‘Hi, I’m Lance Armstrong. Lick My Butthole?’

May 22nd, 2013 // 33 Comments

Comedian April Macie stopped by Howard Stern on Monday where she recounted a tale about the time she went to a hotel party “five or six years ago” with Lance Armstrong who apparently is very open about asking women he just met to eat his anus. So right about now is where you want to start wondering if it was fair to tear him down because of all that doping for surely this man is our greatest athlete. Via Examiner.com:

“I went to use the bathroom, and I went in and Lance was bent over a bathtub and she was just face deep in his asshole… I was terrified. And then he came out and said: ‘Does your friend want in on a round too?’ and I was like: ‘Of taint tickling? I’m gonna take a pass’… I think it’s hilarious that he would ask without even knowing my first name – to eat his asshole. Like: ‘Do you want in on a round too? Of asshole eating?… I got pretty for the evening. I didn’t know he was going to ask me to eat his asshole later on.”

You’re probably noticing there are pics below of Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong from when they used to date back in 2008. That’s so the next time you watch one of her movies you can think to yourself, “Hey, I bet she ate Lance Armstrong’s butthole.” I’m an enhancer of entertainment experiences. It’s my hobby.

Photos: Getty / Flynet, Splash News


  1. That opening line probably worked a lot better for him than it ever did for me.

  2. Against medical advice.

    ya know there’s shit in there right?

  3. I think Oprah licked his asshole to get that interview.

  4. Don’t all competitive bicyclists keep their rims well-tended?

  5. I don’t buy it. Not that Armstrong wouldn’t ask a random stranger to eat his ass, I could see that, but it smacks to me of her telling a story rather than recounting actual events. Plus I don’t trust comedians…just a standard I live by.

  6. The “LICKSBUNG” wristbands aren’t moving as well as the others did.

  7. odd timing considering lance armstrongs new endorsement deal with brain bleach.

  8. So wait a minute. A world class athlete offers you the chance to lick his asshole and she refused? The unmitigated gall of this woman. I guess that’s how she was raised.

    A real lady would relish the opportunity to have her tongue used as toilet paper for celebrity. What the fuck is the world coming to?

  9. whatthe

    I don’t care how much I dig a guy, I’ll never toss his salad.

  10. cc

    Thanks for ruining my day with this, Superficial.

  11. Now I understand why Sheryl Crow thought we should only use one square of toilet paper when wiping our ass. She got the rest with her tongue.

  12. DeucePickle

    Somewhere, Joe Simpson is blowing his load from hearing about this

  13. I don’t believe I’ll be looking at Kate Hudson in the same manner anymore…

    On the other hand, all a woman would have to do is touch her tongue to his forehead, because Lance Armstrong is an asshole all the way from head to toe.

  14. Kate Hudson Lance Armstrong
    Commented on this photo:

    Yikes! Pre-implants Kate Hudson has the most 12 year old boyish chest ever.

    • noooo

      Aww. Flat chests are cute. I like how her ears stick out too, it’s cute. Big boobs age badly and can make you look fat and sloppy. With a flat chest you can get away with wearing less like the dress she has on. …I bet she is a freak though. Her exes include but are not limited to a rock star, a baseball womanizer and lance.

  15. Lance’s Tour de France jersey wasn’t colored yellow, it was butterscotch.

  16. Ragu

    Ummm, I seriously can’t believe you didn’t include a link to pics of April Macie.

    I had to Google her myself, and let me tell ya: Redhead? Check. Tits? Check.

    I’d *totally* ask her to lick my asshole.

  17. I only wish I had read this on ESPN first.

  18. Vladimir

    So that’s what they mean when they say, “Lance Armstrong, what an asshole…”. I’ve just been reading it wrong all these years.

  19. sexy lady

    I will lick your but whole i will also lick your body

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