Lady GaGa Bathes in Blood For Satan

September 27th, 2011 // 54 Comments

We’re too late. The summoning dance has begun!

I love a good conspiracy theory. Mostly because it helps me systematically remove people from my life dumb enough to believe things like Jenny McCarthy is still right about vaccines causing autism, or Obama is secretly waiting until his second term to steal all your guns and hand them to Osama bin Laden who’s still alive. The stuff of fucking idiots if you will. Anyway, one of the more prevalent conspiracy theories that people seriously believe is the existence of the Illuminati and its secret practice of employing celebrities like Kanye West and Lady GaGa to convert the world to Satanism. Except sometimes these celebrities forget to drain the bathtub full of blood they just waded in per the Dark Lord’s command forcing a maid to report them to Scotland Yard and allowing New World Order-junkie sites like to get to the bottom of things:

A housekeeper at London’s Intercontinental Hotel reported on Sunday that Lady Gaga, during a previous stay this summer, left large amounts of blood in the bathtub of the fashionable suite the pop princess occupied in July.
She reported the incident to the concierge, Andrea Miller, at the time and was told to put it out of her mind.
The maid’s name is being withheld by Scotland Yard for her protection.
Whether this incident was a Satanic ritual or not is unknown. [Ed. Note: Apparently you can just add that line into news stories now. "Joe Samson ordered his quarter pounder with extra pickles, but whether it was a Satanic ritual or not is unknown."]
It was also noted to our reporter that at the time of the incident Lady Gaga met with leaders of the Scottish Rite Freemasons, which is an organization known to be a link between the Illuminati and members of the British royal family.

Using logic – my first mistake – I’d probably remember that Lady GaGa is constantly covered with fake blood during her stage show, so that basically solves that mystery. But then again, that’s exactly what she wants us to think, so just assume she opened a portal to the demon world allowing Lucifer himself to infiltrate the United Nations using the Royal Cloak of Invisibility. Also, I think this pretty much proves it:

She performed with her band and later with the bisexual musician Sting.

The bisexual musician Sting?! We’re fucked.

Photos: Getty


  1. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    “PEEK! Here she is!”

  2. if only there were a patron god of concentrated hydrochloric acid..

  3. Satan the Devil

    greetings from Satan reveals the true meaning behind the number of six,six,six enjoy the truth for once in a life time for truth always comes out in the end

    • Satan's bitch

      WTF boss? You off your meds again? Silly Satan.

      • Fletch

        Holy Cow, you are so right Satan. I just came for down the hall and the truth did come out in the end. Boy do I feel much better now. Don’t worry, I lit a match.

    • Colostomy Bag

      Did you know the original spelling for Satan was Shaton, because Shaton was the Angel God used as a toilet (… he was shat on). Kinda explains why he got so pissed off with his role in the heavenly heirarchy, and why he became such a shit stirrer for others.

  4. Satan's bitch

    Sting’s bi? Well shit-fire, Bubbles and I have got a plane to catch!

  5. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Hail Satan!

  6. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Satan would probably approve.

  7. Cock Dr

    What a great headline.
    I’ll try to arrange to have this up on my monitor when the director wanders in later this afternoon.

  8. Richard McBeef

    Considering Satan has presented himself as Madonna, it only makes sense that Gaga is following the ritual shit in addition to copying the music and the act.

  9. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Any Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    i would BURY MY FACE THERE no matter how much fake blood was involved. LOVE me some Stephan… oops, ‘Gaga’.

  10. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Call me Satan…I think I’ve got the perfect girl for you.

  11. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it possible to ass-fuck the heathen out of someone?

  12. EmmaWatson's Vagina

    here is the law of Lady Gaga’s master: Satan

    The Nine Satanic Statements

    The Nine Satanic Statements are to outline what Satan within the Church of Satan Symbolizes. They are:

    1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!

    2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!

    3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!

    4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!

    5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!

    6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!

    7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!

    8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!

    9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!

    The Nine Satanic Sins





    5.Herd Conformity

    6.Lack of Perspective

    7.Forgetfulness of Past Orthodoxies

    8.Counterproductive Pride

    9.Lack of Aesthetics

    The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth

    1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.

    2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.

    3. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.

    4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.

    5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.

    6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.

    7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.

    8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.

    9. Do not harm little children.

    10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.

    11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.

  13. kimmykimkim

    As if Satan would allow Kanye West to do his bidding. Please.

  14. Rupert Giles

    Um, if you pull stories from crazy right wing websites, you get headlines like that…the site is loaded with conspiracy theory involving freemasons and they appear to really love The Devil.

    Here’s a sampling of the CURRENT headlines on their front page:

    “Bristol Palin Slings Anti-Gay Insults & Wears Satanic Shirt – Video”

    “Royal Family Member Claims Princess Diana Murdered Over Secret Arms Operation”

    “Beyonce Leaks New Single “Run the World (Girls);” More Brainwashing Kool-Aid for the Minions; Devil Pictures – Listen”

    “Neil Armstrong to Congress: NASA Space Program ‘Embarrassing & Unacceptable;’ Freemason Link”

  15. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    Bitch has my boots! No seriously, I had them first!

