Lady GaGa solved the AIDS crisis, everybody

April 13th, 2010 // 72 Comments

Lady GaGa has declared herself celibate in an attempt to solve the AIDS epidemic, according to People:

“I can’t believe I’m saying this – don’t have sex,” Gaga said in England, where she is promoting MAC’s Viva Glam Campaign to fight AIDS. “It’s okay not to have sex, it’s okay to get to know people,” she says. “I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine.”
Gaga says she is advocating a ban on sex for herself in part because the HIV cases among women around the world have steadily risen, while cases among men have dropped.

Wait a minute. How many people is Lady GaGa banging that personally abstaining from sex will stop the spread of HIV? Hasn’t she ever heard of wiping her genitals afterwards with a Clorox® Disinfecting Wipe? That’s why I carry at least ten in my wallet and have the world’s palest penis. Translucent, you might even say.

Photos: Splash News

  1. squeehunter

    I’d just say to use a condom but people are too stupid to use them when they’re readily avaliable in the first place.

  2. Oh Gaga

    What’s up with the top of her hairline? it makes it look like you can just pull off her face to reveal what’s underneath.

  3. GrandDragon

    I still say Marilyn Manson chopped off his wiener and became Lady Gaga.

  4. Sport

    Looking at her one has to believe that celibacy isn’t a ‘choice’ in her case.

  5. No you are too stupid

    @Squeehunter. You know you can get STDs with condoms too right? It only really prevents pregnancy.

    Do your research condom boy and stop spreading STDs.

  6. dude

    Nice cover, lady gaga (real name: Stefani Germanotti)

    I guess it’s easier for her to say she chose celibacy when the sad fact is that no one will bang her.

  7. Georgeo

    Try harder, Superficial Writer. Your “clorox wipe” thing was the dumbest thing I’ve seen all week.

    Granted it’s only two days into the week. I’m sure Geekologie can come up with something worse.

  8. Lady Shnozga

    She does a lot to hide her very big nose.

  9. mobedda

    A) People WON’T stop having sex. I you think differently, then realize that reality doesn’t care what you think.
    B) Since it is impossible to have a positive effect upon the AIDS crisis by advocating an idea the entire Catholic Church has failed to pull off after decades of concerted effort, Lady Gaga sounds like an idiot.
    C) Her entire career is built upon singing songs about reckless sex.
    D) STFU

  10. Dumb Talentless Ho

    Translation…..No man alive would touch me…..

  11. GaGa 4 GaGa

    I love Stephanie. GaGa rules.

  12. Hey Fatsos

    The life she leads compared to yours makes you look like a homeless crack head. None of our collective jealousy at her success makes her life any less mind blowing than yours you shut ins. Then again you can go all out in terms of letting your weight go where she has people who don’t want this to happen.

    You Win!

  13. Wank

    ha ha. std/gaga wank on the superficial.

  14. SASHA


  15. Fruit Loop

    A man goes to a doctor

    MAN: “Doc, it hurts when I do this”
    DOCTOR: “Well don’t do that!”

  16. xylus

    The syphilis has reached her brain…

  17. Giorgio!

    Man she is one ugly bitch(tranny) , just looking at her makes me wanna go celibate.

  18. kingofbeer

    First, she’s hideous.

    Second, BULLSHIT.

    Third, wrap it up.

  19. Aerialgreen

    She kinda had more cushion for the pushin’ a couple of years ago, now it looks like the palest bean pole in the planet… in other words, the Olive Oil and Marylin Manson spawn look, ain’t working Stefani.

  20. Sport

    #12 = GaGa

  21. Lady Gaga's sex video

    Lady Gaga I had sex with her in the 8th Grade. I have video to prove it..

    it may look like Christmas with my Italian family, aunt Kathy screaming at us, for having over fried the zeppoli’s uncle Joe farting loud, pineapples perched up in this guys ass, trust me underneath the table cloth, me and Lady Gaga were playing hide the sausage in her pate.

    I inspired her to write bad romance, and her other hits, Satisfaction, Hey Jude, Wild Horses, Come listen to me play the piano while I look like MArilyn Manson.

    o.k gotta dump be back

  22. umm, what?

    not a good tooth to gum ratio…

  23. Beeotch

    Get her some Crest White Strips stat!

  24. Ochi

    someone should hook her up with Montags plastic surgeon…..rhinoplasty very much needed!!!

  25. heehaw

    She should change her name from Lady Gaga to Lady GAG

  26. @10: That’s exactly what I was thinking. But I threw in dead people too because I doubt they’d hit that either. Just sayin.

