Lady GaGa’s Vagina Says ‘Adios, 2009!’

December 31st, 2009 // 112 Comments

Before I leave you staring at Lady GaGa’s vagina until Monday (You’re welcome, by the way.), let’s take a look back at the celebrity moments that defined 2009 and weren’t just naked pictures. Even though those are the real news and I’ll fight to the death anyone who says otherwise.

2009: A Bunch of Shit That Happened

Jessica Simpson Got Ridiculously Huge

The year started with a jiggly sonic boom when Jessica Simpson emerged in Florida looking like she either ate Tony Romo or was impregnated with no less than 29 of his babies. While the latter would’ve been her preferred outcome, nobody was ruling out the first part if enough BBQ sauce was involved. And cheese fries.

—-


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Chris Brown Beats the Shit Out of Rihanna

The night before the 2009 Grammys in February, Chris Brown thought’d it be an awesome idea to beat the ever-living fuck out of Rihanna and bite her repeatedly in the head. Only after finding out in December this would kill his album sales did he regret his decision. Kind of.

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Britney Spears Allowed to Tour

Despite the fact she’s been declared legally retarded, Britney Spears’ dad managed to talk a judge into letting her parade around the globe in terrifying outfits. Naturally people bought tickets because, at this point, the human race is essentially nothing more than a bunch of meat puppets looking for something shiny to dance in front of– Hey, that Christmas tree has lights!

—-


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The Goddamn Gosselins

Sometime around May these people decided they couldn’t pretend to tolerate each other in spite of TLC spoon-feeding them barrels of cash to pimp their eight children on cable television like some sort of reality sweatshop. Their divorce consumed the entire planet until Tiger Woods’ penis miraculously saved us all in November. So let this be a lesson the next time your husband bangs a hooker in Vegas, ladies: He just might save a life.

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2009_perez_00.jpg

Perez Hilton Gets a Fist to the Mouth

I know I shouldn’t gloat about a competitor eating a fist for ironically calling someone a “faggot,” but I’m not gonna lie. This was my Christmas card.

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Paris Hilton is an Abusive Relationship

This was probably the only moment in my entire life where I felt like everything was right in the world. Always dare to dream, my friends. Always, dare to dream.

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Tiger Woods Had Sex with the Entire World

Like a giant pulsating cock penetrating the entire field of journalism – provided he pays its credit card bills – Tiger Woods’ infidelities blessed the media with a cavalcade of whores that I’m amazed didn’t bring JFK back to life just to get in on the action and maybe avenge his death. (But mostly just the whores.)

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Brittany Murphy Dies at 32

And in 4-6 weeks it’ll be ruled an overdose.

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Well, that about wraps it up, but I want to say something else happened, too. Something about a guy that looks like Peter Pan giving little kids wine… Oh, well, must not’ve been important.

Happy New Year, Everybody!

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Poppa Smurf

    ill eat that shit out nom nom nom

  2. Bastard child

    John Lennonface

  3. pericles

    third !! from mexico

  4. ,

    hey fuck you MJ was the greatest talent ever alive.& innocent

  5. Phil

    What penis?

  6. gen

    Yup, that’s a female. All you retards that jumped on the “OMFG SHE’S A MAN” bandwagon probably feel kind of stupid right now.

  7. Headline should read: Lady GaGa’s Penis Says “Adios, 2009!”

  8. Haven’t we seen enough of her vagina this year already Fish? Let’s move into the new year on a different note.

  9. Aerialgreen

    Now Pigez is always accompanied by a bodyguard (pour soul with a bad employment agent) whenever he/she is not riding Lady Caca’s co(ck)tails… triple pun and it stays.

    Happy drinking everyone!

  10. In the 3rd pic I think she’s giving the finger to the paparazzi.

  11. who dat

    Ewww…girls and panties are soooo yucky!

    I like the big buck in the Misfits t-shirt in pic 4. Yummy!

    I’d love to have him drill my little bummy until he squirts his man goo in there. Then he can pull it out and wipe it clean on my eager, waiting lips.

    Big deal, so what if I’m gay? Deal with it.

    Happy New Year!

  12. jaime

    happy new year!

  13. bernard

    I think she’s hot!

  14. um

    Really? MJ didn’t make this list?

