Lamar Odom Just Quit The Dallas Mavericks

Back in December, Lamar Odom was unceremoniously traded to the Dallas Mavericks by the Lakers and somehow talked Khloe Kardashian into moving with him despite her family’s track record of never leaving LA because it’s rich in whore-ranium. At the time, Khloe called it “God’s plan” for them, so of course only four months later, they basically just said “Eh, fuck that guy” because Lamar just quit the team. ESPN reports:

“The Mavericks and I have mutually agreed that it’s in the best interest of both parties for me to step away from the team,” Odom said in a statement to
“I’m sorry that things didn’t work out better for both of us, but I wish the Mavs’ organization, my teammates and Dallas fans nothing but continued success in the defense of their championship.”

I honestly don’t follow basketball at all, so I don’t have any legitimate theories of my own for Lamar’s lackluster performance this season which I realize everyone will blame Khloe for, but let’s be realistic: If the man was going to show fatigue from hours of marathon Wookiee sex, it would’ve manifested itself by now. No, what people should be looking for are two bite marks on his neck that clearly suggest Lamar’s lifeforce is slowly being drained by an undead, plastic vampire woman with a dry vagina. Again, I don’t have a degree in sports medicine, but I’m pretty sure someone who does will wish they thought of this first. (FACE.)

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