  27. ballsy

    Is it just me or does she look like the blond post office alien from MIBII? Also, she is a talentless hack. Just had to get that out there. BTW, isnt Lady HERman a better name?

  28. Reg

    I am a bit puzzled by the Japanese transcription of English on her bag. It either says “I love small monster,” or “I rub small monster.”

  29. Dianne

    I have a problem with her declaring celibacy when in all her videos she promotes so much sexuality and even bisexuality. This lady will do anything to appear controversial and relevant. I don’t like her. Boo!

  30. AnnaDraconida

    She still looks like Marilyn Manson.

  31. Agnes P.

    # 28. Are you sure? If so I am going to get that tattooed across my abdomen.

  32. TekMoney

    Funny pic. And yeah, Clorox Disinfecting Wipes are great. Use them all the time. That said, somebody needs to tell this broad that the trashy bleached blonde/black eye brows look makes you look… well, trashy.

    As for the story… of course it’s bullshit.

  33. Anon

    She’d get (more?) rhinoplasty if she wanted to… I like her big nose, it gives her character.

  34. B

    #28 is correct. It says, “I love small monster. Tokyo love.”

  35. she is one ugly bitch

  36. lies…
    i banged gaga last night!

  37. Marie

    keep hating idiots, I would have sex with her over all you. she’s dreamy

    bi girl

  38. madam ex

    That looks like a Hermes Birkin Bag, why the fuck on earth would you ruin such a piece of art and have it written on in Japanese no less, its beyond fucking ridiculous and she doesnt deserve to have that fucking bag. Overrated, undertalented piece of shit. Im embarassed to say she’s Italian also. Pants look stupid on her, shoes are really hot, but other than that, she’s a fucking trainwreck, and that wig, what’s with the glue and the push back so far??? Doesnt her helper or assistant or whatever shim calls him/her fix her fucking with for shim??

  39. the only opinion that matters

    She may have a big nose, and her outfits are crazy…. it is all part “hype” of Lady Gaga. Watch her videos, she has a killer natural body and she is, no matter what anyone says, very talented. I love that she has made herself a unique commodity. Hey Lady Gaga, I’ll take that bag when you are finished with it….Japanese writing and all.

  40. el ces

    She’s lying. <3

  41. Ugly Frosted Brownie

    How nice – her yellow teeth matches with her yellow hair…

  42. lola_ferrari

    Here’s a heads up: whilst she appears so much to be a ground breaking individual, who less pushes the envelope, more rips it up completely and declares that she is calling the shots now… what many if not most people either choose to overlook completely, or fail to see, is that Lady G is anything but her own creation. She’s a marketer’s wet dream, and Stefani Germanotta (her real name) is, simply put, a good actress. Lady Gaga is a facade, people! She’d hardly have turned out to be such a money spinner if she weren’t such a ‘character’.

    And I can only assume that she’s deliberately cultivating the ‘yanked-backward-through-a-hedge wig’ look, because it’s otherwise impossible for me to comprehend why someone with all her money wouldn’t want her hair to be flawless too.

  43. you got Roughed!

    I’m tired of some women when they get into a lot of money; all of a sudden they are “abstaining from sex”. Most of the time, it’s just passive aggressive for being pig hot.

  44. Tim

    Actually I believe that her bag says two things: I love small monster. Tokyo loves small monster. Your guess (ahem) as to what the small monster could be, but according to her quote, Lady Gaga no longer loves the small monster.

  45. Raphael

    Not surprising that she is declaring celibacy there is only 1 person in the world who would touch that and he is getting married

  46. Katie

    Ha…bunch of mindless twits commenting today, I see. Firstly, you can’t deny talent when it’s obvious – and the girl can sing and play the piano like a BOSS. I don’t care if you don’t like her music or her image. Talent is talent, and saying she hasn’t got any only makes you look uneducated and jealous.
    Second, she has a very good point. If people weren’t so fucking slutty and actually took a few months to get to know somebody before banging all around town, I’m sure the AIDS/HIV problem would be reduced. You don’t need to be so stuck up your own ass ignorant when she’s making a valid comment. Since when is it a bad thing for someone to tell youth that it’s OKAY not to fuck around like everyone else seems to be doing? Nowhere here did she say “Dear everyone. Stop fucking.” Please learn to read.
    Lastly, she calls her fans her “little monsters” – bag mystery solved.

  47. SARS

    I’ve been waiting since she started doing this AIDS awareness stuff for her to be called out on what she said when she first got big… that she was enjoying being single and fucking lots of random people.

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