And Now Back To The Milking Of Lamar

“Oh my god. Are you still mad about the car door? It went, like, viral, Penelope. Like, viral.”

Before we even start, Kourtney Kardashian’s son is yanking on her top, so here are photos of that, which are easily way important than anything else that’s going to happen in this post. In fact, I feel confident in saying you’ll probably be a richer person just clicking on them and never looking back. I’d never steer you wrong.

With Lamar Odom making a miraculous recovery, it’s safe for everyone to stop trying to hide their whore game and go straight for milking this bitch as blatantly as possible, so let’s get to it.

Khloe ‘Dumped’ James Harden To Care For Lamar

According to TMZ, Khloe Kardashian put her relationship with James Harden on hold, which would almost be believable if James Harden wasn’t worth close to $300 million and Kris Jenner wasn’t reading pig entrails to try and get a piece of it. (h/t IDLYITW)

Kim Kardashian Is Already Posting On Her App Again

After taking a two, maybe three, day break from posting content to their apps to “focus on Lamar,” Kim Kardashian has already resumed production because she just cares about Lamar so much and healed him with her prayers, so please pay her money to look at her butt. It’s what Jesus would do.

Business Is Booming At The Whore House (The Actual One, Not The Kardashian’s)

You’d assume having a former NBA player OD on coke and FDA-recalled boner pills and then having the owner blab to everyone in the media about it would put a dent in business, but things couldn’t be better at the Love Ranch and all because dudes want to look at the room where Lamar Odom almost died before and/or after fucking a hooker. I’m not even joking.

Hof says in the last week, the brothel has attracted an average of 75 men a day.
Hof says the real cache is the room Lamar had booked. There’s now a 1 month waiting list for the suite, and 16 want the room for at least one overnight stay.
And get this … if anyone pays more than $500 while they’re at the Ranch, whenever possible Hof will show them the room.

USA!

And, Finally, My Favorite Part

While everyone scrambles for that sweet Lamar-almost-died money, one Kardashian is quietly enjoying his sister pretending to reunite with a drug addict so the family can score another reality special. E! News reports:

Rob Kardashian has been living an isolated life as of late, but the 28-year-old E! star made a rare appearance Monday while driving sister Khloé Kardashian’s Range Rover around Los Angeles. Rob was seen shortly after it was announced that Lamar Odom would be transferred to a Los Angeles hospital, with Khloé by his side the entire time.

*CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK*

“Hey, Rob! How do you feel about Khloe and Lamar coming back to LA?”
“Wait, what?! Shit, you guys gotta help me get these wrappers out!”
“No can do, champ.”
“Fuck!”

*SCREEEEEEECH-VROOOMMMM*

(Yeah, this’ll be good.)

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Photos: AKM-GSI