanding, and knowing what you want make one an a-hole? If so than I strive to be an a-hole. Long live a-holes!
Isn’t that the same statement that Nick and Jessica released to announce their divorce?
Tania | February 3, 2006 at 11:42 pm
I guess he just wasn’t Strong Enough to be her man.
Dee | February 3, 2006 at 11:46 pm
He’ll be onto the the next one in days. All these celebrity relationships are for publicity.
nikki | February 3, 2006 at 11:48 pm
to #17: i agree. you know he’s already lined up the replacement. it’s just a matter of days til he announces it. ha ha.
Shaun | February 3, 2006 at 11:58 pm
Hahahahah Friday Night, Saturday Morning in some places and almost everyone has said “hahaha who f*cking cares, NEXT . .” hahahahahahaha.
I am drinking grapefruit juice and water and almost spit it at the screen. Sheryl kind of looks like Reese Witherspoon in that picture. Lance looks like he was hittin’ the rails before that photo was taken.
Binky | February 4, 2006 at 12:28 am
Probably just ‘Roid rage. The ‘ANGER’ might not last long – now that he’s cut back a bit, and back in the cycle courier biz.
But if his next ‘door-stopper’ is called “It’s Not About the Dyke” – I doubt they’ll be back together.
ProbablyTooOld | February 4, 2006 at 12:47 am
Sheryl Crow is possibly the worst singer and songwriter working today. How she became such a success can only involve sucking a very evil cock back in the day–like Satan or Tommy Mattolla or similar. When she first broke out in the 90s, I could sort of see how she was cute, but now she’s so emaciated and stretched thin I feel like I’m starving to death every time I look at her.
She is also a head case of magnificent magnitude. She runs off suitors like nobody’s business (Kid Rock, Eric Clapton, Owen Wilson and–since I believe the rumors were true–Michael Jackson have all four been down a very psychodramatic road with her) and then writes such creepy songs about the experiences that I cannot imagine why any famous man without an active heroin addiction would even dare take the risk of speaking her name. Lance was probably in the French Alps when he first met her. Oxygen deprivation–it’s the only explanation!
Seriously… What mentally sound man would date a woman who wrote “Strong Enough to Be My Man” or “Difficult Kind”? As if her dreadful Cat Stevens cover didn’t nearly make all men turn gay anyway… So I tend to think the breakup, providing this was a real relationship, was all her fault. I get the feeling the whole, “I wanna have his kids and now” scared the hell out of Lance. Hint to Sheryl: Next time, if you want kids so bad hook up with a guy with an extant sperm count and eat a damn meal to get your estrogen working again.
I’m from Austin and I’ve heard the Lance-asshole rumors but since he is actually someone who succeeded on his own merit and against odds greater than just being butt ugly and unable to carry a tune, I tend to cut him some slack. A friend of a friend told me that his breakup with Kristen Armstrong was due to religious issues–she is a devout Catholic and he lost faith during his bouts with cancer. As he said, if there was a G-d he’d still have his balls, and who the hell am I to disagree? Evidently his wife did and it was the end for them. Sort of a cruddy reason to divorce, but a better story than just being so insane that not even Owen “Buttlicker” Wilson can stand you for long.
Yet it’s her I feel sorry for. Now there’s another emaciated, nipped and tucked, talentless basket case on an overcrowded market. Poor Sheryl.
ProbablyTooOld | February 4, 2006 at 1:05 am
Wow… That was a very long post. I had no idea how deep is my loathing for Sheryl Crow. Sorry about that.
Moksha | February 4, 2006 at 2:08 am
la la, don’t care.
areuserious? | February 4, 2006 at 3:30 am
I read his book he is so high and mighty….
hey guess what Lance?? you’re not the first person to beat cancer, get over yourself…
move on sheryl, the only time you ever release a good cd is after a break up!
Captain Awesome | February 4, 2006 at 4:03 am
I dont know why people have to go and ruin things and “get” married.
Marriage ruins things, like kids. Don’t have kids, im sick of slapping them around in public areas or kidnapping them.
It gets expensive, rat poison doesn’t pay for itself.
aimeethepoet | February 4, 2006 at 8:19 am
Poster 3 has a point: Hollywood relationships can be more act than substance. But then again, maybe their lives are like that… they are on perma-impress mode so of course their relationships are chosen based on dramatic and “superficial” qualities, then suffer the strain.
I don’t “hate” either one of them, but I can imagine Lance being a self-involved aggressive jerk (you have to be to be a high-level athlete trying to maintain world record-breaking domination for whatever crazy STRONG reason), and Cheryl being a tad overemotional, melodramatic, indecisive, fickle and change-crazy (she’s had many a boyfriend, I suspect). Actually, in writing that, I see why they broke up. Chemistry and intensity, yes, the calm and clarity needed for staying power, hell no.
aimeethepoet | February 4, 2006 at 8:19 am
Poster 3 has a point: Hollywood relationships can be more act than substance. But then again, maybe their lives are like that… they are on perma-impress mode so of course their relationships are chosen based on dramatic and “superficial” qualities, then suffer the strain.
