Lady GaGa’s Music is a ‘New Jerusalem’

April 20th, 2011 // 102 Comments

Lady Gaga and her zipper vagina (I knew it!) appear in the latest issue of NME where she reacts to critics who claim “Born This Way” is a blatant ripoff of Madonna‘s “Express Yourself.” Via ONTD and The Huffington Post:

“That’s retarded. What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about. I will look you in your eyes and tell you that I am not dumb or moronic enough not to see that I would have stolen a melody. If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It’s the same one that’s been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I’m the first fucking artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn’t mean I’m a plagiarist, it means I’m fucking smart. Sorry.”

On top of being the smartest pop star in the world, Lady GaGa is also receiving direct messages from God who she says wrote the lyrics for her latest song “Judas” despite claiming just last week that the late Alexander McQueen writes her music:

(Starts crying) I feel like honestly that God sent me those lyrics and that melody. When you feel a message to give to the world and people are shooting arrows through it … there’s no way for something that pure to be wrong. (Reaches for Marilyn Monroe lighter) I need a cigarette.”

Per their marketing strategy, the song has come under fire from the Catholic League, prompting Lady GaGa’s “creative director,” a devout Christian by the way, to defend the song to The Hollywood Reporter:

“We don’t touch on things that we have no right touching upon, but the inspiration and the soul and idea that out of your oppression, your darkness, your Judas, you can come into the marvelous light. So it’s about the inspiration and to never give up… We’ve created a new Jerusalem,” Gibson offered.

Oh, good. Equate your music with the holy land where the most pivotal parts of the New Testament took place. That’ll quiet all that religious fervor. Next, you can say Lady GaGa is actually a direct descendent of Mary Magdalene and Jesus only to turn around and claim she also evolved from a Communion wafer. I’m thinking outside a Planned Parenthood seems like the perfect spot for that announcement. Maybe hire a couple of gay dancers, pull some rosary beads out of their butts, it’ll be great.

Photos: NME, Splash News

superficial

  1. Lady Gaga Judas NME
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    that face

  2. Kylanyx

    Now would be a good time for God to chime in. “Uh sorry folks, I should probably strike her down and I was totally going to, but I mean holy shit just look at her. I can’t even recall coming up with this one, and you’d think I’d remember it, cause you know, omniscience and all. Hey JC, you had anything to do with this? No? Sure? She’s like nothing I ever created in my own image, and well I just can’t resist a good miracle. Believe!”

  3. If her music is the New Jerusalem, does that make her New Jesus? I just want to know before I sign the dotted line to joining New Satanism.

  4. Lady Gaga Judas NME
    Commented on this photo:

    Well after seeing Kirstie Alley and then loking at her. my dick now has the ability to pound nails into walls.

  5. Namerequired

    Isn’t the creation of New Jerusalem part of the book of Revelations?
    Is Gaga the Antichrist?

  6. Flower

    Unzipped? I thought the term was “untucked”.

  7. Pia

    Saying shit that gets people wound-up is why some people like her. I like some of her songs, but I’m also stoned 24/7

  8. Lady Gaga Judas NME
    GooGoo Gaga
    Commented on this photo:

    She is tucking it in

  9. Lady Gaga Judas NME
    kay
    Commented on this photo:

    Gross!

  10. Just Cause

    Put this pretentious bitch on a rocket and send it her to the sun for the sake of humanity. Her delusions are getting worse and worse by the day.

  11. Get your facts straight

    In your article, you wrote “On top of being the smartest pop star in the world, Lady GaGa is also receiving direct messages from God who she says wrote the lyrics for her latest song “Judas” despite claiming just last week that the late Alexander McQueen writes her music”

    I checked your source and Gaga said “I didn’t even write the f—ing song. He did!”

    Gaga never said Alexander McQueen “writes her music.” Way to be misleading – she said he wrote the lyrics to “Born this Way.”

    So you’re a writer for this respected blog and you can’t even get basic facts straight. I wonder who let you on board to this position…

    I would hope that you check your sources more thoroughly before making a sweeping claim about someone.

    • qwerty

      ahh isnt writing the lyrics to one song writing her music for her? even if for one song? And just how do you its only that one song? Do u believe everything you are told? Or are we just suspending logic here? Haha basic facts. Respected blog. You and her have been doing the blow together though the fish is awesome.

  12. lndn

    What a self-important, pretentious cunt. This woman is desperate and trying too hard to prove that she’s an “artist”, a genius, a tortured mind. It’s pathetic, really, and don’t tell me I’m wrong because she’s a millionaire and has number one songs. Money and fame don’t equal quality, this is style over substance.

  13. Captain Slappy

    Now hold on, you little needle-freaks, that isn’t to say that her PR people are not DAMNED good, just like the computer programs and code they use to rework these songs “of hers”. Don’t knock her crew, though they are probably functionally retarded in the real world, they are fucking savants with music….just not the good type of “retarded savant” who do useful shit like count jellybeans in a jar or toothpicks on the floor.

    The video work alone, if they ever considered putting their work with decent music….got some good shit right there.

    Hey, a clock is right twice a day just like Lady fucking Gaga and President Obammy…..even idiots can throw a rock and get lucky from time to time.

    But yes….all this Stanley Kubrick “Clockwork Orange” bullshit was old back when Marilyn Manson bent over backwards to rape his self and what he called “music”. That doesn’t mean she will last, one day, she will invent something original (such as an image for herself along with music)…..but with all the 360 contracts now….I doubt it. She has most likely burnt her only chance, and King Kong just slapped that fucking bi-plane down.

  14. Lady Gaga Judas NME
    GagaTard
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey ya’ll, God sends me lyrics too.

    Like, one day, I was snorting crack cocaine, and watching a bunch of Madonna music videos,
    and I came up with the same lyrics to Born This Way too!

    Unbelieveable!

    And, I’m retarded!

  15. Lady Gaga Judas NME
    yowillie
    Commented on this photo:

    Spank and eat.

  16. *yoink*

    “It hurts when I know how much authenticity and genuine blood is in my spirit and how much I feel like people don’t know that, you know? Cuz they see wigs and lipstick and they just shut down. Cus they don’t understand. I’m sorry. I just want to be queen for them and sometimes I don’t feel like one.”

    start gagging at 1:43 http://ladygaganow.net/?p=5006

    Yeah, cuz when you know how much authenticity genuine blood is in you, people “shut down” just from looking at you, and you feel the need to be queen to “them,” It’s time to look at the positions available at disneyland ..or the open beds at the nut house.

  17. jime

    you are not full of shit cause you ARE shit!

  18. DEL

    Gaga is a fucking self important solipsist, a raging egomaniacal cunt!

    To think of the shit going on in the world and this bitch thinks she’s some kind of gifted torturted artist.

    JUST FUCKOFF AND DIE CUNT!

  19. Nevea

    I can’t hear anything over the sound of how awesome this airltce is.

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