So Lady GaGa’s Biological Clock Just Exploded

March 16th, 2012 // 64 Comments
Gaga & Babies
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Not even a year ago, Lady GaGa was clearly snorting buckets of coke and telling people she IS the theater, but like any woman, she hit 25 and started thinking about ways she can make her life more complicated than it needs to be. So here she is telling Oprah she wants a bunch of kids now which just gave Rick Santorum a boner he doesn’t know how to explain. It probably doesn’t even speak English. Via People:

“Yeah, yeah, I do,” a (relatively) conservatively dressed Gaga told the talk show host, 58, when asked if she was serious about wanting a large family. “I mean I’m being superfluous [about the soccer team], but I don’t want to have one [child], I want a few.”
Gaga adds that she also wants a husband. Making a gesture to indicate a baby bump, the singer tells Winfrey, “I want to experience that.”

Of course the trick here is finding a well-hung Harvard man who won’t think she’s just after his mother’s inheritance. “I do say, dear, impregnating you while you’re dressed like a vampire bat seems most peculiar. Most peculiar. You’re not trying to Shanghai my trust fund, are you? No? Just into theatrical buggery, are we? Tally ho!”

(True story: I think everyone who goes to Harvard is British.)

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. If I were a Harvard man, I’d snub her on the general principle of misusing the word “superfluous.” I’d then add, “That may be all right for a *Yale* man…”

  2. Nathan

    Nice tits.

  3. Entertained

    Dear Superficial,
    You are freakin’ HILARIOUS… are you this funny in person, or do you use the backspace a lot?

  4. Back by Popular Demand

    If she was really cool she’d move to France.

  5. Jimbob

    ugly with floppy tits and a flabby body and no talent


  6. Deacon Jones

    Women get around this age, and they go from being that obnoxiously drunk group of girls at the bar doing “I hate boys” shots and screaming to desperately looking for a man as soon as one within their group falls in “love”.

    I’ve seen this play out a number of times over the years, and everytime it gets more entertaining.

    It’s like the last 3rd of people left in gym class when you have to pick partners, everyone just starts grabbing people out of fear.

    • pornstar

      Deacon, take the apple pie out from the window sill, and put your college vest on, wtf? “I hate boy shots”.

      That’s gayer than unicorns, galloping away from rainbows.

      You’re wound up tighter than a straight guys asshole.

  7. mrsmass

    people are still paying attention to this bitch?

  8. R. Duke

    “Beautiful fucking tits, man!”

  9. Lady Gaga Bra Open Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    We are all agreed she’s fugly right?

    • Wholly unattractive and completely full of herself.

      • Agbejimi

        this was actually the REAL arsitt that was gonna go out, but THIS doesnt sell, so then CAME OUT LADY GAGA, the YES GIRL who you see, now that HAS NOTHING of an arsitt WATEVER YOU PEOPLE SAY, SHES NOT AN ARTIST, its only a clown, that get naked and do SHOKING things to get FAMOUS

  10. ed

    She may use “superfluous” incorrectly, but she’s 100% right when she says that’s what she is.

  11. Sheelly

    Hey now, some of us women DON’T want kids. I’m 35 and these ovaries will never see a fertilized egg. Kids suck.

    • I’m pretty sure they don’t get fertilized inside the ovaries. You’d better pass the memo along to your Fallopian tubes and uterus. (Doc, back me up here.)

    • mrsmass

      kids do suck. someone i manage to like my kid though.

    • Doc Holiday

      Well Tom Sheelly is right about her ovaries not seeing a fertalized egg. Those ovaries technically cannot see as they do not have visual receptors. Perhaps if Sherry reconstructed her post to “These ovaries will never produce a soon to be fertilized egg” but that’s just too clunky.

      Assuming that ovaries are capable of knowing anything stretches the limits of science even more than the statement in it’s original form. Tom your argument that Sheelly’s post is misleading about where eggs are fertilized during the reproductive process might be valid but fallopian tubes don’t receive memos.
      If fallopian tubes received memos then it might also be possible that ovaries could have x-ray vision allowing them to see a fertilized egg in a uterus. It seems possible but both are probably unlikely to happen soon. “These ovaries will never know a fertilized egg” this statement could be considered correct.. “These ovaries will never produce an egg that will be fertilized” suggests that she’s infertile.
      The problem isn’t science it’s a creative writing problem. We all know what Sheelly meant therefore her post is fine. Could have been improved but I rather enjoy the flavor it’s left behind and the debate it has inspired.