I don’t “hate” either one of them, but I can imagine Lance being a self-involved aggressive jerk (you have to be to be a high-level athlete trying to maintain world record-breaking domination for whatever crazy STRONG reason), and Cheryl being a tad overemotional, melodramatic, indecisive, fickle and change-crazy (she’s had many a boyfriend, I suspect). Actually, in writing that, I see why they broke up. Chemistry and intensity, yes, the calm and clarity needed for staying power, hell no.
aimeethepoet | February 4, 2006 at 8:20 am
Poster 3 has a point: Hollywood relationships can be more act than substance. But then again, maybe their lives are like that… they are on perma-impress mode so of course their relationships are chosen based on dramatic and “superficial” qualities, then suffer the strain.
I don’t “hate” either one of them, but I can imagine Lance being a self-involved aggressive jerk (you have to be to be a high-level athlete trying to maintain world record-breaking domination for whatever crazy STRONG reason), and Cheryl being a tad overemotional, melodramatic, indecisive, fickle and change-crazy (she’s had many a boyfriend, I suspect). Actually, in writing that, I see why they broke up. Chemistry and intensity, yes, the calm and clarity needed for staying power, hell no.
aimeethepoet | February 4, 2006 at 8:20 am
Poster 3 has a point: Hollywood relationships can be more act than substance. But then again, maybe their lives are like that… they are on perma-impress mode so of course their relationships are chosen based on dramatic and “superficial” qualities, then suffer the strain.
I don’t “hate” either one of them, but I can imagine Lance being a self-involved aggressive jerk (you have to be to be a high-level athlete trying to maintain world record-breaking domination for whatever crazy STRONG reason), and Cheryl being a tad overemotional, melodramatic, indecisive, fickle and change-crazy (she’s had many a boyfriend, I suspect). Actually, in writing that, I see why they broke up. Chemistry and intensity, yes, the calm and clarity needed for staying power, hell no.
aimeethepoet | February 4, 2006 at 8:22 am
Poster 3 has a point: Hollywood relationships can be more act than substance. But then again, maybe their lives are like that… they are on perma-impress mode so of course their relationships are chosen based on dramatic and “superficial” qualities, then suffer the strain.
I don’t “hate” either one of them, but I can imagine Lance being a self-involved aggressive jerk (you have to be to be a high-level athlete trying to maintain world record-breaking domination for whatever crazy STRONG reason), and Cheryl being a tad overemotional, melodramatic, indecisive, fickle and change-crazy (she’s had many a boyfriend, I suspect). Actually, in writing that, I see why they broke up. Chemistry and intensity, yes, the calm and clarity needed for staying power, hell no.
aimeethepoet | February 4, 2006 at 8:24 am
I’m sorry for the reposts… my posts were not displaying! Sorry guys!
Anyhow, see above,
A.
MystressJade | February 4, 2006 at 11:05 am
Is it just me, or does that pic of Lance make him look like a vampire? Or is that some skank rash he got around his mouth going down on Sheryl?
Sheva | February 4, 2006 at 11:10 am
Yes, see above because we haven’t seen it enough like so many guys who seen enough of Sheryl.
Thought she had a couple of interesting albums one or so ago but she is just a hippie retread chick and the retread thing gets tired, high mileage as I heard someone once say about her.
Don’t have the links to Lance but no doubt with a sport as individualistic as cycling you have to be very aggressive and single minded to get and stay on top. Not excusing the bad temperment that comes with it but there is no excuse what Greg Lemond said in how Armstrong challenged him to be quiet about drug use or he would destroy his bike business.
So if that’s the case, please the two of you please get back together. Do it for the assholes.
HelpingOutTheMorons | February 4, 2006 at 11:43 am
I think she has serious food issues. There’s an article with her in the latest issue of Allure magazine where she mentions her weight several times (without the interviewer even asking her about it). Very weird.
Binky | February 4, 2006 at 12:05 pm
I’ve also heard it wasn’t a joint decision. She faxed him :
“The sun came up over the Santa Monica Boulevard Helmethair. See ya”
I think this was being a bit harsh.
hafaball | February 4, 2006 at 12:11 pm
I guess he told her he was serious about not bike riding again. She must of gotten pissed, cause the only time she ever was on TV was during the stupid Tour de France.
