Lady GaGa Bathes in Blood For Satan

By: The Superficial / September 27, 2011

We’re too late. The summoning dance has begun!

I love a good conspiracy theory. Mostly because it helps me systematically remove people from my life dumb enough to believe things like Jenny McCarthy is still right about vaccines causing autism, or Obama is secretly waiting until his second term to steal all your guns and hand them to Osama bin Laden who’s still alive. The stuff of fucking idiots if you will. Anyway, one of the more prevalent conspiracy theories that people seriously believe is the existence of the Illuminati and its secret practice of employing celebrities like Kanye West and Lady GaGa to convert the world to Satanism. Except sometimes these celebrities forget to drain the bathtub full of blood they just waded in per the Dark Lord’s command forcing a maid to report them to Scotland Yard and allowing New World Order-junkie sites like Truthquake.com to get to the bottom of things:

A housekeeper at London’s Intercontinental Hotel reported on Sunday that Lady Gaga, during a previous stay this summer, left large amounts of blood in the bathtub of the fashionable suite the pop princess occupied in July.
She reported the incident to the concierge, Andrea Miller, at the time and was told to put it out of her mind.
The maid’s name is being withheld by Scotland Yard for her protection.
Whether this incident was a Satanic ritual or not is unknown. [Ed. Note: Apparently you can just add that line into news stories now. "Joe Samson ordered his quarter pounder with extra pickles, but whether it was a Satanic ritual or not is unknown."]
It was also noted to our reporter that at the time of the incident Lady Gaga met with leaders of the Scottish Rite Freemasons, which is an organization known to be a link between the Illuminati and members of the British royal family.

Using logic – my first mistake – I’d probably remember that Lady GaGa is constantly covered with fake blood during her stage show, so that basically solves that mystery. But then again, that’s exactly what she wants us to think, so just assume she opened a portal to the demon world allowing Lucifer himself to infiltrate the United Nations using the Royal Cloak of Invisibility. Also, I think this pretty much proves it:

She performed with her band and later with the bisexual musician Sting.

The bisexual musician Sting?! We’re fucked.

Photos: Getty