Lamar Odom Did All Of The Drugs, Has 50/50 Chance Of Not Dying

There will probably be 8,000 more updates after I write this post, but here’s everything that’s happened with Lamar Odom since I last wrote about Kris Jenner locking down celebrity cameos for an extra-special episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Because that’s 100% what’s happening here.

There’s Probably A Camera Crew

Despite efforts to pretend they’re decent human beings who would never exploit Khloe’s emotions at a time like this, PEOPLE had a source that said otherwise and originally ran the headline “KUWTK Camera Crew Films Khloé Rushing to Lamar at Hospital: ‘She Could Barely Keep it Together,’ Source Says” before eventually caving to the official Kardashian talking point:

Despite a source telling PEOPLE the KUWTK crew filmed on Tuesday night as Kardashian left for Las Vegas on a private jet with mom Kris Jenner and sister Kim Kardashian West, sources now confirm that there were no cameras rolling for the show and that it is on hiatus.

When asked to identify these new sources, PEOPLE would only respond, “The dark angel haunts our dreams! OUR DREAMS!” before clawing at their eyes and diving out the window. So whatever you make of that.

Lamar Did All The Drugs

What originally started out as, “Oh, he was just doing some herbal Viagra and drinking a little bit of Cognac,” has significantly upgraded to every single drug ever. E! News reports:

A source inside Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas tells us that “drugs were found in his system,” and doctors are treating the situation as an “overdose.” Lamar remains unconscious and on a ventilator but is still alive. It also appears that the former Los Angeles Lakers player suffered from a “loss of oxygen but also possible stroke.”
“So, likely there’s brain damage, but they’re not sure how much,” the source adds. “Virtually every drug imaginable was found in his system.”

As for the “herbal Viagra,” that turned out to be a dangerous supplement called Reload, that had been recalled by FDA along with instructions to throw that shit right in the trash. And I almost just said that led to an outbreak in raccoon boners before catching myself. Phrasing.

Lamar Was Definitely Geeking Out About Sunday’s ‘KUWTK’

According to Page Six, Lamar spent his entire time at the Love Ranch fixated on Khloe, so when he heard that her sisters were saying shit like, “Why are you talking to him?” and “Ew, gross” on Sunday’s episode when Khloe takes a call from him, he fucking lost it. Which makes it even more ridiculous that those same sisters, and their empty shell of a mother, are suddenly sending out prayer tweets and pretending they actually give a shit beyond being seen fake crying at the hospital. This is goddamn Christmas to them.

Is Lamar Going To Die?

Probably? TMZ reports:

Sources at the hospital tell us doctors are now saying Lamar has a 50/50 chance of surviving after enduring multiple medical problems … the apparent result of complications from drug use.
Our sources say doctors are saying 4 of Lamar’s organs, including his kidneys, are failing. As we reported, he’s had a series of strokes in the hospital and has heart problems as well.
The doctors are saying with each failing organ the chances of survival go down significantly.

Jesus, right? It gets worse:

With that said, it’s also been confirmed that Odom’s estranged wife is Lamar’s next of kin. “Khloé is still his wife and she makes all the medical decisions and she is the next of kin,” Slaten continues. “If Lamar were to pass away, because she does not need anything from him, I doubt that she would take anything in his will or estate and she would defer everything to his children.”
Slaten adds that unless the former couple signed a medical directive during the divorce, Khloé would be making all medical decisions for him because she is still technically his wife.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Khloe’s the cool one and actually seems like a better person than the rest of her family, which might be true. I don’t care. However, she also let Kris Jenner talk her into charging the Internet for pictures of her butt, so is it really that far of a stretch for Kris to convince her to pull the plug for a “Lamar’s Funeral” reality special? Then again, life debts are a sacred tradition to Wookiees, so maybe I’m the hollow husk of a person here. *embeds butt photo gallery* Yup, it’s me.

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