  12. Library Squirrel

    I get loving kids and wanting to have them. After all they are like hilarious little high/drunk people who eat and say anything, but lets be responsible people! We know that this planet is heavily over populated. How about we just reproduce ourselves and leave the makin’ of sports teams to the professionals.

    • mrsmass

      who, the Duggars?

    • Trek Girl

      Well, many countries have an aging population and children aren’t being produced at high enough rates to take care of that aging population or replace them, so part of the population “problem” is going to take care of itself.

    • Sliver

      I hate people who want everyone to stop reproducing. That’s not how nature works, fuckwad. If there gets to be too many of us, and there is not enough food, then we can war and kill off the others to survive. This is nature. And the only people who should stop reproducing are the ones that will NEVER stop reproducing until fukkin morons stop feeding people in 3rd world countries who only raise more kids with that food, who only go on to make more kids who need aid. See how that works? Stop funding p.o.s. welfare countries, and also countries that start wars and expect to be funded (use your research abilities), and the problem takes care of itself. I swear it.

  13. ace11

    Holy Cleavage Batman

    She shouldn’t have a problem finding somebody to father her kid

  14. M.B.

    No way buggery will get you babies.

  15. I bet you could get a lot of fucking in before she realized which hole the baby actually is supposed to be made in.

  16. Iusethestairs

    I love Gaga I would marry her and give her 8 kids.

  17. how can she get pregnant anyway if she has a penis?

  18. SFRowGuy

    Uh-oh! That can’t be good. Ladies you better get those chastity belts on your husband and sons real fast.

  19. cc

    I produce prodigious quantities of reproductive stuff (Sorry, is that gross? Why don’t people think Peter North is gross then, answer me that?). She’s welcome to as much as she likes. Honestly, I’d just send her some flash frozen.

  20. Lady Gaga Bra Open Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t come near me, I am armed with a twink.

  21. Lady Gaga Bra Open Shirt
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, wasn’t that guy on SNL like back in 1987?

  22. El Jefe

    I am sure K Fed would not mind giving her a kid, seems to be what he does best.

  23. Enzo

    It doesn’t count unless you conceive on stage.

  24. Guile

    It’s all an act.

  25. Floyd

    7 Month pregnant Lady Gaga walking out of planned parenthood wearing a 5 foot taco hat, 10 inch heels, a cigarette in one hand and bottle of gin in the other.

  26. Lady Gaga Bra Open Shirt
    a short haired girl
    Commented on this photo:

    i don’t trust women that feel the need to destroy their vaginas.

  27. Lady Gaga Bra Open Shirt
    Mrs. Salt
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a manzier she is wearing?

  28. Lady Gaga Bra Open Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    How does one get stretch marks from mosquito bites?

  29. dontlooknow

    I truly hope her clock does explode as I am more frightened to see what falls out of her grand canyon than Snooki’s.

  30. Lady Gaga Bra Open Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    mildly talented exibitionist…always seeking to draw as much attention as possible.

  31. anonym

    I’d fuck the shit out of her…. for her money

  32. Oh for fuck’s sake. Kids are not an ‘experience’. it’s not like backbacking through Europe. It’s the rest of your life and that’s why you could not pay me enough to have any.

    But PLEASE for the love of God do not bring any mini fucking Gaga’s into this world. It’s hard enough waiting for you to disappear. Unless they suck you dead from the inside out, sew your vag shut and call it ‘unique’.

  33. Medium Me

    Freaks like her having kids usually works out well. Just look at Chaz Bono.

  34. Homer's Fat Brother

    Hmm, tits hanging out with those creepy nails looks good in a kinky porno. Not when you’re hunting for a sperm donor. (I’m objecting to the nails to make it clear.)

  35. Man

    She’s so fucking ugly.

  36. Lady Gaga Bra Open Shirt
    Commented on this photo:

    Love to give her a pearl necklace.

  37. Sliver

    Lady Gaga’s next album: “Lady Gaga: Bad At Every Angle.”


    Gaga to have her own little monsters?

  39. Lady Gaga Bra Open Shirt
    Commented on this photo:


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