  15. Hah. Great page of summaries. I emailed a link to this page to about 80 people

  16. stu

    *cough*michaeljackson*cough*

  17. Rough's ballz wont drop@midnight

    I heard its smell like pyrotechnic smoke and gaga juice…not sure if its true…

    Has it really been a “happy new year” the last 2 years…stop jinxing the new decade and your mouth shut…

  18. Nice wrap up… but how could you forget about the OxyClean guy?!?!

  19. Cheech

    and to think our muzzie brothers think showing an ankle is reason to be flogged…

  20. poop

    Why do people think it’s cool to dress as if we were still living in the 1980′s? I also see a lot of black folks dressing as nerds and looking straight up retarded. What happen to gangsta rap? Everyone is goddamn feminine now.

  21. in the sack

    i would like to smell that panties.

  22. Rod

    dont forget about that dead child spoonin chester molester michael jackson.. wasnt that the biggest story of the decade for about 2 months?

  23. PEEN!

    say what you want but I still think there is or was a penis there…good day

  24. Darth

    Looking back,it must have been a pretty boring year.

  25. Nero

    Are there still primitives living in 2009 on this planet?! *Gasp*

  26. Galtacticus

    I’m talking from the civilized future to these barbarians!

  27. Rhialto

    That’s pretty straight to business.With soaking panties calling for help.

  28. Tabasco

    Wonder what those would go for on ebay, soiled and stinky.

  29. Gando

    Did Lady GaGa got soaked panties from 2009? Obviously 2009 was a great year to her.Others in this post were obviously less fortunate.

  30. m??n....aka krazihottkuntkelli

    Happy New Yearz
    ………2…………..
    da funniezt..[[mean]]
    …..but da……………….
    funniezt fukerz in da
    ……….world…………..
    thank U 4 the hate/luv
    ….luv===hate………….
    and thankx a million
    ….4 ladee gagaz…..
    gorgeouz picz??
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    luv all u bitchez??\\
    ……………………………

  31. CMYK_Josh

    That bulge is grossing me out.

  32. that bulge is hiding a meat popsicle for the guy next to the hermy

  33. Lady Gaga, if you need to borrow a penis for the evening, I will let you come over and use mine.

  34. more sexy pictures click my name directly~~~

  35. Me

    I HATE ALL COPS….lol

    HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE READING THIS!!! (EXCEPT COPS)

    peace to you all

  36. Shep

    Maybe if we keep the rumor up she’ll flash some no panties vag to prove us all wrong?? That’d be sweet. Oh and lady gaga has prosthetic boobs…… just throwing that one out there Lady Gaga in case you wanna flash some tits to prove us all wrong too.

  37. Boogeyman King Dong

    @29
    With sum franchised help,it was Susan Boyle’s year as well.Where’re da unzipped pants pics?!

  38. Nero

    #37
    Panties with a zipper?! Are you talking about Victorian granny panties?!

  39. Darth

    @38
    Somebody threw the key away.Several decades ago.

  40. Rhialto

    #37
    If she’s able and willingly to show us her soaked panties in this new year,she has our blessing.P.S. to the paps,don’t forget to bring the mops along!

  41. PsyKo

    gaga looks aight, all blurred up like that…

  42. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

  43. His Huge Greatness Himself

    Happy New Year folks! All the best of luck and blessings to all of you! Where’s general Darth!?

  44. Book now-:

    $1 flight ticket

    $1 Hotel room

    $1 Car rental

    ##Happy New Year 2010##

  45. Book now-:

    $1 flight ticket

    $1 Hotel room

    $1 Car rental

    ##Happy New Year 2010##

  46. Darth

    #44
    Dark Lord of the Seven Seas,Mighty Conqueror of several All you Can Eat Ribs contests! Did you call me?!

  47. His Huge Greatness Himself

    @47
    Yes i sure did general Darth! Happy New Year to you and your men! Just take a look in front of your shed! A couple of cases of beer! I hope you all enjoy it!

  48. Darth

    *Takes a look outside* *Gasp!* #48 Thank you Your Great Generosity Himself! I’m sure it will taste good with the bacon&beans left from yesterday! *Salutes*

  49. LOL @ Michael Jackson not being on this list. Bahahaha #14 is REALLY upset. Look at it squirm!

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