Oh Good, Kris Jenner Sold Kylie To Jaden Smith

March 4th, 2013 // 38 Comments
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Jaden Smith is only 14-years-old, but he’s retarded rich and best friends with Justin Bieber making him the perfect candidate for Kris Jenner to pimp Kylie out to insure the future of the Kardashian brand. “How’s his bladder?” she probably asked Jada Pinkett-Smith, “From a mother to a mother.” But before everyone gets all freaked out, don’t worry, Will Smith chaperoned their date Saturday night so everything was on the up-and-up. “Listen, Kylie, I’m sure you’re nervous and all dating my son, but I won’t you to know that his mother and I draw the line at him letting him dress like a shithead and buying young girls like property. Little man’s going to be a perfect gentleman tonight, and I’ll be here most of the time to make sure that happens. But when I’m not here, you two sit your asses down and don’t go anywhere near that men’s room, or I swear to God, Jaden, no leg bandanas for a month. Don’t go messing with me, son.”

Photos: Splash News


  1. L. Ron Hubbard

    Ah, life lessons from dad Will Smith…how to act mostly white but still have access to big butts.

  2. karlito

    i can only imagine the reaction that must be happening to KarTRASHidan fans down in the deep south….get a rope!!

    • JC

      Serious question: Wouldn’t that kind of potential fan already hate the Kardashians for being dirty, swarthy immigrant types?

  3. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Not even through puberty, and he already has a beard.

  4. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    In every one of these pictures there’s a floating head with duct tape on its eyebrow…

  5. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    And three bodyguards. Jesus.

  6. Sick of seeing this Smith brat shoved down everyone’s throats. No talent but total arrogance just like mom and pop.

  7. stratacat

    has kris jenner hired OJ to kill all the other women in hollywood? there must just be a mass grave in an abandoned lot somewhere in south central.

  8. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Why the fuck is he dressed like Robin Hood?

  9. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck off, Oreo.

  10. One will note that there isn’t a single picture in this lot where Kylie and Jaden are even looking at each other. Kylie looks like she’d rather be watching paint dry.

    Really, I’m torn… I don’t know which one I should be feeling more sorry for.

    • I feel for Kylie. It’s got to be terrifying knowing that your peed on face is what mom is hoping will revitalize the K-Klan empire.

    • Kris: “I don’t CARE if you don’t like him. He’s rich, he’s black, he’s your new boyfriend.”

    • Juch

      You shouldn’t be feeling sorry for them, but for the rest of us, who will have to endure this fake bullshit relationship in unrelenting media cycles for the next six months.

  11. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    “Son, you can have oral sex for two minutes, then I’m driving you home! It’s not like you’re gonna last that long anyway!”
    “Well you aren’t!”

  12. jamiewithanh

    so, fingers crossed…I’m hoping her DVD will feature her being shatted on instead of peed on like her big sis.

  13. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s starting to lookie like big sis Chewy

  14. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    “…and then I beat Super Mario Bros with one life! Oh hey, did I tell you I was in Karate Kid?”

  15. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    John Travolta
    Commented on this photo:

    Wanna bet that guy didn’t give 1 fuck about Will Smith’s hand? Stupid effing elitist douchery. How’s that cheating wife of your’s doing Mr Closet Bi-Sexual.

  16. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Will smith is a retard?

  17. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    The way these faux-celebrity relationships are going we’re only a couple years away from Wal-Mart fucking MTV and birthing some strand of Cthulhu-herpes that swallows the Earth whole.

  18. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    You don’t wanna see my hand where yo tit be at.

  19. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Don’t rich kids usually own more than one shirt?

    • He and the other useless twats in his crew are trying to start some shitty clothing company with those ghetto swapmeet clothing and uninspired cheap logo. That is why he is always wearing those shitty clothes.

  20. Mama Pinkus

    I’m not sure what it is – I do not know these two, don’t know what they do and have never even heard them speak yet I despise them. I think it is extreme foresight that giving me the ability to beat the rush and hate them now.

  21. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Satan My Master
    Commented on this photo:

    I hate this guy. Someone needs to lay a serious beating on him just because of that annoying stare and because he was born into a rich annoying family

  22. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Kudos to Jaden Smith for accomplishing the near-impossible – producing a look of shame on a Kardashian.

  23. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Worst case of JPFS (Juvenile Punchable Face Syndrome) I’ve ever seen. Note the agony of self-restraint playing across the faces of the nearby men, each fighting a desperate urge to smack this kid upside the head. Only Kylie Jenner, who from dealing with family members knows the best strategy is to just look at the ground, escapes the frustration.

  24. You have to love the Kardashians, the only black people they have around is the rich black dumbass men that they use for their money. Other than that they have zero to do with any other black people.

  25. anonym

    i hope will smith is smart enough not to get tangled up in the Kardashian trap

  26. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    Ooooh gawd. Why do I get the idea there is a “Terminator” style menu of moment-by-moment options being displayed on her retinal interface?

  27. Heh

    Poor little Kylie didn’t have a chance to even TRY to date a white guy

  28. Whyask

    Frosted tips make him look like a cheap paint brush.

  29. I won’t you to know
    at him letting him dress
    I hate myself for not letting it go

  30. Kylie Jenner Jaden Smith Dating
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t care if you are a bro..I aint shakin wit u

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