  16. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    Nicolas Cage finally found a halfway-decent wig.

  17. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    “Luuuuke, GaGa turned me into a haaaat….”

  18. Bane

    There is no Illuminati.

    • Venom

      Seriously, it is the biggest BS ever.
      When I hear people talk about the Illuminati, I know I never need to converse with them ever again because they are pure idiots.
      The best are the ignorant black people out there that think that every fucking rapper is somehow in the Illuminati. You know, because if such an organization did exist, they would definitely want to include some black ghetto dude from the projects that looks like Lil Wayne and can barely put a sentence together.

      My dad was a member of The Lodge/Freemasons ( you know the organization with the G) when I was a little kid and I would go to the meetings with him sometimes and sit around in the background and trust me, no clandestine crap or anything else weird went on. Pretty damn boring if you ask me.
      I guess it makes for a good story and probably impresses women.

      • Colostomy Bag

        The Illuminati DOES exist, about this there is no question of doubt (historically the name refers to the Bavarian Illuminati, an Enlightenment-era secret society founded on May 1, 1776). It’s a matter of what exactly they are or aren’t responsible for. Since you don’t actually know, your rejection of things you know nothing about is simply an opinion, not based on actually KNOWING. A wise man may have doubts (to whatever degree) about that which he doesn’t know, but until he is in possession of said knowing , he never remains firmly resolved about such.

        People I won’t converse with again are those whose minds are closed shut on ANY issue (such as those once whose minds were closed to the possibility the Earth wasn’t the centre of the Universe). Since yours is so closed, I won’t read or respond to any post of yours here again.

      • Venom

        Oh goody, someone named Colostomy Bag won’t converse with me, how will I ever live now?
        Keep watching movies and believing fairy tales and the rest of us will be out in the sunshine living life.

  19. grammar nazi

    “It’s” means “it is”. You were looking for “its”, the possessive form. You’re welcome. :)

  20. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    Sting is turning into Locke– that’s pretty cool.

  21. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    Honestly, her ass is perfect.

  22. zomgbie

    still ripping off madonna.

  23. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    Did she bite Sting on the neck? WTF?

  24. V

    She probably menstruated all over the tub and forgot to clean it up like the douchebag of a roomate I used to have. Skanks are gross all over.

    • V

      omg one time I actually saw CLOTS of blood in the shower. God, you owe me like, a hot car or an awesome vacation or something after putting up with that cunt.

  25. V

    wait.. one time there was actual blood all over the toilet seat too. I’m beginning to think she was blind or completely numb in the vagina.

    • kimmykimkim

      Jesus Christ! How the fuck can somebody bleed that much? And this is coming from a woman. Did your roommate have monthly miscarriages or some shit? Damn!

  26. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Rob Halford Feels is very angry that his Judas Priest storage pod was broken into & ransacked.

  27. Tuppy

    Gaga? Satanic rituals? As dodgy as the source is, it still isn’t that unbelievable. I’m sure she’d happily pander to Satan’s crispy horde of minions to make a few bucks…

  28. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    dat ass

  29. forrest gump

    6……….6………6: the number of the beast.

  30. Paul

    Where did you get this story from, fox news (I mean faux news)?

  31. AxG

    RE: the picture. Let me be the first to say: PUKE!!!! AAARGH! HEAVE! This is not a good look for her. She can bathe in Satan’s blood, cut the skin off Jessica Alba and wear it like a burkha, buy everyone blackout goggles, and hide in a refrigerator box, and I would still be tossing cookies and scrubbing my image receptors with roundup. God she makes me uncomfortable. Has anyone noticed that she is actually the the scary spider that was supposed to look like Cristina Aguilera that Cartman saw from taking drugs?

  32. nerdyguyanon

    satan’s name lucifer, means illumination of wisdom, and he was taken away from babylon because babylon was evil.

  33. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    what a fucking muppet

  34. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    another guy
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d lick that ass for half an hour and then I’d turn her and I’d suck her cock!

  35. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    wtfuking fuck!! she’s like a rabbit

  36. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    Spank and eat.

  37. Satan the Devil

    I must be living in lost world with a bunch of lost souls greetings from Satan revealing the true meaning of the number of 6,6,6 found here

  38. Emery

    Whoever wrote this needs to learn history and pull their head out of their ass. I’m sorry there are ‘conspiracy theorists’ that have tainted your ability to see clearly, but to claim straight up the Illuminati doesn’t even EXIST? You are playing right into their scheme. But that is alright, because people like you really deserve to be exterminated anyway. O ye of little faith.


    Hasn’t somebody thrown a mallet yet at this stupid, talentless bitch while she’s on stage?

  40. Lady GaGa Sting iHeartRadio
    Commented on this photo:

    Gaga You have still time to come to your true Lover , father ,Jesus. He reaches out His hand to .Please escape devil. Once you decide Jesus is just with you.

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