Lana Del Rey Is Probably Banging G-Eazy

If you’re unfamiliar with G-Eazy, he’s basically the Lana Del Rey of hip hop. He’s got the pretty-boy look, a hungry angst, and has sex with tons of people “just cause”. Lana, on the other hand, has a long history of putting gross stuff inside her (Marilyn Manson, Axel Rose, and Lindsey Lohan and Lady Gaga at the same time), so maybe G-Eazy is a slight upgrade for her. They were also spotted together at Coachella so this has been going on just long enough for someone to step up and hack her phone and leak some dick pics of the only rapper in the game who could be an extra in the movie “Crybaby”.

Because we’re assholes who meddle in other people’s business and make assumptions off of pappy hearsay™, they have banged approximately twelve times this week… and it’s only Wednesday morning. My forecast calls for a dick-spike around Friday afternoon and we’ll round out the week clocking about 28-31 trips to the bone-zone by Sunday morning.