Bedubya | February 4, 2006 at 12:20 pm
Oh, we’d rather watch the Triplets of Belville. Much more entertaining. Sheryl is too old for Lance anyway. Yawn. We heard that Kristen and Lance broke up because while the cat was away, the mouse started playing with the RunTex guy in Austin. Who could blame her? I mean, all the little children and no hubby around – - him getting all the fame and attention. Maybe she needed a little, you know, pick me upper. Sheryl is going to vanish into menopausal disgrace soon anyway. As the World Turns.
RedHeadGirl | February 4, 2006 at 12:21 pm
I can’t stand Sheryl Crow! For those of you who think her album with Leaving Las Vegas wasn’t bad, well that’s because her ex-boyfriend wrote it. I can’t remember his name but he later hung himself, they think it was that whole sex affixation thing. But, anyway she took all the credit in interviews because she’s a bitch!!!
Equalparts | February 4, 2006 at 12:42 pm
This couple had no chemistry and zero interesting qualities. Sheryl should get back to her original hair color, gain 10 lbs of soft womanly curves, and remember she’s a MUSICIAN, not and ATHLETE. Lance should just jack off into the mirror, use his yellow rubber bracelet as a penis ring, smear his spooge all himslef and fall asleep sucking his thumb with visions of stupid bike races in his head. Self-absorbed competetive athleticism meeting creative musical talent was bound for failure from the get-go. Sheryl Crow if far from a musical favorite of mine. But you people who claim that she’s a no-talent hack need to get bent. Her radio songs suck, but the woman has an impressive body of work and who cares if she blew anyone to get herself there. I once blew a music venue owner and got myself a gig in his venue. Guess what? He was an okay guy, I blew him because I wanted to, not because I wanted something out of it. Bonus if I did. Bonus to Shreryl for rising above the depths of school-teacher middle class hell in BFE to make something of herself. But GD, I cannot stand that Lance Armstrong. What a douche.
musings | February 4, 2006 at 1:13 pm
To all the people saying Lance in real life is really an ass. Please provide some real examples. I don’t care either way, but O wpuld like some facts to back up the allegations.
hafaball | February 4, 2006 at 1:43 pm
I don;t even call this guy an athlete! Okay, recovering from the prostate, brain and lung cancer was pretty amazing, but the Tour de France is the biggest crock of shit out of any sporting event! Somehow this guy can be in 28th place and SOMEHOW GAIN TIME on his lead. Last time I checked, when your in 28th place, that means YOU’RE IN 28TH PLACE…Bob Costas said the same thing, so all you people that like this thing…go watch so god damn base ball.
mrsthayer | February 4, 2006 at 2:12 pm
That’s a real bummer – but I’ll be she’s glad she no longer has to be seen with a yellow rubber bracelet on.
mrsthayer | February 4, 2006 at 2:12 pm
That’s really sad – but I’ll bet she’s glad she no longer has to be seen with that yellow rubber bracelet on.
Seamus Begonia Smell | February 4, 2006 at 3:01 pm
lol! “engagement ring being a yellow strip of rubber”
of course it couldn’t last. he cheated on his ex-wife. you know, the one that stayed with him in spite of his long hours away from his family with young children, and stood by him during his battle with cancer?
how can anyone ever get in serious relationship with a KNOWN cheater?
sara1beth2 | February 4, 2006 at 4:18 pm
#44, I am in NO way standing up for either of them, but I think he was already past the cancer when he married the now ex-wife. I seem to remember him saying that to set the record straight in some interview.
mangos | February 4, 2006 at 6:04 pm
#44, Lance didnt even meet his ex until he had recovered from cancer.
And 41, in the Tour, its based on your time in each stage. If you come in first place 10 times in a row, and 28th in one stage, you’ll still be in 1st because you have so much time on other people.
L.ronhubbard | February 4, 2006 at 6:21 pm
I’m relieved. He’s a national hero and her music is truly hideous. He can do much better.
Sheva | February 4, 2006 at 7:17 pm
This thread has some very interesting comments. Notwithstanding the idiot who doesn’t understand basic arithmetic when it comes to a race based on TIME.
Well let’s give the 100 yard dash to the guy with the slower time then.
Duh.
asenath7766 | February 4, 2006 at 8:37 pm
I’m sick of those stupid yellow wristbands that suburbia made popular (as if all these people actually donated money to “show their support for cancer survivors” and not for trendy reasons) and Sheryl Crow’s “music” is one of the most vanilla, formulaic, bland ca-ca ever played on radio.
DURound | February 4, 2006 at 11:33 pm
I saw Sheryl Crow in concert once. Never a fan of her music, I came away with a more dismal impression of her personality. I don’t think that she would actually fog a mirror and you have to wonder how she sings.
When I found out that he left his wife and kids to be with her, I was glad for both of them, knowing that they deserved each other. Unfortunately now they will both be out and about messing with other peoples lives.